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I took hardly any photos in Nha Trang and pretty much used them up so I am going to make this a super long entry including Da Nang and Hoi An too. Just to make it look purdy.
So I've spent too long in Nha Trang. Felt very flat today. Too many negative c-nuts and drink about perhaps. Had to half sleep a lot. Finally went out with intentions to see sea life in jars but stopped by for waxing and massage and finally trying to fix my more than suspect phone. It is, and only recently, well smashed. Almost a decorative shattering.
The waxing was something I'd thought about getting for a while. Despite the recent (20 year) clever business move to brainwash us all into being hairless hamsters, and thus almost double the market, some girls quite like "man like animal" and it is probable I return to my wild state but I tried it out. Had dabbled years back but not like this. I was concerned it would be well hurting but found it more funny than painful, despite the pain. They kept saying "Lum" which i believe is hairy and the less competent one was
giggling every time she didn't quite rip off a strip. She would make an unusual bdsm madam being only 5ft3 with hands little bigger than my palms but hey, she probably would love it and definitely the lack of stereotype aspect would draw a goodly amount of clientele yeah? Lol... Lum. That little mynx... *shakes fist... suppresses arousal*
Finally went out with the Vietnamese girls despite my reservations. They offered but at the end of the day I felt I should cos I have the money to throw away much more easily and paid for the night out. Maybe (definitely) i just wanted to be the big man with money for once. Either way, it was super strange walking into a super nice bar with three good looking girls, who were taking the silly winking photos that I am not at all a fan of, but will just have to get used to or be irritated indefinitely.Largely I could hardly speak to them as we'd talked as much as our language skills crossed over already. Not exactly comfortable but I made do in what was assumably a paradise for some. The girl who could actually speak English well enough
that i get on with was a good dance partner. I poured out buckets of sweat but made it fun with my mad gumby dancing skeelz despite such. I always have been sweaty but I think the recent drinking period contributed. I danced with one of her then two of her friends later on but neither of them could move to the music as well and it just felt a bit awkward but still not bad. So very pretty, maybe they were so stunted because they were dancing with such a fine weirdo but I don't think so. Outside of latinos and black folke, very few dance well and actually look like they are enjoying themselves percentage wise and so I really appreciate those who can let go and have fun with it (and that I can mooch moves from.) Maybe I should dance more and be happy with such- it certainly feels good. Side note; Sailing Club is definitely a place to find beautiful ladies to purchase. One stunner came up to me from her group of equally stunning friends and played the "sho tall" game at the bar and another was hovering kinda near the exit with faux-furtive
smiling glances back past pillars what reminded me of a vampire film scene. Maybe I'm wrong and they were just beautiful girls out for fun but there's no reason why a lot of these women would be looking like they do at us fatty westerners without the almighty dollar basically vasolining the lens sufficiently. Maybe even taking off the tub lid, dumping the entire contents on the camera, and then using the lid to cover the lens entirely. Oh well. Worse things in this world to complain about yeah? 😊 And studies have shown that money thing a is part of the whole universal male/female attraction dynamic its just that in Vietnam I actually appear to have enough money to matter (but I dont hahaha!).
We went to another bar where I met some familiar folk but left soon afterwards. I was ok, good even (read; inebriated) but I'm glad we left early. Going out has never ever been a great thing for me but I like parties etc so *shrugs*. I tried to not feel out of place during the whole thing at least and was successful in this but it has always seemed a strange situation to
me, and something I have avoided largely. Later, one of the girls told me some white guy tried to "Ali Baba" her purse whilst dancing which is largely why we left. What a twit- yeah I'm sure there is some girls in these places well off from the cash errrmmm milked from the westerners but these girls I was with were just more or less regular to lowish paid kindof locals. Goddamn tourists. Biggest problem with tourism I says.
Ha yeah also saw a dude swallow a half cigerette, take a sip, return the cigerette and continue to smoke. Twice. I bowed gracefully (that is, graceful with my drunken recollection of the notion of grace) in respect to his mastery. Probably super easy and common party trick to do but there's always a first person to do these things. And that first is always mad. And he was not first, I know, but still a great trick.
