No Knives, No Guns, No Durian

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Rob Writes

Day 4

Hang on to your tits people.

I don't remember Tina actually wanting to buy the Aliens watch because it wasn't quite the right one. I didn't stop her from buying anything. She can buy what she liked. She's a lair.

OK, it's Wednesday now. I had to lookup my pictures to remind me what we did, because it's already becoming a blur, or my brain has turned to mush. I suspect the latter.

So, Wednesday we had planned to go to the Maeklong Railway Market, a market basically situated on a railway line, the highlight being, the market stall owners have to dismantle their shops every time a train comes past. I don't know why, but that's the way it is, and that's the pull.

There are three or four trains passing through during the day. We had planned to be there for 10:30ish but we fucked it a bit. We took way too long to get our arses into gear in the morning and ended up getting a 'Grab' (Uber/metered) taxi the 50 miles it was to get there. That's a long way in a taxi and cost us 700 bhat, which is about £16. I'm good for it. Plus, we were already late and we couldn't be arsed getting the metro to the minibus terminal for it to then take twice as long as the taxi, if that.

Half way into the taxi journey the taxi driver suggested waiting around and taking us back for another another 1,200 bhat. We were unsure about this, we had stuff we wanted to be back for early evening, so we kind of agreed to this for the time being as the taxi was far quicker than the bus so far. Then the taxi driver stopped at the petrol station, claimed he had no money and had me for another 200 bhat for fuel. Hmmm, here we go. That's 200 bhat off what I'm paying I guess.

We eventually arrived at about 12pm and headed to the market. The taxi driver was following us about which was a bit awks, we thought he would just wait with the car, but whatever. Anyway, when we arrived at the market station we could see the next train was due to arrive at 14:30. We pointed to the time on the board, suggesting to the taxi driver that we wanted to stay to see the train go through the market, to which he disagreed, unless we gave him another 300 baht, he wasn't prepared to wait that long. At this point we just told him to do-one in Thai and off his merry way he went.

We had a bit of time to spare before the next train so we walked around to the bus terminal and booked a minibus back to Bangkok for a 15:30 pick-up, which cost is 100 bhat each.

We then went exploring for an hour or so, walking down the roads, seeing what we could see, before stopping at a hip coffee place for some A/C and I guess we had to buy a coffee and some cake.

We walked back to the market as it was approaching train-time and on the way we came across a pet shop. The less said about that the better.

Arriving at the market with a few minutes to spare we got ourselves in prime positions to watch the train come past. The signal man came on the tannoy alerting everyone to the incoming train and the shop keepers got to work dismantling their awnings in good time. Then we waited.

Sure enough, a few moments later the train was approaching. I was recording it, but as the train was getting closer I started to panic as there wasn't a lot of space for us to get out of the way in the position we had chosen. The recording goes a bit whack as I'm watching my life flash before my eyes, but then as the train starts to pass I realise there is at least 15cm of space between my face and the side of the moving train, phew.

That was fun. Glad it's over. Nobody died. Off to the bus terminal we go.

We arrived back in Bangkok a few hours later and it was dinner time. Yes, my favourite part of the day.

Fortunately the bus dropped us off near the Mo Chit BTS station, which was on the same line as where we wanted to be, Ekkamai. A quick journey on the BTS it was to be. We arrived at Ekkamai and then took a short walk before arriving at dinner place number 1, Here Hai.

Here Hai was a seafood restaurant, Michelin Guide 2023 don't you know. That sounds pricey, and in Thailand I suppose it was, but fortunately for us, it really wasn't. Nor was it pretentious fine dining Michelin stuff, just good seafood in a pretty rough setting. All in about £50 for three dishes.

I will eat anything. I'm not sure there's a food I don't like so I'm onboard for most things. I've come to realise appreciating what I'm eating is a different matter entirely. The food was tasty, as is most of the food that goes in my mouth, I'm a gannet, I just don't think I appreciate the calibre of seafood I was consuming? I don't know. River prawns for example. We had river prawns in a holy basil stir-fry and it was nice, but I couldn't tell you what a bad river prawn tastes like. In fact, that was the first time I've had river prawn. Didn't know prawns lived in rivers. Only ever had sea prawn.

The 1337 Black Mesa Head Crab Curry was delicious too. (N0n-g4m3rz, look it up)

I'm an arsehole.

