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Here we are! It's been a few weeks, and now Thailand is behind us (for the most part). We kicked it off with our epic 22 hour plane ride. My butt was numb for a couple of days after that, but we've come back to full health. I'd forgotten how antsy you can get on a long plane ride, but I've since been reminded. We finally landed, at the end of all of it, at suwannapoom (that's kind of how you spell it but not really) airport after having not really slept in a couple of days. I kind of wanted to be by myself at that point, but when you're travelling with a group, that is no longer a choice and I had to keep my patience with me at all costs. The woman at O'Hare threatened that we would not be let into Thailand without visas and proof of us leaving the country, and even called her supervisor and bitched at us for a long time and we thought that she was going to ice the entire trip in one shot. Luckily, she was as retarded as we thought she was and the Thai government let us right in with no fuss whatsoever. As we left the airport we walked into a wall of humidity... our first taste of the tropics. We took an airport taxi to the infamous Khao San road, which is a backpackers ghetto and an all around circus loaded with prostitutes and flea-eaten foreigners and corrupt cab drivers trying to sell you drugs and kids. We immediately found a guest house and it was an all around decent place right in the heart of the depraved action. We got up the next day and saw the famous reclining Buddha, which is absolutely monsterous and very cool. We paid our 108 coins (actually, I ran out at 107... 😞, so I cannot transcend to the heavens above) to the jars for good fortune and were plied to buy artwork at outrageously inflated prices. I actually gave in, but lesson learned. Then our guide, who claimed to be a volunteer, wanted money. We gave him 20 baht (62 cents, maybe?), but he wanted more. We gave him 20 more and left. Ryan was chased by a feral woman trying to sell him some psychedelic looking velvet picture, but we ran away into the street. We went back to Khao San and drank. We also ate. By nightfall the party was in full swing, but we were tired and not in good spirits anymore, so we retired to our room to sleep and charge up for the next day. We got up and ended up all over town, eating here and there and trying different dishes like spicy squid salad and some kind of pork creation. Very tasty and sometimes painful and we kept eating unknown sauces that can strip paint off of your car. We also met some locals and prayed for victory at the lucky Buddha, where we talked to an educator who told us his story. Oh yeah, I forgot, the night before we'd gone to see Thai boxing (Muay Thai) at Lumphini Stadium, which is THE major place in the country for fighting and man on man violence. It was excellent; we had ring side seats and watched the carnage unfold. Actually, it isn't that bloody or violent, but it's very good. Highly recommended. Anyway, jump back to tomorrow, which is actually Saturday (I hope I'm making sense... I'm just typing and typing and typing to get it all out). Let me tell you about the Tuk-Tuk. It's a little go-cart / motor bike thing that they ride you around in like a taxi, but every tuk-tuk driver will insist on taking you to places that you don't want to really go to, because if he takes you to a shop that sponsors him, he will get a "gas voucher" with which he can get fuel. People will keep trying to sell you suits and formalwear, but you tell him that you don't actually want any and they get rather upset with you, then you get angry at the tuk-tuk man for taking you here in the first place, when you actually just wanted to go eat or drink. The tuk-tuk is actually very fun and extremely unsafe. If we can bring one home, we will. Anyway, getting off topic. It's saturday and after being all over town and taking in the the sights and sounds and smells and tastes, we go back to our room. We rested up, and then (unknown to us at the time) headed out for an epic and very confusing night. I started out by drinking a bucket, which consists of a sand-pail filled with a pint of Thai booze and some soda and this stuff called M-150. The bucket is a great thing. We killed our drinks and decided to head to a red-light district to witness all of the depraved action in Bangkok. We got a street called "soi cowboy" and went into a gogo bar called "Long Gun", which we'd heard about. We went inside and there's just naked girls everywhere... and they're all extremely pretty. We sat down and had a drink. We decided to get our gameplan together in the bathroom, so we went in there for some privacy and there's just more naked girls doing their makeup in the men's restroom. We got out of there pretty quick, and it all felt strange. Then we went to a regular bar and kept drinking. It began to storm and I was heavily sauced. Then we ended up somewhere else where we met some friendly people. I was confused and got separated from Jon and Ryan and before I knew it I was having a drink with some 90 pound thai girl in a hotel bar that I'd met at a place called "Suzie Wong's" and we were talking about sledding, which she'd never tried before because, naturally, it doesn't snow in the tropics. We'd ended up all over town, so fast forward to about 1:30 AM, where I found a note lodged into the door of our place, where Ryan called me a bastard and urged me to stay put. I passed out on my bed and they'd come back later that night, very unhappy with me. I was very tired and disoriented now and told them that I'd ended up in my underwear drinking strawberry milk with a very nice girl named 'Jah' somewhere not far from our present location. We all went to bed. We got up the next day and prepared to leave the licentiousness of Bangkok for a wildness retreat that the Thai government had signed us up for (I can't make this stuff up... I know I'm writing at a fast and strange pace, but I'm trying to tell our story as fast as possible). We met some unruly, middle aged Brits and headed out. The driver was playing CCR and we went to several touristy and non-descript locales out in the jungle before he took us to the bridge over the river Kwai, which was made famous in history by Japanese brutality (which was extremely watered down for tourists) and a movie. We climbed around for a bit and went to go pet some tigers... I have some funny photos of that, where they we not very gentle with us. That night we stayed out on the river in some valley by the Burmese border and drank. I'd pursuaded the locals to give me some of their rice whiskey, which was not for sale to ordinary gringos. I drank with the villagers and they were extremely nice to me. I also met a Dutch kid who was totally off his rocker and paid dearly the next day. At some point he gave me 50,000 Rupiahs, which is worth about $5 American. They are only