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Entering Laos
As a teenager, one of my favorite movies was Kevin Smith's 'Mallrats'. The film chronicles the misadventures of two best friends in middle America, Mallrats Brodie and T.S. (the always excellent Jason Lee and... Jeremy London), as they attempt to win back their respective girlfriends (Claire Forlani and fit-fit-fit Shannen Doherty) whilst hanging out in their local Mall. Towards the middle of the film, Brodie is cornered by his nemesis, the proprietor of Fashionable Male Shannon Hamilton (Ben Affleck before he won and lost a career), who informs him of his nefarious plans for his ex-girlfriend:
Shannon Hamilton: You see, Bruce, I like to pick up girls on the rebound from a disappointing relationship. They're much more in need of solace and they're fairly open to suggestion. And, I use that to screw them some place very uncomfortable.
Brodie: What, like the back of a Volkswagen? I always thought that this was a fairly amusing line, but now I realise it would be infinitely better if the scriptwriters had any concept of the true meaning of discomfort.
I do. So do Jamie Millar, Chris Mackay and Jonny Sanders.
For we all had the
displeasure of traveling from Hanoi, Vietnam, to Vientiane, Laos: a twenty four hour journey on a bus with no seats but only stacks of empty Beer Lao crates, which formed a crude platform with a surface area of around 10 by 6 feet, upon which the four of us, another western girl and four Laotians were forced to lie, with no more than thin plastic mats to soften the experience. A mere two hours in, at a brief bathroom stop, I professed to the others my strong opinion that completing the journey would be medically unwise, on account of the likelihood of severe back injury - assuming the creaking windows didn't fall out and take us with them first. Sacking it off was not an option, however, and so we all battled on through the searing, searing pain and were rewarded when a few of the locals alighted early, leaving us with (just) enough space for a couple of cheeky games of El Prez.
El Prez is officially
the best card game, ever.
And so our spirits were mercifully unbroken when we arrived in the capital of Laos, Vientiane.
Vientiane
We hopped a Tuk-Tuk from the
Bowling
Smokey, this is not Nam, this is bowling. There are rules.long distance bus station and rode into town as a torrential rainstorm kicked in, soaking the bags that were on the roof of our transport (so all except mine, then), and leaving the other three boys understandably pissed off. Arriving in the city centre further dampened enthusiam. Vientiane is bizzare: a capital city with exclusivly low-rise buildings, dirt tracks in place of roads and seemingly more (admittedly bemused) travellers walking the streets than locals, it was a big change from the hustle-bustle of Hanoi. We managed a whistle stop tour of Vientiane's tourist sights (all three of them: a large golden monument, a concrete near-replica of the Arc du Triumph and a charming Wat) in a few hours of our second day and the rest of our time was spent faffing around, with the following highlights:
Goldeneye was on television. And the music matched the video game.
Ten pin at the national bowling alley with Lucia and Nicole, two particularly well-spoken English girls we had met variously throughout Vietnam.
Eating cookies and muffins at various Bakeries. The one stand-out benefit of French colonialism.
Mackay falling over in the mud. No picture, sorry.
Vang Viene.
Koh Phanga...? Vang Viene, Baby
Vang Viene is like Koh Phangan with no beach and rubbish nightlife.
On the banks of a beautiful meandering river and in the shade of imposing mountains, it was originally a fishing village (probably) but is now just another purpose-built traveller town consisting of two main drags which are almost exclusively populated by net-cafes, bar/restaurants and guesthouses. Travellers comes to Vang Viene to hang out watching Friends re-runs, eat pizzas with drugs on them and tube. As the first two options are clearly criminal, we stuck to tubing.
Tubing (noun) The collective term given to a day spent floating down Vang Viene's river on the inner-tube of a tractor tire, stopping at various make-shift bars along the way to drink cold Beer Laos and play on gaint trapeze rope swings and ziplines that extend over the water.
(usage) We went tubing and it was ace.
So yes, went tubing twice and it was a lot of fun. We also took various silly videos of us swinging out and into the water, quiping various hillarious catch phrases as we went. These would all be uploaded onto Youtube for your perusal, if the
Thai government hadn't banned that site. Which is has. Oh well, good things come.
Other high and low lights of Vang Viene
Various nights out which were stunted by the government-imposed 11pm curfew.
Being asked to leave a bar by a man with an AK (curfew).
Chris almost landing on a fellow tuber after one particularly almighty swing on a rope (video to come and it is hillarious).
An excellent currey or two at the local.
Jonny bought a video Ipod with the Indiana Jones trilogy pre-loaded. Sign me up.
Trying LauLau and Super Tiger Whiskey. Potent.
Luang Prubang
Something of a cultural retreat, Luang Prabang is a charming town in the hills of Laos, home to a great many temples and an excellent night market. It's the sort of place your parents would probably love and great for a few days of relaxation. Unfortunately, we only had time for one full day as we had a pressing appointment with the Gibbon Experience on the border of Laos and Thailand looming and so we didn't get to see as much as we might have liked. Nevertheless, on with
the highlights!