Don't try and fool me with a Morrisons own brand when I'm expecting a Captain Birds-eye though, that's for sure.

Having eaten a little too much under-appreciated water beasties we headed for dinner number 2, Phed Mark, this is Mark Weins (Who? - Rob) eatery, a short walk away. This was supposed to be a good Pad Kra Pao place (Stir-fried mince pork, holy basil, rice – basically chicken nuggets in Thailand I think) and indeed it was again, very tasty. We only ordered one though and shared it, being it a bit full from dinner 1. We then went for a look at Soi Cowboy, the original tourist shaggin' zone (street) in Thailand. It was short. Not much to see.

We then just went home.

The end.

(Present) Apparently I need to write more about the next few days, but I've got to go in the sea first so I'm probably about to lose my train of thought.

OK so where was I...

Day 5

Slept well that night and had a bit of a lie in, Was desperate for it. So much so we missed breakfast in the hotel. That wasn't a problem though as we took a short walk to a street vendor and got curried up for the the day. Fantastic.

We then went back to the hotel for a few hours to chill and Tina wrote the first blog.

When she had finished we headed out again mid-afternoon when the raging heat had subsided a little and caught the metro to get a swatch of Big Budda...

(Present) Had to go for dinner just then. Where was I again? Oh yeah, Big Budda...

So we caught the MRT (metro) to Bang Pai and then a short walk to Wat Paknam Phasi (where the Big Buddda was). We had to wait in the arriving MRT station for about fifteen minutes as the heavens opened while we were on the train. Proper sideways rain. The rain slowed, but didn't quite stop but we decided to make our way to the Buddha regardless.

Now, I wasn't happy. I was wearing my big stupid elephant pants that I was forced to buy at the Grand Palace because I didn't want to risk being refused entry again to see the Buddha, but the elephant pants are for dorks, not only that, but because they are big and baggy they soaked up all the rain. So I was a big wet dork for my entire visit. Seeing the Buddha took my mind off the situation for a while I guess.

Once we had soaked in the sights of the Big Buddha we headed to China Town. Excellent, dinner time.

An MRT journey again, this time to Wat Mangkon.

I want to say at this point that Bangkok's MRT (subway) is fantastic (and BTS). Tap the barrier with your contactless credit/debit card and you're in. Tap it again on the barrier on your way out and you're about 80p lighter. What the fuck are you doing Glasgow? Pissing around with smart cards... buying tickets. Honest to God, just fuck ofkf. Imbeciles.

Baklc to Chinatown. Excellent. We had all sorts. Started with octopus, then Chinese doughnuts (Michelin starred), then some fried pork belly (a personal favourite) and then onto some Chinese roll noodle soup thingy with more pork belly. Yummers. Feeling pretty stuffed grabbed a couple of mango sticky rice boxes and headed back to the hotel to have those later.

It wasn't raining too bad while in Chinatown but it was wet, and dark at this point. The place was beautiful in a weird neon-futuristic kind of way, the lights and signs all shining in the wet roads/footpaths. Caught my eye, just not something I see outside of films and computer games. It was fantastic.

As I say, got back to the hotel, munched some mango sticky rice and then went to sleep.

The final day of what feels like this never ending blog had us doing something which again, I don't quite remember so I'll need to consult my phone for pictures...

Day 6

Ah yes. We did some laundry, ooooh, exciting. Although while we waited for the laundry we got some massages, which were nice.

We then went back to the room, dropped our freshly washed underpants off before hitting the metro and back into the toon. This time, destination Terminal 21.

Terminal 21 is a huge shopping centre really, but it has loads of grub, which is why we were there. It has a particular floor dedicated to grub, where you load up a card with money before you're let loose to go mental ordering all the food from the different food counters, which you pay for using the aforementioned card.

Being the greedy bastards that we are we put 1000 baht on the card (£20 roughly). That doesn't sound like a lot, but four courses later, stuffed to the brim, we had spent a fiver. Love it. Eyes bigger than our bellies. So we got the remaining £15 back off the card and went on our merry way back the hotel.

The end.

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Comments

[Louise]

I’m good for it ☺️
I am afraid that you have consumed a FACE HUGGER … Mesa Head Crab Curry 😱