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I talked a lot of big talk before I left for Asia in October. People would ask me when I was coming back and I'd shrug enigmatically, or imply that I was never coming back. My ticket was one-way, man! I was going to become an expat! I was so unhappy in Vancouver, and Thailand was going to solve all of my problems! I was going to be a real adult here!
Scott, who spent about six months here years before I met him, warned me about this view. "Travel doesn't change everything," he said. He implied that one gets sick of being a foreigner. I didn't really understand.
I do now.
I can't really speak Thai. It's a hard language, yo, and I have no time to go to school and learn it. "Make Thai friends," you may say. Well, I don't make friends, really. I'm socially inept. It's tough for me at the best of times, let alone with a language/culture barrier. I'm pretty lonely here. Many of my co-workers are farangs themselves, but I feel no bond with them since they're mostly middle-aged men married to Thai women. It's not hard for them. Their wives
navigate the whole system for them. They have a support network. They have spousal visas. They learn Thai perforce from their wives and kids. They're lifers (Scott rather uncharitably calls them "dead enders"). I'm not.
I don't like it here all that much.
Bangkok is overcrowded and dirty. There are no trash cans, so refuse gets dropped everywhere, and the food stall vendors dump their waste on the sidewalks at the end of the night. Then, when it rains, it all gets washed into the gutter and smells unbelievably foul. This is a cycle that repeats itself every three days or so.
The traffic is unbelievably bad. Cars are a status symbol here. People live in shitholes like mine so they can afford to lease a car that their co-workers will see them driving. When it rains, everyone takes their cars to stay dry, and traffic is terrible. When it's hot, everyone takes their cars so they can sit in AC comfort, and traffic is terrible. When it's cold, everyone takes their cars to take advantage of the heaters, and traffic is terrible. TRAFFIC IS ALMOST ALWAYS TERRIBLE. It's impossible to guess how long it will take to get anywhere if you're taking a bus or taxi. I leave for one of my jobs about two hours early. Sometimes I get there 90 minutes early, and sometimes I get there with barely five minutes to spare.
It's hard to get anything done. Thai bureaucracy is a nightmare and I don't understand their medical/pharmacy system. And why is it so hard to find tampons?
I hate my apartment and can't afford anything better because you need something like 4 months rent saved up for a deposit on a nice place. There seems to be no intermediate between "low-income one room dump with no kitchen" and "fancy furnished adult condo with a gym and pool and security system". Where are the one-bedroom apartments? That's all I want - a separate room so I can watch TV (or turn on the damn lights, hell) without waking Scott up while he naps.
I miss anonymity.
I miss my friends and family.
It's so hot (milk was a bad choice).
I get the feeling, from reading other blogs of foreign teachers here and elsewhere in Asia, that I'm supposed to be enjoying the cultural differences and new foods and experiences and embracing all of this. That if I fail to mesh with Thai society it's because there is
something wrong with me, and I'm not trying hard enough and positivity and all that blah blah blah. I kind of feel like I'm a failure for not doing any of that and spending a whole blog post essentially stamping my foot and throwing a tantrum about how they don't do things
right here, damn it, and why isn't this easy like living Canada, and why is it so hard to find good brie and merlot?
On the other hand: man, I miss red wine and cheese and I don't care who knows it.
If you made it all the way through this and don't hate me yet, give yourself a gold star, because you're apparently more tolerant and open-minded than I am.
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krj
non-member comment
Hi
I've been wondering how you would like living in Bangkok... I had fun there but the traffic is awful and it smells bad. I was kind of picturing you two in a pretty town somewhere with lots of hammocks to lounge in with a good book during your off time, not something you find in Bangkok, although I suppose teaching jobs aren't plentiful in towns like that. It's nice to hear an honest opinion instead of the usual "My life is so much better over here, suckers!"