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Published: January 30th 2008
Ben
A photo of Ben taken when we all had lunch after kayaking.On Monday, January 21st, it was discovered that Ben was missing when he didn't show up to the mandatory Wakayama JET mid-year conference. His neighbors and friends confirmed that the last time they saw him was at a party earlier that weekend on Saturday night and since then hadn't either seen or had any contact with him. He didn't have a cell phone, and many people tried to email and facebook him and even went to his house. He wasn't at the conference, and after a few phone calls it was confirmed that he wasn't at any of his schools either.
We were all very worried. Temperatures now at night are from 0 to -2 degrees C at night (below freezing basically) and lately there has been intermittant snow and freezing rain. In addition no one had
At a ryokan or a temple stay
This was a picture from Ben's facebook. His parents chose to use this photo to be placed in front of the casket since it was a closed casket service. It was probably from when his parent's visited Ben for two weeks over Christmas and New Year, just 3 short weeks before he died. dropped Ben off at home. A search was set forth immediately, with local police and firefighters aided by helicopters and search dogs. Unfortunately the sun sets around 4:30pm so the search didn't commence in earnest until Tuesday morning. The conference continued, but the mood ranged between forced cheerfulness, worry and concern.
At the conclusion of the conference on Tuesday evening, there was no further news except that Ben's parents in Bristol, England had been notified and that the search was still be carried out by professional teams. The mood departing the conference was somber, everyone hoping to next meet under happier conditions.
Rumors Unfortunately in Japan, like in many cultures, gossip is a vicious and unstoppable force. Many of our Japanese teachers that we co-teach with had attended the conference and understood fragments of the announcements made about Ben's disappearance. These fragments were fueled by the local newspapers that stated that Ben was completely inebriated and had stated that he was going to go for a swim outside, perhaps in a nearby dam or river in the early hours of Sunday morning. Many of us returned to schools to be questioned by our fellow teachers, which for many
Poker night at Vishal's
Ben loved to play poker and he even hosted a poker/British curry party once. This is from another poker party held by our friend Vishal on November 30th. This was the last time I saw Ben. He's sitting on the very right of the picture. was upsetting and unpleasant. I myself was even emailed by someone that we as JETs should be careful not to drink to much. The paper seemed to leave the impression that everyone at the party was drunk and that Ben somehow slipped away for a drunken nighttime swim.
Found On Wednesday, the search was concluded. They had found Ben's body on the mountainside near the party. Through email and phone calls all of the JETs were notified by Thursday afternoon of the horrible discovery. Details were with held until everything was confirmed and until Ben's parents arrived. It appears that Ben had fallen and fractured his scull. Subsequent brain hemorrhage was what claimed Ben's life. As shocking and saddening as the new was to all of us, the Pathologist's report held a couple of comforting confirmations. They confirmed that contrary to the newspaper report, Ben did not have excess blood alcohol and was not drunk. Also, upon falling he was unconscious and died soon after so that he felt no pain. For this I am so grateful. While he was missing, I kept picturing him freezing and lost in the woods with nothing warm and no food. It brought
Kayaking
This is a group shot of everyone when we went down south to see Nachi Waterfall. This is everybody before we headed out to go kayaking. Ben is to the right of me (right of Zach). His parents said that this kayaking trip was one of his most memorable times in Japan. tears to my eyes when I would imagine him frozen and suffering and alone- I thought about him everyday that he was missing and also of his family, who must have felt so helpless. I remember it being so hard to believe- even now, after the funeral, it is still hard to believe that Ben is gone.
The aftermath Ben's memorial service was held this past Sunday in Arida. Ben's parents, Japanese colleagues and many Wakayama JETs attended to remember Ben and to say good-bye one last time. It was so painful, yet inspiring to hear Ben's parents talk about and remember their only child. They were so strong, standing up in front of Ben's picture and casket, holding each other's hands tightly, as they shared with us their memories and emotions. It was a semi-traditional Buddhist style funeral and people were able to share stories of Ben, and offer incense and flowers. Many tears were shed, but through the tears there was smiles and laughter remembering fun times that we had with Ben.
His parents hosted a lunch afterwards, where we all had a chance to take comfort in each others company and share stories and fond
Nachi
This is the walk up to Nachi Waterfall...a stone path in the middle of an old forest. Ben's in the second row on the left. memories of Ben. We also had the pleasure of meeting and talking to his parents. In doing so I learned even more about Ben than I had known before and the room was filled with laughter and smiles at all the happy memories.