One of the nights a very drunk Russian came to the bar. He wanted to shout the whole bar but I kept him away from the other few patrons and kept the drink buying between us. He was a little intimidating,
spoke just a little more english than my 6 words of russian and had a couple of tattoos and I am not sure if he was threatening/warning me but in the end, i think he invited me to visit him in a place starting with K in syberia, we hugged many enough times and he called me camaraden and I put him on a motorbike, paid the rider and hopefully he got back to his hotel ok. The man must have the bladder of a giant as he pissed against the wall for a well long time. He left his phone and a decent enough amount of cash but I told the girl not to take either especially as he may be a dangerous sort (just a vibe), just hold onto them for him for a while at least. But yeah, that was odd and more than a little uncomfortable but I think I handled it as best I could.
One of the girls took me to an actually great beach near Nha Trang. Something stupidly long in terms of distance, the water was warm and clear enough with some amazing seafood shacks. There was two other Vietnamese with
us and quite an enjoyable break away. Definitely the best piece of rubbish I have ever sea-combed was a gigantic light globe- 20cm in diameter. I wanted to bring it with me but it wouldnt travel well being too big and fragile but can you imagine- every time I have a brilliant idea I could whip it out and hold it above my head with a cheesy grin! That would never get old but I guess carrying it around waiting for those all too rare moments would be quite the pointless.
So another great highlight in Nha Trang- I used a toilet with one vital component missing; the flushing mechanism. There was a sign in Vietnamese above the bowl- my guess was- "Attention: Don't take a shit and use the butt hose thing to flush". Well I worked out the second part all on my ownsome but it was too late to press any reverse button to meet the first request. MOSTLY successful in the spray-flush but I had to be a man once more this trip and manually disintegrate a stubborn trooper. Someone had to. Nurses, parents, others- all the time they do similar such unpleasantness. And to
think, I'm not sharing any of the really disgusting stuff 😊
Booked a train out of Nha Trang but had to wait a few more days to get a soft seat- not even a sleeper- as it was a busy period in terms of Vietnamese holiday-makers. I managed to reach the right train and seat. Thought I'd managed to lock myself in the toilet but nope- just my mechanical brilliance shining through. What a way to spend a long trip I thought. People would be shitty and pissed off but only i would have the power to physically express these things as I sat, mighty on my throne (ahaha).
Went for a stroll down through to both ends. With the grace of a tipsy elephant I still didn't stomp on any Vietnamese, sprawled out in various formations as they were. No less than three Vietnamese sat next to me in shiftwork rotation. It was either the stench factor (present) or perhaps something dodgy- either way I blasted music and caught a sliver of sitting up sleep that night.
Arriving in Da Nang in my half alert state I was easy pickings for the taxi what
whisked me away to Hoi An. Just another contribution to the millions of dong I needn't of spent. He too taught me some Vietnamese but I ain't been a great student of late. Took me to a well nice place I got a little rorted on too but meh. It had a pool. What I used every night.
Eventually I got out to explore this historic wonder, this national treasure. What beauty, what mystery, what gems would I uncover? I wheedled my way down as I embarked on this epic quest and lo, look there! Could it be? Yes! It was a Playstation 3 cafe. So I played God of War for a couple of hours instead. When I left I was not really all that thrilled with the actual place. Yeah the buildings might be unusual but they have been stuffed and surrounded with expensive clothes, hit-and-miss food, and squillions of westerners. I left the tourist area after a 2 hour threshold had been reached and really didn't spend much more time there at all.
Fortunately Hoi An had some other qualities I appreciated. I wandered near the river through a proper Vietnamese living area
and popped out at the very edge of the tourist area. I accepted an invite to a nice little restaurant/bar and played the boy (of 18) in pool. We then played soccer with others, all barefoot in dusty dirt surrounded by weeds. I was living the dream. Sweat drenched I returned to the bar and met some cool frenchies. One of the guys, Michel, was dating a girl from the restaurant family. I was invited to some delicious family seafood and rice wine. It is always good to eat, drink and be merry.