good in Indonesia. We got up the next day and the Dutch kid was puking heavily. We got ready for Erawan park, which was absolutely beautiful and is filled with waterfalls. We'd gone swimming and had a great time. We went back to the river camp, where they fed us yet more green curry and rice. The Brits, who were the biggest trashtalkers we'd ever met, wanted to go into town and find a real bar. Every other word from their mouth was "Fucking Hell" and "Fuck'll" and "Bloody Hell" and all of that good British stuff. We signed on and the driver took us an hour away into town. We ended up and some karaoke bar. You don't actually sing though, it's just a frong to buy more hookers. We asked for no hookers and had some drinks. The Brits were drinking constantly, and were now out of the park. One of them demanded that we go to 7-11. Jon was out of his head had bought some weird fish-flavored snacks. The brit bought three hot dogs. I bought a pint of liquor, which the brits ended up drinking most of. (I know this sounds like a booze chronical, but it's not as bad as it sounds in the condensed version... we're very responisble children of healthy and active lifestyles). We made it back and one of them wanted to gamble. Jon sacked out so Ry and I went off with the dice and tought the Brit how to play (his name was Charles). He was getting angry because he kept losing and thought we were cheating him. We finally ended the game, much to his Chagrin, and and walked off with about $20 worth of his Baht. We awoke the next day, ready to leave Kanchanaburi (that's the name of where we were at, by the way), and it was my Birthday. Everyone wished me a happy one, and we completed the day with a short raft trip and a brief elephant ride. The elephants were sad however, and they showed signs of abuse, which made us all sad, even the alcoholic Brits. We drove back to Bangkok an bid them farewell. Then we got to the train station. Ryan was sick today and was not hungry or talkative. We took the sleeper train north all night. The train was a nice break and a good opportunity to kick back. There was a family sleeping in my section, and they had the cutest young kid. He had these slanted eyes and the chubbiest cheeks... you wondered if he could even see through all of the folds. We awoke the next day on the move and ate another questionable Thai breakfast. Their idea of eggs and sausage is most unique. Their sausage here is more like a little purple hotdog, and their eggs are kinds of gray and not cooked. We ate up regardless. We finally got off the train and I needed to use the Thai bathroom. It was a gross experience that I will not share with you. It turned out that Ryan was now getting better and I was the one who was now getting the gut rot. We met Barbara and Lisa for the first time, who we'd end up spending time with in the future. We didn't talk much now, though, because we were tired and hot. We got to our guesthouse and took it easy. I was not hungry and took a nap. I woke up with a fever, and it thought that maybe I could cook an egg on my stomach. Regardless, it was time to keep a stiff upper lip and we'd headed out for the night market. We perused and I felt pretty horrible. We sat down to eat and I just drank a big cup of lemonade, which was delicious. They kept trying to sell us wooden frogs. We made up back to the room and I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to make it on the trek the next day. We awoke and I was covered in sweat. My fever broke so I was ready to roll. We got our gear together and got reacquainted with the euro-birds as well as a japanese couple that was with us, Kiyo and Tabo. We went for a trek in the woods and it was beautiful. We were given some fruit by some local rice farmers and went for a swim in a waterfall. We trekked to camp where we had an impromptu soccer game with our guide, Nook. Lots of fun. I tried eating that night, but was not hungry still... probably because every night we were served rice with green curry and vegetables. They brought out a guitar and we all sang obnoxiously into the night around a fire, and it was a great time. That night we slept in a hut in the jungle. The next day we got up and I ate my eggs and toast. Then we continued on the trek, which was a challenging uphill path, but beautiful. We swam in another waterfall. This one had natural waterslides formed right into the rock and was great. We continued throughout the day to our next camp, which was even more secluded then our last one, and was directly next to a waterfall. We went swimming once more. That night I turned in early, and the others had gone swimming again around midnight... I was surprised that no one had died on the rocks. We'd also been joined by some Frenchies and an obnoxious Canadian by this point, so I just crashed until the next day. Tabo had also gotten sick and now had a fever. The next day we'd gotten up kind of refreshed and ate our breakfast. We took to the trail once more and ended the day with a fun bamboo rafting session. We went back to the guesthouse that night and bid farewell to Nook. We ate and prepared for a night on the town of Chiang Mai. We said goodbye to our Japanese friends who were going to bed and the the three of us with the girls went out. We went to the night market again, and then found a place serving cocktails in the street. The vendor was extremely cool and we met a French expat. We went to somekind of brothel to wish one of the waitresses there a happy birthday and drank tequila where I played Ryan at a game of Connect 4. Ryan won, and we took the show on the road. We went a Reggae club and got our groove on. Jon kept ordering Singapore Slings for everyone, and we all busted a move to Bob Marley Covers. We were also reunited with one of our guides, Rambo. Rambo reccomended another place, which was another club, but more alternative music. We danced barefoot in the sand, and finally went to one last club, by the end of which, we were all entirely out of juice and very hot and thirsty for water. We went back to the place, and bribed the doorman to let us go swimming after hours with a pack of cigarettes. After swimming, we went to bed. The next day we got up and ate breakfast and said goodbye to another guide, Didi. We awaited our ride North and said goodbye to the European girls, and then road up to the Laotian border, where our room was filled with living reptiles.
Next time I'll tell you about Laos and maybe part of Vietnam. I'm in Laos right now. Hope you're all doing great.
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anonymous
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Full Moon Fever
I'm glad to see you three haven't been Shanghied into working as bushmen deep in the jungles somewhere, and the locals haven't turned on you...at least not yet. Write when you can, I'm enjoying every word. I'm quite jealous you know. See you at the party Richter.