Unfortunately things on the home front are not so happy. The rumors still persist in our schools and throughout the prefecture. Not only have we had to deal with the sadness and grief at the loss of a friend, but we also have to deal with the mis-education of the public and the slanderous report of the newspapers. The rumor remains that Ben was drunk and went for a swim, which is not only untrue, but upsetting and angering. Sometimes it feels like the Japanese public is determined to keep their image of foreigners as drunken, careless people. Not only does it show Ben in a bad light, but it depicts JETs as a bunch of the worst kind of foreigners who drink and don't look after their friends. I don't blame the people who bring it up to me, but am saddened at the ignorance of it. It is really the fault of the paper
A toast to Ben
At the lunch reception after the memorial service. and it's hasty and careless publishing that has perpetuated all the rumors and false information. I just want to remember my friend as the good person and the fun and funny person that he was with a deep affection for his students, but it's hard to get through the day when you keep having to correct people. It's emotionally and mentally exhausting explaining how my friend and fellow JET died from a horrible fall and that he bled to death. It's angering when people tell me that I and the other ALTs should be careful and not drink to much, implying that we as a group of outsiders are reckless and careless. It's just sad that we will never see Ben again.
But hopefully this can be changed. All the people who have asked me about it have a gotten a clear and straightforward answer. Hopefully with the help of other JETs for translating, I will be able to distribute a letter to all of my teachers to contradict all the crap in the newspapers. Since I've heard that neither to prefectural administration nor the boards of education plan to publish anything further on Ben's death, it's up to
pictures of Ben
Pictures of Ben teaching. This is Ben at elementary school. One of his JTEs was thoughtful enough to make this for the service to show everyone. all the JETs to get the message out individually. I guess part of our job as JETs is internationalization...trying to change people's image and expectations of what a foreigner is.
Happy Memories Some things that I remember about Ben...his strong British accent. But in addition to speaking English, he also spoke Swedish (his mom is Swedish and his dad is British) and Spanish and was learning Japanese. I remember the surprise and affection in his voice when he talked about his school's Judo team. He practiced with them and he was surprised that for how young they were and how much smaller they were than him, they were actually pretty strong. He was always enjoying himself at parties, drinking and dancing and telling stories and jokes with people. He was just an easygoing person and very easy to be around. He was always good-natured, even when someone threw up in his shoes.
I remember how whenever we met up at JET gatherings, I would always say "Big Ben, what time is it?" in a fake British accent, to which he would always reply either "Beer o'clock" or "Beer-thirty"...I think he only once gave me the actual time...
at junior high school
More teaching pictures, this time from Junior High School. On one trip, to Nachi waterfall in the south of Wakayama, we went on a kayaking trip down the Kosogawa river. I remember Ben was shouting to everyone going backwards down the river. Zach and I were in a kayak and noticed that Ben's kayak was floating towards a tree with low branches, one just at head-level. We started shouting and pointing "tree tree!" and Ben just looked around and was like "um yeah, there's lots of trees" and we were like "NO- get down! duck!" and then he looked behind him and saw the branch and ducked just in time.
Later on that same trip, there are two rocks, one medium height and one taller, that you can jump off of into the river (don't worry it's really deep). I wanted to be the first to jump off to represent for the ladies, but before I even got to the top of the tall rock, Ben had scrambled to the short rock and jumped, as well as scaling the tall rock and jumping off with no hesitation....so I had to settle for second. That's how I remember Ben, as someone who just went forward with no hesitation
Letters to Ben
They had notecards so we could all write messages to Ben and his family to wish a final farewell. and no regrets. I feel like if he had a motto, it would have been 'go big or go home.'
He's always been someone that has stood out to me as just a fun and easy going person, no matter the situation. I can't imagine what it must be like for his parents, having to deal with all the business and paperwork, in addition to being a completely foreign country. They say when they return home, they will hold a service there and spread his ashes around an island that he used to go to during the summer. They also plan to start a fund at Ben's college for students who wish to travel abroad (please let me know if you would like to donate!).
I guess the last thing is just to say that he will truly be missed. In a couple weeks, Ben was supposed to join us for a trip to Hokkaido to go to the Yuki Matsuri, which I was really looking forward to. And though I still am looking forward to it, the trip will feel a little bittersweet knowing that our friend should be there with us.
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DantheMan
Dan
I'm very sorry about your friend. Your essay is a nice tribute.