Good Thaims... No? Well I don't care. That's the title.

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So it took me about half an hour of walking within the city before I was accidentally in the middle of one of the several red-light strips of Bangkok. I know, I know what you're thinking. Surely not. He is such a noble saintly sort, with a name synonymous with virtue and puritanical values. I was, of course, aghast... no not really, more impressed with my subconscious homing pigeon skills. Walking through this "mall" about 11:00am the place was just waking up to brush its formidable teethe. There was people hosing down the spilt drinks, blood, vomit and "other assorted" bodily fluids of the night before.



I halfway fell (by that I mean I got a reduced price closer to the real price but still well overcharged) for a basic taxi driver- hotel scam and paid a silly amount for my room (although the place had a swimming pool) but oh well. Seems you can't just rock up to Thailand, give everyone the Fonzie thumbs-up signal and subsequent "eeeeyyyyyy" noise and always expect to find something decent and cheap. Couldn't work out the shower/bath system and switched rooms and politely cited the reasons being the (clearly malfunctioning) shower and the asians next door, who were blasting their tv volume. One of the cleaners showed me how to turn on the shower (you had to have patience greater than cantankerous rhino in a particularly pacey mood) and I noted this was the 473rd time this year I had possibly not been so clever. Only possibly mind you, never guaranteed. This place was not bad trying to pass itself off as quality but at least it wasn't like a similarly outfitted place I stayed in later what was just full of the dark energy (far out man, not groovy you dig hep cat?) and had an extensive list of replacement costs for items within the room should they be damaged in some form of psychotic-rage-enabled-room-redecoration.



I was at a bit of a loss as to what to do regarding touristy things. My friends were due to arrive in two weeks and I didn't want to retrace old ground with them. In hindsight i should've cleared out of the city straight away and checked out some places not on our itinerary, which I did do, but a little later than ideal. Laos had given me a breather from city life and so Bangkok was not as pressing as it could've been. So I just walked about. I'd pick a map from the guidebook and just walk from sight to sight. Sometimes taxi. In all fairness, the walking in Bangkok proved more interesting than most of the guidebook recommendations.



I met with Emi, my Japanese friend from Laos, and she took me out to a nightclub with a friend of hers. It was loud, flash and I was quite sober. Nightclubs used to intimidate me I think. Now they just bore me. The company can be great and sure you can drink but I just plain don't find them a quarter way as fun as other people make it out to be. I think I was born old or something. I'm an "old soul" lol. Nope, probably a ferret in my past life. Told my parents the other day people have told me they can see a great artistic spirit within me. Many a people have called me many a time an art-soul. Compliments where you can get them, or misinterpret and extract them from said misinterpretation :P The girls were dressed nicely and I was in some of my least hobo-travellers-gear, which was still pretty hobo-esque but hey... I'm white and money means acceptance. Still, we all had a dance, cramped even after I moved these jigsaw-like-tables/chairs, but dancing is good.



Went to a recommended art gallery with a fairly poor current show selling for a fairly rich price. After seeing a cwazy elephant on a motorbike statue I was well excited for art-potential within Bangkok but this day proved pretty disappointing as the next major stop of the Bangkok Cultural Centre was like visiting a halfway complete sparsely populated mall. I went to the library downstairs and got my fix from one of those overloaded art history picture books (I can reads them pikture books good like and all. They my very wery favourites they is). Still, a cool big-boobed-statue sunken into the concrete out the front mollified me somewhat.



Visited one of the small but major sites of Bangkok tourism- Jim Thompson's house. Cool place and definitely enhanced by the included tour guide. Couldn't take photos inside and I decided to respect said rule this time (I have a coin flipping around in my brain that decides these things... don't blame me, blame the coin). There was some great pieces of pottery and statues within. I told a fella I particularly admired this piece as I stood in front of a fan to cool down, wind rustling through my scalp. I also quite liked the cat-shaped chamber pot for dudes and a kinda sad looking frog for the ladies. I guess the frog is just not into that sorta thing... I bet Kermit is though... any dude who only seems to spring into life with another persons hand up their butt who is particularly fond of a girl from an entirely different species has got to be quite the kinky libertine one suspects.



Met up with Emi again for dinner. The restaurant was quite good, called "Cabbages and Condoms", and provided some amusing photos along with some decent food. She escorted me back to my hotel in the drizzling rain (cos I'm an utter gentleman and this is how these things work right?) and I thanked her for her company and conversations and we parted.



