Day 7: Out of the Frying Pan into the Fire

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I like to travel without a plan. You never know when you will want to extend your stay or change countries. Plans have a nasty habit of going wrong whether illness or traffic or civil unrest. I cannot imagine being forced out of paradise by a plane ticket bought too far in advance.


I thought I was wise in the school no-plan travel until I joined Pearl. She puts my no plan style to shame. Pearl is the master of no-plan. She is the grizzled veteran of free floating travel standing next to an OCD planning obsessed monster that is me. Not only did she come travelling devoid of ID (some might say a necessity for air travel) but she also came without money. Since leaving Davao we have been hopping from place to place with Pearl calling her sister, mom, or landlord trying to get credit cards or cash money sent to her in whatever place we end up. We missed one flight because she didnt have her card and came within 5 seats of missing another.


Late Sunday night, we learned from Tom (the expat with hot wife, 50 years his younger) that flights from Siargao left Mondays and Fridays and not Wednesday as all the posters strung up around town espoused. We decided that in the morning we would get to the airport fly to Palawan, where Eric (Holmes to the uninitiated) and his family were hanging out. Palawan is supposedly the on the fancy side of PI tourism, the unspoiled gem of the Philippines, and expensive. I really didn't want to see it alone, quintupling my expenses (rooms, tours etc don't usually book per head).
We made it to the airport (after a very long wait for a tricycle) with one hour to spare. Luckily they sold us tickets, breaking the airlines 2 hour rule. We made the flight to Cebu.


This is where our anti-strategy bit us in the ass. No flights til tomorrow, no big deal... we went to a cheap hotel near the airport to put down our bags before booking our next flight. Tuesday sold out. OK. We would have to wait til Thursday, this way I could see Cebu City, the second largest city in the PI, the metropolis of the south. They still had an open flight Thursday but P6000($130)! I would have to consult Pearl who didn't (aforementioned) have money. I woke her up but when we got back to the office Thursday was sold out... shit. Thankfully they did have a flight through Manilla for cheaper but it would take us 10 hours instead of 1. What can you do? Its only one day to kill in Cebu right? We were both 100% certain it was already Tuesday...


We managed to navigate our way into the Super Mall in town by jeepney. Jeepneys are cut-up jeeps or vans with rows of seats in back. They have regular routes (more or less) but no established stops so you have to rely on the driver or conductor to stop for you. Because the seats are designed for a population whose average height is 5'3" and they pack these things tight, I have no way of knowing where i am without suffering a neck injury. Pearl seems to know her shit and we made it to the mall and saw the Terrible Prince of Persia for $4, at least the price was right.

The next day we did all the touristy things in Lonely Planet (that took us 2 hours). A "museum" that was no more than an old house, grand as a house but not much of a museum. YEEEEE!! A fort with plaque boasting the 'smallest triangular fort in the Philippines'. YIPPEEE!! Some church with a baby jesus. OOOOO!... And thats it... ummm... What now? We have 36 hours (we thought) to kill. The most logical choice was heading to each mall in the city. And we did this. 4 malls in a row.


For those who don't know me, I HATE MALLS. Being in the mall is an acute form of torture. Like wading through boiling pools of sulfur while throngs of the damned grope at my feet trying to drag me into eternal hellfire. Once inside i can think of nothing but escape... but salvation lies outside the maze designed to keep you in. Panic, stress, hell.


Ironically, the malls of Cebu, even more crowded than your average CA mall are suprisingly peaceful. An island at the eye of the storm that is The Street. The streets where sidewalks are broken or nonexistant. Hot, filthy, dusty and smoggy. Swarms of people on the sidewalks, in the street. Cars and jeepneys race past each other where lane lines (if existant) are a suggestion more than a rule. It was The hottest day on record, 37 degrees (99F) and 80-90% humidity and the mall was the only escape. We went to watch Shrek 4 but after 30 min the electricity went off. 2 hour brownout they said and gave us vouchers to finish the movie at 5pm. We decided to walk to an ATM and get lunch. The noises and stink of The Street were amplified by diesel generators spewing even more heat and exhaust onto our sweaty burnt ankles. We got to a sector with power and were promptly handed a jaywalking ticket. Apparently there is one intersection in the entire Philippines where jaywalking is a crime. FOUND IT. Only cost us P50 so not a big deal... but 20 feet from the policeman, Pearl jumped across the street during a red light. The cop had his back turned but I almost shit myself. We got back to the mall where A/C was off and we waited until 545 (in 115F) for the power to resume. When the time came they wouldnt even put Shrek back on. A compromise. From another theater where buzzing mosquitos battled with chirping geckos in the dark, we watched the second half of a chinese film. Little Man Soldier w/ Jackie Chan and much was lost in translation. For P90($2) i guess you get what you pay for.

We went to an internet cafe and learned that it wasn't even wednesday (a fact we had been talking about all day long, "only one day of this shit, no big deal")... oh god...
So we are back in the Super Mall, trying to kill 10 more hours. oh god... Cebu City.

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