School

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The English teaching industry in Thailand is just like the restaurant industry, you guys.

No, really. Think about it.

Massive turnover! I've gotten every job I've interviewd for in this country, just because I showed up at a time that the school needed teachers. And why did the school need teachers? Because someone just walked out with no warning, or was fired for, say, showing up to work drunk. Just this morning a teacher at my school quit by pulling a no-show. Sound familiar to anyone who has ever worked in a restaurant, hmm?

Trial by fire! I've never been formally trained for a restaurant job, or for a teaching job. Both of them just throw you in with minimal instruction. If you fumble it a bit at first, whatever. They're just glad you showed up on time. You're just a warm body to fit into the machine, anyway.

Related to the above: low expectations! In Thailand: are you some combination of young, white, and in possession of a bachelor's degree? You're hired! The restaurant industry is a bit less selective. Their only criterion: will you show up for your shifts? They have low expectations of your performance, too. I'm a wretched teacher and I know it. I'm especially bad with young kids, but my boss says nothing because, well, I do the job and it's easier to let me teach the weekend classes than it is to interview and hire someone else. I was a wretched cook, too, but my bosses always let it go because I was reliable. I showed up on time, never called in sick, and cleaned the kitchen to their satisfaction. If you cut open a steak and ask me its level of done-ness, could I tell you? Hell no. But I could passably cook a med-rare because I learned by rote how long it should take. I didn't make waves in the restaurant, and I don't make them here, either. It means a lot in both industries.

The two industries are pretty dumb, and a means to an end, for the most part. In Thailand, most of us are financing long 'vacations' away from home, where the beer is cheap and we can travel or go clubbing on the weekends (I actually do neither of those things), and most of the men are attracted by the possibility of finding a hotter, younger lady friend than they could at home. Restaurant workers are either working their way through school, or financing their video game/alcohol/drug/music habits, which is an extended vacation in its own way. Plus, if you're over the age of majority, there is also the possibility of hooking up with young girls (by which I mean hostesses) who will admire your ability to buy alcohol.

The perks are slightly different. In Thailand: relatively high pay compared to locals means you can live a fairly opulent lifestyle, and the job itself is respected. You get to wear nice clothes to work, spend a lot of time sitting in a comfy office, and students will wai at you. In the restaurant: you will often get free food or booze, especially if you work hard, and people who don't know anything about the industry except what they read in Kitchen Confidential think it's cool.

Unfortunately, there is no bar at the school to slip you covert Jagerbombs when you've done a good job teaching.

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