Ladyboys and Teenage geeks

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January 10th 2010
Published: January 11th 2010
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Was by the pier for 8.30, pleased to be leaving the superficial Ibiza atmosphere of Ko Phi Phi. Don't get me wrong, I love Ibiza, and it's likely I'll be making it over there for a third time in the summer, but we'd just got settled into traveller mode and had ditched the straighteners and make-up, so it was crap when we needed to get dressed up & make and effort to "keep up with the Jones". Boarded the ferry to Phuket and slept in the sunshine on the top deck. We saw the usual taxi touts waiting eagerly on the shore, so after asking how much they wanted (500THB), we walked up the road and flagged one for 400. You may read this and wonder why we're going to such lengths to save 100THB (the equivilent to 2pounds) but after calculating how much we had saved over the course of 4 days, we realised it was more than a full days budget, each!
There had been no vehicles on Phi Phi (only pushbikes) because the Island is so small, so this was our first taxi since leaving Krabi. We found a Guesthouse with a perfect room and bartered to get it 100THB cheaper for each of the nights we were staying.
The last few nights I've been having nightmares about Thai food, so today I opted for a sandwich and chips at lunch, despite being very tempted by the Pad Thai. We waited aaaages for it to arrive - I was so hungry I started looking through the condiments tray for anything edible, but finally it arrived and the food was fab. Walked to the beach and got 2 sun-loungers and a brolly, then admired the soft sand that glittered with tiny particles of sparkly shells. Watched a really hairy dog drag itself lazily to the water and visibly perk up as it cooled down. It bounded around barking at the waves, then rolled around in the sand, loving it! Inspired by the fun it was having, I went for a dip and surfed the waves with my arms outstretched. It was so much fun and I kept laughing outloud to myself, not really aware of the people around me.
Ellie and I cringed as a girl in a Barbie pink bikini rolled around (Katie Price style) on the beach while her body builder boyfriend took photos. He looked just as embarrassed as we did. I laughed at Ellie when she swooned at Orange-Shorts Boy, as he swaggered into the sea and rinsed his shoulder length, highlighted hair in the water. I laughed even more when he turned round and she recoiled in horror at the sight of his untoned muffin top. He then proceeded to flex his muscles and rub himself in oil then look around to see who was watching. Barbie and Ken would be better on Phi Phi Island.
Met a guy in the sea called Josh, he's from Brisbane and (like all the other Ozzy's we've met) was really helpful giving us advice on where to go. Back at the loungers, I filled with sadness watching the Thai people (covered in long sleeve tops, hats and trousers) walk up and down the beach selling fruit, drinks, belts and scarves. They always smiled at people. The sadness turned to anger when I saw tourists be rude to them, demand things, and not use their manners. I sat there venting, daydreaming about walking up and kicking sand at them or flicking them on the nose.
Ellie and I ate at a place called Tiger Inn for dinner. It was jungle themed, with trees snaked with ivy, fake tigers, and a live band. We both decided to go for the cheap option of Thai noodles so we had more to spend in the bars later. We had a Thai bucket in a family run bar called Jasmine. The mother, father, daughter and son entertained customers by challenging them to games of Jenga and Connect Four. They even ran a contest to see who could hammer a nail in to a wooden table with the least blows. They were great fun and we got a hug from the mother when we left. Had some drinks in the upstairs of an Australian bar (a great place to people watch) then nearly got pimped out by the owner of a Go-Go bar who kept inviting old men that passed by to sit with us and drink. A Ladyboy came over to brag about how much botox and surgery he'd had, then wanted a 100THB for sharing such knowledge.
We fleed to another bar accross the street where two very sweet, but very geeky 19 year olds tried to chat us up. Am I hearing things?? Has Ellie just invited them to join us to a club later?? Oh My God, they're nodding in agreement. Taken swiftly by the arm, I led Ellie to the toilet to give her head a severe wobble, and we escaped minutes later minus our spotty teenage friends.
We shared a bucket in the local club called Seduction but it was relatively empty, apart from the odd pervert or Ladyboy, so we had a quick dance then headed back, talking non-stop all the way home. Must have been the Red-Bull.

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