Koh Koh Koh!

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June 24th 2012
Published: June 24th 2012
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I am in Koh Tao! 20 square km of beautiful beautifulness on an island 1.5 hrs via boat away from Samui. It's the kind of place I want to go, "Sod my degree, I'm shacking up here for the rest of my life!" I'll open up a little hotel and a boulangerie, marry a local and spend the rest of my life driving mopeds and leathering my epidermis! It has tree swings. Anybody who knows me will know that this is instant enticement. I've had an obsession since I was 7 and my dad built me a giant one going over ferns and nettles - forcing me to do it to teach me lessons about how I should always live dangerously.

We've met up with two amazing fellows Martin and Martin whom we met in Chiang Mai in the early stages of our trip (to be continued in another blog...) and their crazy friend Rhys. Having previously explained that M. Shaw is half Welsh and Rhys went to Swansea university, I was satisfied enough that we wouldn't be over-run by a bunch of English b**stards or have to talk about the Olympics or Wayne fricking Rooney or whatever. In short, the guys are nothing less than amazing company. We're all staying at a little lodge called Mr J's which belongs to a radical Buddhist with strong beliefs on reincarnation and an apt for handing out home made condoms (one size fits all apparently).

We arrived to Samui absolutely shattered 2 days ago having completed two internal flights within a matter of days. I had my new wheely suitcase and a head full of some poor Bangkok woman's hair which she had mercifully shaved off just so I can vaguely resemble something attractive. Edmunds was sporting a scowl and a shit henna tattoo on her thigh that made her look like a "proper Valley girl". Neither of us felt particularly proud of ourselves and admitted that "Bangkok got us, twice!"

Samui was alright as far as the eye could see. The airport was breathtakingly wonderful, much like the 5* hotel I stayed in last year. We were happy and after exchanging a look of "I'm glad we bypassed Cambodia" - Edmunds and I booked our Koh Tao boat and went about our mission to mahoganize our skin in any way possible. We were willing to sit on the outside of a chicken truck if it meant we could basque in the sun's beaming glory.

We ended up on a beach doing our usual, Edmunds gracefully lounging contently in her hispanic beauty, attracting the attention of every Cornetto man (and every other bloody man) that went past. Me - well I'm an albino at heart so I was getting restless, in the sea out the sea, looking for wifi, reading my book, trying to remove sand from every crevice etc... As Edmunds and I have holidayed before together we are both aware that this always leads to her sporting a glorious Eva-Longoria-Halle-Berry complexion whilst I remain a pasty waif. Great, but I can't sit still at the best of times.

We got serenaded by said Cornetto man which we didn't mind, I was enjoying his voice as much as the ice cream. A bunch of Mark Wright-esque lads started playing volleyball in front of us which gave us spectacular perving time - although sparked the conversation that I do not like the a-typical 6 pack guy - they usually turn out to be w*nkers. To which Edmunds think's I need to sort myself out.

Our next venture came the next day when we excitedly loaded onto a fast speed Katermeran (typo? Can't be bothered to check). We did our usual thing of chatting up every Australian within a 3m vicinity, I was flipping my newly accquired hair and Edmunds trying to hide her God awful tattoo so it looked like she had an ounce of class but at least it got us the front seats.

Once in Koh Tao we met with our gorgeously, gorgeous and wonderful friends and embarked in a day in the sea which ended up drinking Tiger beer in the shallow end until late into the night when we watched the sun set. There was some sort of embargo on alcohol after 6 last night - we aptly rushed to the Seven Eleven at ten to and bought the biggest bottle of vodka we could find, played some drinking games, returned to the sea and met a few stray dogs on the way. Classic! Queue a meal later, more vodka and a midnight pool swim in my underwear and I was more than ready for a cheeky spoon with Edmunds.

Anyway, much more to come about the South in later blogs when we've actually done something more interesting that drinking and tanning....


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