An excellent nightime food market. Various delights were sampled including sticky rice kebabs, coconut-porridge cake, top sausage and buffalo brain. Chris and Jonny got food poisoning free with their chicken-on-a-stick.
Renting bikes, intending to spend a day exploring the temples but ending up hiding inside various coffee shops to avoid the torrential rain instead.
Le Cinema - a backstreet gem: this place rents out rooms with full home entertainment systems, in which you can watch a DVD chosen from their huge selction for a small fee. We watched Peep Show Series 2. All of it. Henmania!
Buying Tshirts and jewelry at the night market.
The Gibbon Experience
Long, long ago (January), in a country far, far away (Borneo), we spent a week or so with a nice young boy named Jonny, who recommended that whatever we did in Laos, we must not miss out on the Gibbon Experience (http://www.gibbonx.org/). The Gibbon Experience takes place in Deepest Darkest Bokeo, a northern Laos province consisting of entirely virgin rainforest. Ostensibly, the Gibbon Experience is all about the convervation. The (almost extortionate) cost of a two-day three-night package includes a hefty
donation to the cause, whatever it is exactly, and many people go with the hope of seeing small, cute, black monkeys. However, we knew the Gibbon Experience is really about living in houses perched at the top of improbably high trees, and riding epic ziplines (up to 400 metres long and regularly 200 metres high) accross jungle valleys.
As we were a little late getting to Luang Prubang, we had to take the speedboat to Huay Xiay, the border town between Laos and Thailand where the headquarters of the Gibbon Experience resides, and where we were to be picked up before heading into the jungle.
The speedboat was no more that a small wodden skiff with a large engine perched on one end, roughly divided up into small box-like sections into which we were crushed. This was the most horrible journey of my life. Six hours, so what? What is that the compartments we were only just large/small enough for a grown man to sit in with his knees brough up to his chest. Within ten minutes I could not feel my legs because no blood was reaching them at all. We all wore crash helmets and life jackets and our guidebook suggested fatalities were not unknown (sorry Mum, but we really needed to get the the Gibbon exp. on time). In conclusion it was totally horrendous - like being burried alive but wetter and less fun.
Okay, so with that out of the way, on to the Gibbon Experience! We were picked up from the border town and driven three hours into the jungle by 4x4, alighting at a pretty farming village to begin a two hour trek up to the on-site HQ of the Gibbon Experience. Upon arriving at this HQ we were greeted by our guides-to-be and a small Asiatic Black Bear which we named Dog. He was very cute but a bit of a biter so he had to take a beating. It's for his own good. Then we were given our Zipline harnesses. The harness consists of one large strap around your waist, and two smaller ones, feeding out around your legs/groin area. It's a little like a parachute harness and more like a parasailing harness, for those in the know. Attatched to the main strap, just above ones pelvis, are two ropes. One ends in a simple carabina - this is
the saftey (haha) rope and should always be attahced to a zipline before you are. The second line ends in a runner - which is attached directly to the line and lets you zip (see picture).
And then it began. We had to take 4 ziplines and trek for the best part of forty minutes to go from Treehouse 1, where we stopped breifly for lunch and to chat to the other ten people out in the jungle with us, to Treehouse 3, where we were due to be staying. After arriving and settling in we spent the rest of the day zipping. Funnily enough, this is also how we spent then next day. And the next. In between zips there were meals, brief periods of conversation with other people and one long and arduous morning trek along the valley's river, which involved a lot of leeches and dehydration. Big kids that we are we took a lot of truly incredible videos but Thailand has outlawed Youtube, as I mentioned before, so we can't post them as of yet. I think when we get home and can enjoy internet with a reasonable upload speed, we will do a 'leftovers'
blog, consisting of lots of very cool photos and videos. untill then, if you are interested, get on to Youtube, type in 'Gibbon Experience' and check out some other peoples videos of the ziplines.
Highlights, then:
Finding that we were sharing our treehouse with
dozens of very large spiders. Huntsmen and Tarantulas of some variety. Big as my fist. What, I'm a touch arachnaphobic? Error.
Going to the toilet (whilst trying to avoid the huge wasps floating around your delicates) a few hundred feet up. It sounds like a bomb when it finally hits the forest floor.
El Prez in the treetops.
Sunrise, with the mist covering the valley. Awe inspiring.
When there was a huge storm and we though we might have to evacuate the treehouse, wearing our natty coloured macs.
And that's it folks. Next time you have to put up Jamie writing the blog and it will be all about Thailand, again... with all that structure and vocabulary and stuff.
ps. Lots of photos below. Might have to scroll to the second page to see them all.
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Jonny
non-member comment
My Bear was much bigger!
Yep, looking at your photos I can, without fear of telling a untruth, say that my bear was a lot bigger. Yours was infinity cuter though. Good zipping though eh?