OPERATION: LEMON MERINGUE

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Hi. Welcome to the first installment. I'm happy to be here, and I hope you're happy to be here, too. We leave tomorrow for a six-week slog through Indochina. We are chalk full of true grit. True grit.

In order to help us prepare for the tropics, Jackie-Boy and I hollowed out a pineapple with an icecream scoop and blended together a variety of fruits and ice and gin, then poured it back into the empty husk and drank it. Later we made pina coladas, and tried to saw open a coconut, which was a project that was unfortunately abandoned due to difficulties. With all of that under our belts, I think we're good and ready for the challenges that lay ahead. Jackie and I were prescribed the controversial drug 'Lariam' to combat the diseases of the jungle. The list of mental side effects is long and concerning, and even more disturbing were the numerous testimonials by people who claimed that it permenently changed their brain chemistry and said things like, "I cannot stop crying. I wish I could be who I was before I took Lariam. DO NOT TAKE!!!! DO NOT TAKE!!!!!", but we were quite prepared to gamble with our health. We'd joked about disappearing into the jungle during a manic episode and sending home a note that said, "Sell the house! Sell the car! Sell the kids! I'm NEVER coming back! Forget it!!!", (we've watched Apocalypse Now about 100 times), and I was happy to know that if I was going to go completely insane, and operate without any decent restraint and beyond the pale of all acceptable human conduct, that I wouldn't be alone in doing so. It's been a week since we've started the anti-malarials and neither of us have awoken in a cold sweat, ran outside with no pants on while shouting and trying to flag down the ice-cream man, or had thoughts of hurting ourselves (or others)... so either we're fit for the job at hand or some of the hype is in part generated by media outlets that take things out of context and individuals with prior-existing issues to be solved. No need to worry though, absolutely no need. Never worry about any of us. Ryan on the other hand was given a massive jar of daily horsepills in lieu of the weekly ones that we'd received. I cannot provide testimony on his mental state, but I think that he's fighting fit. He's a very capable man. Let me introduce you to them both, as you may not know them as well as you now know me.

Jackie-Boy used to be a soldier. Now he's a college student. He likes loud shirts and listening to ELO with the windows down. He also has a yen for over-the-top guns and expenisve liquor... enjoys trashing bathrooms. He hates minivans and dance clubs. He's the shortest, but he has the biggest arms and chest out of any of us. In a rumble his weapon of choice is a lead pipe. He treats women with decency and respect. I don't think he's ever eaten a meal that did not consist of sausage, porkchops, or steak. If he was born in another time, he'd be somewhere on a U-Boat on the atlantic ocean. He's also a karaoke ace; often dreams of societal breakdown and subsequent mob-rule.

Ryan holds a degree in Criminal Justice, but about the only justice he ever dispensed was the time we stole a 40 lb sack of doughnuts from a bakery dumpster and he assaulted oncoming traffic at high speed with glazed fury. He's known as "Professor Amazon" to his close scholastic associates. One of his favorite movies is The Goonies and he often puts barbecue sauce on everything... even hotdogs. He will eat anything. He was a trained lifeguard at some point, and can resuscitate people, maybe. He's an experienced outdoorsman and has spent time in the Northwest, navagating the terrain and blowing away apples with a .357 magnum. Does not enjoy Karaoke, but an avid dancer with moves that would make John Travolta take intrest.

...And you already know me. Our bags are packed for the most part, we've been immunized against several nasty diseases, and we're kind of physically fit. We also have a boom box and about 300 1960; Thank you for reading, and hopefully we will have another installment ready in a few days... so I hope you come back to join us; though they may lose coherence as time passes.

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Photos

Ryan
Ryan at a formal event with now Fiancee Chelsea.

Jackie-Boy
Don't worry. He's a professional and a gentleman.

Schererville
My hometown. Image borrowed from Wikipedia.

Me
Not very sober.