That night I was having a beer and a cigarette outside the hotel and was accosted by several cockroaches. I was in a particularly Buddhist frame of mind (drinking... how very Buddhist) and didn't want to kill them or even flick them away but they grew bolder after the can-slamming sounds didn't result in their demise so I upgraded to flicking on the lighter. That started to prove tiresome and less effective also so I poured them a little beer out and proceeded to watch them swarm to the newly opened drinking hole. Pretty sure I saw them talking rubbish about topics they have no idea about, laughing one minute only to get to punching the next and ending the night swaying back to their crevice, with or without another roach. Seriously though they crawled along afterwards very drunk. I was well amused and enjoyed the diversion.



So the shopping here is way better than in Australia. At least for clothes. I found a place themed by famous cities of the world on each level but mostly the men's fashion was on the Rome and London levels. Most of my wardrobe is about five years off being cool again thanks to retro cycles and I can see the appeal to people making a pit-stop in their travels to shop in Bangkok. I bought some gifts here but returned later in the journey for stuff for myself as well as a couple more little gifts. Both heartening and ego-bursting that the world actually contains a lot of cool clothing already in their standard stores. Australia has a lot of brand-name-stamped clothes that are really quite boring generally.



Went to an island called Ko Samet (I think I just said the island called Island Samet...) Deftly avoided double-charging tjuk-tjuk transfer and scamming boat ferrys like a veteran. Went to the right place for a ferry. There was a lightly masculine lady boy out the front with hair styled like Mickey Mouse ears. We bought the tickets and I dobbed in the people in the pier across the way. The lady boy said in a kinda gay puerto-rican way, complete with sideways head shuffling "Did you say, honey... do I look stoopid?" I had a glut of responses cramming for release in the tiny space between my brain and my mouth but just swallowed, laughed and said "Yeah". Lady, you frighten me but I do quite like your hairstyle, well done!



We ate, we wait, we go. All the top deck chairs were facing forward providing a magnificent view of the view-blocking cabin so I turned the back row of tied-together chairs around with the assistance of a Frenchie to enjoy a much better view. We had a good little conversation after I began it by backhand complimenting his people.



Got dropped off midway down the island in a miscommunication and decided to trudge back with my overloaded baggage for some much needed conditioning work. Went the wrong path and the detour meant it took about an hour to reach my hotel. Heard the freakiest sound of a frog choir. Found plenty of cheaper offers on the way. Low season and weekday. Got to remember this heady combination. Reached my villa with its great view of the ocean and it's mostly friendly staff. Had two beers and couldn't sleep due perhaps to the life-reawakening exercise, looking forward to a week of exercise and relative sobriety. An ocean in front of me and a jungle behind. Life is not so bad sometimes.



Up and out exploring at a reasonable hour. Found some sectioned off beaches and some fancy places to stay along the northern edge of the island. Kinda went every which way around that section of the island, any further and I think I would've been rudely trespassing (I only politely trespass intentionally) and so turned back and settled into the very warm water for a splash. Managed to step on a sea urchin for the first time ever and rushed back to shore, fearing it was something more serious perhaps. I saw the purplish spikes embedded shallowly in the foot and was relieved, but in a little pain and hobbled back to clear and clean the wound. Basically fine after that, I weaved down south to the middle of the island, stopping at each beach to find the perfect place. I saw some loose dogs sniffing about down the road and so picked up a dildo-shaped club what must've been building material refuse (or failing that... well... it looked like it might've been one but the pointier end had been gouged out a bit so I didn't notice it till later... kinda funny if it was... definitely should be in the latest Dungeons and Dragons rulebook as a +1 item). Two separate occasions already on the island, the dogs had been a bit growly for my liking and a little security was in order. No need it proved.



Went back and arranged to meet the french guy I'd met on the boat for a couple of beers and a meal. Met some Chinese girls and helped them out as the staff were absent. One of them offered to buy me a beer but I said later in the week as I was meeting someone already. I escorted the girls to a restaurant area and ran down to meet my friend but we failed wi-fi arrangements 101 and arranged to meet later that week also. I went to a bar for some water and a beer. A lady boy patted my face down with a paper towel as I left the toilet. I thanked her and she came up to me for a conversation and a smoke. A little later I was solicited by a little gay boy. The lady boy returned and I cooled her down with my cold water bottle which she thanked me for by liberally applying kisses across my face. So now I guess I've been kissed by a man on the lips. Sorta. Another first. Hooray!



