Trusty Steeds

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Why hi there badgers!

They be fleecing me top dollar to use this wee (super slow) internet cafe but i wanted toquickly check in and scribble this biking adventure before i forget its face! (by the by currently in Don Det - 4000 islands, Southern Laos -left Sime, beer in hand in his hammock reading his book so round about now hes having a fat nap).
Last time i rambled we were in Vientiane watching crazy Laos folk charge down the river in their dragon boats. Quite something to see but holy balls was it hot that day - 38C and cooking! Anyhoo let me stick to the biking tale before i get too carried away. We caught the local bus from Vientiane to Tha Khaek - quite an adventure in itself. Every couple of kms we would stop and a hoard of street vendor folk would pile on and try and sell you everything from roast chickens to tales of theholy Buddha (written in Lao obviously)- the chap couldn quite understand why i wasn trying to haggle him down for such a prize treat! Sometimes theyd simply lob things through the window before boarding and then, once on board, force you to cough up the kippers for whatever treat was sat in your lap! Luckily we had some top notch kareoke to entertain us on our journey - shit you not, they play music videos (quality tunes) at a deafening colume from start to finish - kareoke style (words on screen) so everyone can sing along. Luckily they didn get too carried away that they forgot to let you pee... every few hours the trusty driver would swerve to the side, come to a halt and scream Hom Nam (spelling?) Folk would then load off the bus, drop their skants and hit a squat (if you were a betty that is - downers if you were alongside a dude hitting a squat!) right by the bus! All in all - a top notch journey! 7 hours later we arrived in Tha Khaek and headed off to find Mr. Ku who rented us some ancient Chinese beaten up motorbikes - he did hope to fool us with his Honda stickers! I did have a brief mini freak-out of what the hell am i doing charging through central Laos on a bike having never ridden a motor-beast before! The hairiest moment by far though was just getting in and out of the bustling town - they supposedly drive on the right side of the road - YOOOOT - these chaps beetle along at top speeds on the left, right and straight down the middle - faster you learn that there are no lanes the safer youll be! We made it though and within half an hour i was smiling like a drunk donkey - Gary riding up front in my basket (dirt roads adding to his travelling mank); Tank cruising with Slime, both helmets safely strapped (Simes took some squeezing) and endless roads winding through jungles, mountains and rice paddies - STOKED!

Day 1 ended without a hitch - unlike poor Dan and Anna - 2 pommies we met that eve. They had spent 250 000kip on repairs (almost our whole days budget) in one day - and they rented their bikes from Mr. Ku literally seconds after us so things could have been a whole lot different if we hadn been first in line! Thinking safety in numbers we took them along on the ride and our duo (excluding Gary, Hank and Funcan) became a party crew of 4. Day 2 we motored off to the Kangor Cave and hired trusty boatmen to take us through the 7km beast - was really quite something - one rickety boat, 2 agile boat crew and 7kms of pitch black cave (good thing i packed my torch) - whole trip took close on 3 hours and then it was back on the hogs. We stopped for lunch at this pretty little guesthouse - Sime made the mistake of ordering the Curry Chicken - swimming kneecaps in spicy sauce didn quite hit the spot! We then had to race the sun to our napping spot cause you don want to be dodging potholes, trucks, friendly folk saying Sabadee, chickens, goats, cows or the 5 meelion water buffalo in the dark. On that water buffalo note - how awesome are they - proper grumpy bastards - Ive been dying to take one along on our travels but Sime keeps sayingno- still keeping my eyes peeled for one of the smaller fellows though!

After yet another bowl of fried rice,many a Beerlao and a nap we were ready for day 3...or were we? If i still had an ass at this point, it had but hours left! Wow, we had read some horror stories about the roads but none prepared me properly for day 3 - it took us 4 and half hours to ride 77kms! (gives you an idea of how awesome they were!) But shucks - what fun - up and over giant boulders, skidding through muddy trenches, chuckling as Sime headed face first into the bushes (highlight) - we conquered the Death Road in style i say! i really can describe it to you guys - SO many hairy canaries - we finally made it to Mahaxai at around 5pm, ass-less and covered head to toe in oad! Best day ever! Our little guest house was just dandy too - this fellow had built each little bungalow himself - but only on Sundays as he worked as an engineer at the nearby powerplant Monday - Saturday. After and icy cold shower, i patted me some fine bovines and headed into town for some grub. We ended up at a restaurant aka family home where us strange white folk made the kiddies day! Zero English, zero menu - all the kiddies simply ran back and forth waving various ingredients - we all smiled and hoped for the best and ended up dining on a delectable feast of fried noodles, pork and veg (i had to dodge the devil tomatoes!) - good times!

And that about sums it up - on the last day we mounted our steeds for an easy (but very pretty) hours ride back to Tha Khaek. It really was quite the adventure but definitely one of the best things ive ever done - plus we must be the luckiest bastards alive as nothing went wrong (as i said- Sime in bushes = highlight) Hank and Gary are now both decidely brown - Gary is threatening to go home - Hank is proving the true favourite as folk seem quite fond of elephants in ASia! Suck it up Gary! Right i must charge - need to wake Sime from his nap and psych ourselves up for our 20 hour bus ride to Bangkok tomorrow - hell yeah! So much squatting by the bus!!

Missing all you mutts LOADS but having a whale😊
Lots and lots of love
eM, Slime, Gary, Hank and Funcan x x

p.s. went fishing with a local fella today and caught me 1x (small!) catfish - mine had whiskers and everything - far cooler than Slimes dude! Also cycled so far i wanted to cry...Sime was crying.

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Comments

[Dad]

Wow
Sounds like one huge adventure Em,please be careful!! Guess you will be one big bike rider going forward you will have to teach me. Life will be pretty dull when you get back to reality again and have to earn the dreaded crust.Enjoy yourslf and store up the memories. Love Dad xxx