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Published: June 30th 2012
Since my late teens, pulling has become a technique that I've never particularly enjoyed but seem to excel at. This is not a compliment to myself and I am not being big headed.... I'll explain. I have had one long term relationship which I would deem worthwhile and the rest have been encounters for several weeks or months at a time so clearly where I excel in the initial pulling phase, I lack in the area of longevity. I am by no means the best puller I know or the worst 'relationshipper', but you get my drift.
Anyway, I don't enjoy pulling at the best of times. Primarily because it's superficial and when I'm out with friends I'm out to dance, get drunk and have a kebab to finish off the night. I came to Asia as a form of escapism in a way from pulling and men (ironic, as a lot of travellers are totally gorge).
However, for some unknown, drunken and perpetually stupid reason on our last night with the Martin's and Rhys in Koh Tao we decided after a few buckets that it would be funny to go out "on the pull" with me being Martin B's wingman.
I took this job seriously. Very seriously. No fella has ever given me the honour of being their wing man before! I can only blame this for the fact that I made it my mission to find the most bonkers girl in the bar for our Mart. I bought a Singha (for a mingha) and set about my quest. Instantly I found her. She was curly haired wearing a belly top and dancing like a maniac. I thought she was perfect! I walked up to her, "Scuse me" I said. "My friend Martin there thinks you're really attractive."
She dropped her look of confusion and replaced with a look of what I would assume was sheer delight. Either that or she was chompin her gums off on something illegal. "Really?" the Dutch/Italian/Russian girl smiled at me. "Yeah," I continued, "And he would like to put his..." (I motioned a finger outstretched_), "with your..." (I circled my other finger and casually joined them. "You know wha' I mean yeeeaaah?" I winked. At that precise moment, she looked over at Martin who, in a stroke of genius gave her a hearty wink.
"I have boyfriend," she shouted, "I have boyfriend, I have boyfriend."
It was her loss in my opinion but I was told that I was either the worlds best or worst wingman. I promptly hung up my wings.
Until next time...
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