I left and saw the Chinese girl at the shops. She bought me promised beer and we returned to the villas for a chat. Went to bed a couple of hours later sober and buzzing from all the exercise, clean air and interactions. Didn't actually sleep that night and had a bit of a hectic time, enough so that I decided it best to leave the island and rethink my trip entirely. Met a helpful dude back on the mainland the next morning and wound up in Bangkok again that evening. Long story short, I found a great little hostel and got some sleep.



The next week is a bit blurred. 100% sober, I felt the free flow and recall of a drunk at times. My sense of smell came back reinforced to a point where I could taste a meal at two feet away. Unfortunately I could also smell my smelly self at the times when the stink is upon me. My speech has to be monitored by the speed camera daemons stationed in my ears to make sure I don't break the sound barrier when excited.



I do recall visiting the Grand Palace and Wat Pho. The palace was amazing and had well cool old old art throughout. Wat Pho saw me rent-a-friend in the form of a tour guide. That was good. Also a fortune teller. That was funny. Had fun at the hostel with some friendlies, and even made a friend or two.



Heard some great stories from one of these friends, a well traveled and skilled man called John. One of these stories was from a former Navy SEAL he had befriended whilst working on a ship. Being in a confidential trade, much couldn't be shared by the SEAL but equally much could. One of the things was the nature of the work cycle where the man would be drinking coffee with his wife or some such similar activity when he would be called up, aboard a plane within two hours, completing his mission, and returning home just in time for the news to breaking a story related to said mission. 100% of the time, what the news was saying about the event was simply not true. The second story is complete within itself in this quote "So I'm gonna invite my ladyboy friend over, smoke some more horse medicine, drink some duck blood and maybe we have some group sex." Gold.



I missed my flight home as I went to the wrong airport. Was treated to two semi-decent scams though. The first involved a metered taxi that charged between $35 and $70 for the pickup. I questioned this faulty meter and said I would pay straight up $10 to get me back to the city but he looped back to drop me off again at the airport, looking to pick up a newcomer to Thailand, free of charge. The second guy had notes from each country stuck in plastic on the roof of his vehicle. He asked me if I had any Australian money to donate to his collection as he didn't have any Australian notes (or New Zealand, English or Euros). I offered a coin and laughed, waggling my finger and telling him he was good and I liked his methods. I asked him how much money from these countries he had collected over the years and all of a sudden his english was not so good. I still gave him a tip cos I quite liked his originality but of course this is Asia and I saw it as a often copied scam later on.



Hung out with John and saw the unessential yet decent Museum of Siam and the quite cool modern art gallery called "The Queen's Gallery". Got to understand the rivalry and differences between people from the South and North of England. Northerners stereotypically are a bit bigger and slower than their fast-talking southern counterparts. I've since found out I have a lot of Northerner/Scottish heritage. Figures (and explains why I wear a tartan skirt if given the option).



Chinatown was good- everything you want to buy but cannot bring home through customs is there. Weapons of all sorts can be bought here. Buckets of ninja stars. Bouquets of batons. Porn is unbelievably illegal in Thailand but everywhere in Chinatown there's a plenty. I bought some Pokemon cards as it was the closest I could find to an english card/board game in Asia but I know they are going to gather the dust until a donation sweep of my belongings occurs.



Met with Shaun et al and had a pleasant evening of company and chatting. Left the hostel for a second time. Nearly missed the flight from Kuala Lumpur back to Sydney. Rocked up without announcement to my parents shock and dismay. I guess I will enjoy the rest of my holidays here. There is good food, conversation, beaches, forests and I think I mighta beckoned the Monsoon follow. All in all a good trip with a fair share of euphemistically "interesting" times. Plenty of firsts, plenty of mistakes, plenty of learning.

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Photos

Jim lives here
I took this outside, leaning off a post, barefoot in the rain before you question my undeniable honour to obeying the result of the coin toss

The Cat House in Thailand proved to be both correctly titled and initially disappointing because of such
But there are some friendly bundles of cats you can pet through the cage so it works out

Chinatown Bangkok. You can buy anything...
... but some things are best left unbought y'see.

Comments

[D MJ Binkley]

Discovered your blogs today
I"m enjoying reading about your travel. Nice photos.