I went one morning to Marble Mountain. It was just myself and two cherman girls who could have a laugh. First stop- family souvenir store. Only thing I wanted was a sweet Buddha teapot but my initial offer was never going to be close. And i dont ever use teapots but surely someone i like does. The mountain itself is nice. You know- stairs, caves, temples, great views. Totally worth going just for these things. And then there is the sea of stores. All mostly selling stone carvings ranging from finger ring size to boxing ring size (well maybe not that big but pretty big
and I wanted to be clever... *sigh*). Prodded, the tour guide responded these stores sell mostly across the globe and Vietnam, not so much to tourists. We split from the girls and I went on to the Cham sculpture museum- a minority people defeated by the Vietnamese. A guide makes such a difference as they explain things here and there. What is potentially mundane becomes interesting. We went to the beach and I swam. Great beach at Da Nang. Huge. Mountains nearby, places to sit and eat with that faux-Miami palm tree agenda that I don't actually mind.
Hung out with Michel et al a couple of days later and we discussed a great deal many things including the nature of a relationship with a Vietnamese girl and that you are kindof dating/marrying the whole family. Not neccessarily a bad thing. We also discussed how to generate more business for the place. I contributed a good idea we both expanded on and last I saw, he had a prototype origami gecko promotional flyer- a beer voucher to be left and discovered. I got all excited using my brain to try and help them out in a clever way.
I think it will work well enough. I went to Hoi An beach with him and a niece of sorts and enjoyed the somewhat crowded beach and great seafood. So now I have experienced three on a bike at once. Pathetic number by Vietnamese standards but I'm only learning 😊
I went to Da Nang and spent a goodly amount on a ticket and accommodation. My motorbike taxi rider seemed a nice guy and I secured his services for a tour the next day. Not such a clever idea really as he was not overly familiar with the area and not as skilled in English as the other guides I've had. And he liked to brake hard on the bike sometimes resulting in me becoming overly intimate as momentum pressed me firmly into his body.
We saw a meh beach around a town that had a wow lake before heading to an amazing freshwater spring. Not that i have much to compare it to but still- the beauty. I met some cool Danes who dissuaded me from visiting Hue and splashed about in my floaties with them for hours burning somewhat. The dude told me of
his experience in Indonesia, including how he learnt the language and how afterwards he was impressed with how bitchy locals could often be- gossiping and being very sexual in their denegration for like the whole hour he was in a restaurant for example. Then he would leave, saying something complicated enough politely and correctly and leaving them shocked and embarrassed. Gold! People are mostly nothing more than just that. Hardly anyone there even though it was built up for hundreds. I practiced slow walking (cos you know, I'm a hectic walker) and looking down, I realised I was simulating snorkeling in such a relatively still water.
I returned to Da Nang for a couple of days, got too drunk, played with some locals here and there as well as swim. Saw a good film- French- The Promise- but missed the end; lousy pirated material. Also a bad action movie that was quite good- The Tournament. now am off to Hanoi via sleeper train sharing a berth with an older reserved Vietnamese gentleman and assumably his young grandson. The boy is annoying. Hanoi-ing (ahahaha... so good to complain when I get there). Seriously, this kid is penis (Dennis... I
meant Dennis) the menace. Carrying on, flicking off the lights, swinging on the railings, opening/closing the door and now, now he's had sugar water and has become a
real nuisance. But he's a kid. Has energy. Bored as hell. Can't be mad at him.
And now he's kicked over the last of my dinner beer onto me.
These windows are pretty big. Definitely could fit a kid through them.
Just saying.
Met some more frenchies on the train. Not much English from most but hey, I have like 10 words of French so who's to blame here? Super friendly, I like plenty of French travellers. I like their films, food and political passion. And they have such a bad rep for rudeness. The general opinion is to be noted but never held as anymore than that.
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Message to hairy manback
Yo bez, Cool blog, it's been entertaining but don't go do anything "entertaining" for the sake of entertaining the readers in your next post but if you don't, we probably won't read it. Just a shout out to ho bong Wong, hung man ha, sodi man what? "deep!" and the iact crew. Be safe and enjoy yo self. Take it easy