When in Rome ... Ko Samui style

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Day 9

The Anatara Lawan resort provided the most spectacular breakfast spread one could ask for... Smoked salmon, waffles, banana pancakes, eggs florentine, a variety of delicious cheeses, juices, smoothies, and more... All of this overlooking a turquoise tinted ocean. It was a little slice of heaven and this is how we started our day.

After eating everything we could, we went for a long walk into town for some light shopping and a foot massage. It was starting to get really hot outside, so we knew we had to get to the ocean to cool down. We ventured down the shore and stumbled across a beachfront hotel called "Akbar" where we rented an umbrella, bought a piña colada, and played in the ocean. We were making right decisions. After hanging out with what kemper thought were "sand sharks" - they were actually little fishies- we decided to switch things up and move over to the hotel's swim up pool bar. Another good decision, depending on how you look at it.

Lindsay spotted the swim up bar and just jumped right in. Kemper was in the bathroom for all of 5 minutes, while lindsay was aleady making friends with the rowdiest bunch of guys in the entire pool party. And here is when the Irish entered our lives. Meet the 4 Irish brothers: Mark- born and raised on the streets of Dublin, mark is the oldest of the brothers weighing in at 41 years old. He was the most mellow by far, but that isn't saying much. He was flattering with his words, guessing our ages at 24 and 26 years old (stop the laughing and judging now). Damien - entering the ring at 30 years old, with tattooed angel wings covering his entire back, a little girl's hand print tattooed on his heart, a shaved head, and a slight mexican resemblance... Damien seemed to have the best head on his shoulders. Derek - comin' in guns a blazing, Derek makes mike Tyson(of the 90s) look like a warm and fuzzy newborn kitty. The only reason why we even know his name is because it is tattooed across his arm. Not even his own kind can understand this 28year old's thick city accent. Christian - brother from another mother, Christian slurred his way to the sidelines at 35 years old.

The drinking begins and continues through the day. With each beer, the irish became more tolerable and actually kinda hilarious. A couple beers in, a toothless Derek was laying down some serious game with Lindsay. He gave her the nickname "bootylicious" and let her know his intentions, although that's what we think he said. We really couldn't understand a damn thing he was saying. At times, kemper tried to translate to Lindsay using her ever popular international sign language and half British half Asian accent. It's safe to say though, that 90 percent of the time kemper was just guessing. Derek was a special breed.

The irish were living up to their drinking reputation. The brothers drank, splashed, wrestled in the water, pretty sure peed in the pool (and so did Lindsay - when in Rome), and gave each other wedgies. Yep, we were hanging with grown men giving wedgies. Let the picture do the talking of what happened when the wedgies got out of control. Note: Lindsay, in her "when in Rome" attitude, joined in on the wedgie action and gave rotten teeth Derek a good underwear yanking. Which he returned the favor to her. Things were getting wild, but this is not how #34 happens for Lindsay.

Against our better judgement, we cruised back to their balcony for more drinks and to dry off from being in the urine infested pool all day. We definitely had a few drinks in us, so we were feeling blunt. Lindsay gets right to the point and asks Damien if he has ever had a Thai massage with a happy ending. We've all heard of said things. you would be lying if you said you weren't a little curious how it all goes down. So Lindsay was on a mission to figure it out. When in Rome! It was clear when we met them that these guys might just be the guys with the answers to this particular subject matter. And when they had every answer to Lindsay's questions we should have seen our 10th warning sign to hit the road jack. But we didn't. It was getting way too good. After getting the full details on the "etiquette" of getting a happy ending and Mike Tyson making it clear he would "settle" for either of us, we scurried out of there. But, we made one more bad decision to meet them at Green Mango at 10.

We went to dinner, a Thai massage, and a nap. Green Mango here we come!

A casual late arrival - pure Kemper style - and no sign of the boys. At this point we had sobered up a little and were both secretly hoping our new Irish friends were not coming. One drink at the Mango and we were getting ready to head out to our next adventure. Low and behold, down the street we spot Tyson hugging a local Thai hooker and heading our way. Oh joy. We contemplated an exit but it was too late. So going with the "when in Rome" attitude, we leave with the boys and head back to their hotel bar for a drink. To paint the full picture... We were only with Tyson and brother from another mother. The semi Mexican looking brother - Lindsay's potential #34 - was no where to be found. To get to the hotel bar, we had to pass the boy's balconies. And much to our surprise we found the semi Mexican brother... With a friend! Talk about full circle. Mexi was not only an expert in happy endings, but also a savant in Thai prostitutes! Could the night get any better? But of course.

Lets skip ahead to where we dodge another potential drugging of our drinks. Again, all signs said get away from these Irish lads. But curiosity killed the cat. We are once again with brother from another mother (BFAM) and Mike Tyson, but for the last 30 minutes BFAM has been trying to convince Lindsay that we should run for the hills. What? Is this guy serious? He said his friend was nothing but trouble - clearly we were aware- and that we should make it obvious that we were not into hooking up with him. So that put Kemper on a mission. From one bar to the next, Kemper kept saying "hey buddy, you're cool but its not gonna happen." We couldn't understand a word this guy said anyhow, so after every time he spoke Kemper said "We are not hooking up with you." It got to the point where he was absolutely feeling like a dirt bag and frustrated Kemper wouldn't let up. But "BFAM" kept stressing we had to be clear, so Kemper wasn't letting up. We end up at a bar and they order 2 buckets of mixed mystery alcohol, one for us and one for them... No thank you. The all so familiar paranoia sets in. These guys are out to drug us. This is real. Was this the warning BFAM was giving us all along? Our minds went to another dimention. Tyson was not having it when we said we wanted to by our own drinks. He was determined to have us try the bucket of booze, while BFAM was totally cool with us doing our thang. Tyson was clearly getting offended, so Kemper took a fake sip (this is when you pretend to sip through a straw but keep your lips tightly shut and then act like "whoa that drink is crazy, but I don't like it"). Lindsay kept refusing, not realizing how sly Kemper was.

In a weird girly moment, the boys walk away to have a "time out" talk. We were perplexed. "BFAM" comes back from the talk trying to convince Lindsay that she should hook up with him. These guys are clearly insane. Lindsay tells him "not a chance in hell." She goes to the bathroom and Kemper makes small talk with Mike Tyson. All of a sudden, BFAM takes off down the street with his bucket of booze. Kemper turns to Tyson and says, "hey dude your friend just took off." So Tyson told Kemper to watch his "drugged drink" and he would be right back. Tyson ran down the alley and that was the last we saw of the Irish.

The night continued with laughs, recaps of the crazy, drinks and dancing at the Green Mango. We met some interesting and less life threatening people throughout the night. One guy from Isreal practically proposed to Kemper. He said the only problem was that she was not from Israel - aka Jewish. And shortly after while we danced to Rihanna with each other, a rather tall Brazilian stood behind Kemper for an uncomfortably long time as she ignored him and danced with Lindsay. Leave it to Lindsay to address the awkward situation by introducing Kemper to her stalker. A couple weird dances later, the three of us left the dance floor for a drink. Our new Brazilian friend was not so bad. He was actually very sweet, claimed to be a chef living in Australia, and all in all a huge improvement from our last "international mates."

The night ended around 4AM with the 2 of us piled on the back of the Brazilian's scooter headed home and an invite to explore the island with the Brazilian and his unkown friend the next day. With an innocent kiss goodnight...Kemper's #34 checked! Lindsay stellar wing man- double checked!

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