I'm so fake and cheap...

---

I love Thailand. You can get knockoffs of anything here and of really good quality. For example, I spend 60 bucks on 4 Ed Hardy tshirts and 2 hats. It would've been nearly 10 times that back at home, but it would be the real thing. Actually, they might be since it's made here in Thailand and I can't really tell the difference at all. I also bought Oakley's for 6, a Diesel watch for 7. And I spent way too much on freakin more clothes that I don't really need. I got a custom-made suit that fits like a glove. Or a condom, really, because the thing is a slim fit cut. Did I go overboard on the clothes-buying spree, you ask dear reader? Well do read on.

Early this morning I went to the airport on my way to Phnom Penh and was told by the nice Thai lady behind the ticket counter that I was overweight. Well, not me, but my luggage. How much was I over? 20 kilograms. The limit is 25, so I nearly doubled what is allowed. That meant I would have needed to totally dump one of my bags to go under the limit. Actually I could have dumped the school supplies I brought from home to give to an orphanage or school in Cambodia or donated my new clothes to someone there who could fit into them. While I believe education is vastly overrated, in the end I had to bend over and cough up $70. Stupid me.

Things are cheap here in Bangkok, though. I went to see Hellboy II, which really wasn't that bad, and sat in the VIP section because that's who I am. The VIP ticket was just a nice recliner seat, but in the very back row and in the very middle. They also have a reservation system, where you pick your seats in advance. Popcorn and soda were each a buck. My VIP tickets were 7-8, and that was for the digital movie. It's cheaper for non-VIP and non-digital tickets. The movie experience was the same in every respect as it is here. The only difference was that before the movie started. Prior to previews, there was a montage-type piece played honoring the king. The thing lasted a few minutes and showed clips of the king doing various activities, but everyone was required to stand. That's how I'm going to start my classes from now on.

Last night I spend perhaps the one of the most visually awesome moments on top of a bar 70 stories with 270 degree views of the city. The place itself was beautiful with the bar itself changing colors every few minutes. There's also this long stairway you go down and it's all light up. Then on the top of this tall building is this big as dome. Oh, speaking blowing my wad like I did the last night in Singapore, I went to THE nicest Italian restaurant in my life. Real chefs cleaning plates off for presentation, 50 different servers arriving every few minutes, complimentary appetizers and sorbets between courses, and three sets of washclothes each with different scents. Was it worth it? Um it's definitely a step above the Olive Garden, but not worth the 120 American bones. The $10 beer was a way much better deal at the bar with the outside views overlooking Bangkok. The views of the ladies drinking there weren't that bad either. There was this Russian chick standing next to me who must have been a supermodel because she was like 8 feet tall and in some mean heels.

I did leave Bangkok without doing one thing that I really looked forward to: I didn't get to go on a bicycle tour through the jungles. Looking back now, I'm not too bummed out. I realized I could the same thing at home. I think I will grab a stationary bike, place it into a sauna, crank it up nice and humid, and go down to a local Thai restaurant to hire some people to wave at me.

Okay, so are you wondering where's Waldo now? He's in Phnom Penh. I'm sad to say this, but the place is pretty much a certifiable dump. It is absolutely filthy and disgusting here. I think it obviously has to do with it's crazy ass history and it's poor economy. There's trash all over the sidewalks, albeit in seemingly organized piles. The streets are crumbling the building look faded and worn, there's no mass transit at all, and it smells funky depending where you walk.

Let me put in perspective for you people. If Asia was a Monopoly game, Singapore and Hong Kong would probably be Park Place and Board Walk. Bangkok would be like Marvin Gardens or Pennsylvania Ave; nice but not top end. Where would Cambodia place? Um, it would be the worst projects in the crappiest slums of Baltic Ave. It would be right on the edge of the Pass Go line. The only redeeming quality would be the people. They have been generally the nicest to me as a tourist out of all the places I've traveled to. But the place has got nothing going on. No subways or skytrains, no buses, no chains, no malls, nothing. There's not even a stupid Ronald McDonald grinning in the entire country. The so-called "mall" was more like an indoor swap meet. No stores that you'd normally find at the malls, which isn't that bad.

Now with that said, I did still buy a shirt. I can't help myself. Well folks, this boy needs to get to bed early so he can catch the bus to Seam Reap, which is where the Angkor Wat temples are located. Plus, I'm dying sitting here in the lobby of my hotel. The doors are wide open, there's no air-con, and I just took a shower. Oh I feel dirty..... again.

---