monkeys. marriage. musings.

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wow. i think i just might start every blog with that: wow. it really amazes me how much can happen in one day here. and since it has been a few days since i have blogged... it feels like i have a novel to write.

michael touched on the ajanta and ellora caves. although they were an amazing spectacle, i was far more impressed by the ellora caves. i am sure a large part of this had to do with the fact that we had our own tuk-tuk driver who didn't rush us, and we were able to move at our leisure through caves that were more expansive, and much less populated.

but yes, liza, i spent a lot of time thinking about exactly what you wrote about in your comments: it is amazing how "progress" has limitied us. michael and i wondered what an equivalent momumnet might look like from the 21st century. i reallly can't think of anything. i am totally uninspired by the architecture of modern religious buildings, or buildings in general for that matter, much less the kind of dedication and detail that is put into creating them. today, buildings are built by carpenters who are performing their job... to build. people who carved these caves/temples were motivated by something else... and it was an honor... it was something they performed more out of ritual. i wonder if people in another couple of hundred years will "discover" something created by our generations and be as equally inspired by their discovery as i am by veiwing these caves. of course i don't know.. but its hard for me to imagine that they would be.

before travelling here, i read all over the place about the "religious fervor that permeates the country.." i have no idea who i am quoting, but i am sure someone said that. anyway, i wondered if i would feel that and i do. i wondered how i would feel "in" it, since i am not a "religious" person per say... even though i do consider myself to be very spiritual... and i have to say it is really amazing. at least from where i sit as an outsider. i am actually finding myself trying to define (to myself) what i mean when i say that i am spiritual. i have never felt the need to belong to a group... fearing the limitation on my freedoms to explore-caged by the rules that might go along with being a part of that group. and if there aren't "rules" there might be the unstated ones... and the judgements that accompany them. that if i belong to a group, i have to abide by all the rules of that group. there is definitely some part of me that still feels that... that fear of limitation... but there is another part of me that i am learnign about as michael and i travel through india-and that is the beauty of belonging.. the unity, the dependence, the simplicity. it has started to bloom over the course of several events/realizations-starting in aurungabad. i am still having a hard time putting my feelings and thoughts into words. suffice to say, there is a warmth and being witness to it is stirring *something* inside of me.

aurngabad is a strange place. lonely planet says there is not much to the town except as a base camp for the ajanta/ellora caves. but i found the town to be incredible. and if i had known hindi i would have liked to have spent more time there to talkt o some to the people there. i got a glimpse into a world i hadn't yet seen. there was an authenticity that was really enticing. maybe it was the general indifference to my presence (foreigner = someone who might buy something) that drew me in. people were interested in us, but because we were different. it was nice to see a kind of agrarian life (or just life in general, not everyone was a farmer) take place in spite of us. tourism is not a major industry-farming is. as we drove to the ajanta caves, (of course there were touts here being a tourist destination) it was nice to watch people just doing their daily thing. i found myself inspired by what seemed to me to be groupings-religious, job, gender... and others i can't really describe. of course a new set of questions is brought up when i learn later that a certain hat i noticed some men wearing and asked about was an indication that they were farmers: does that reflect caste? i only have an impression of the caste system as a negative thing... is this when grouping becomes detrimental? so much of what i have started to realize, to think about only leads to new questions. questions that before seemed obvious: like questions about the caste system, arranged marriages, female empowerment... and the list goes on. as i see more of india, and talk to more of the people, i start to learn more about myself and realize how much i don't know about what i thought i knew. whats maybe stranger, is that i kind of feel freer for it.

as a lighter side-bar... i am totally in love with the monkeys here. it has yet to become boring... even though there are monkeys everywhere. climbing the fort.. michael mentioned this, we encountered a monkey just kicking it. i went to get my camera and caught its attention. it started to come down off the sill and towards me. i wanted to interact with it, but i ain't no dian fossey (gorrillas in the mist - even though these aren't gorrillas) and that sucker had some teeth. as it started to approach me, i got scared, threw my hands up and sort of grunted and it stopped! who knew, i can speak monkey!!! hee hee. the monkeys have an eerie stare, like they know something.... when we drive by them on the side of the road, i can actually catch the eyes of one and we stare at each other. its creepy. since they seem so human in a way. i love them, and they are everywhere... totally co-existing. they are hilarious. or should i say that michael and i trying to maneuver around them is hilarious.

after some travel nightmare - our train being 3 hours late... being totally conned by our taxi driver, we made it to mumbai to catch our flight to delhi just in time. we caught our train the next morning. we went from delhi to a town called kalka and had to catch a toy train-basically a very small train that only does the kalka-shimla route- to shimla. i will NEVER forget this train ride. the passengers & the veiw have seared in into my memory.

there was a brother and sister 19/24 taking the train home to shimla sitting in the seats next to us. in back of us were 2 dudes from israel (actually one lives in florida but they are both, one still, originally from israel) & a family of 4 from delhi. behind them, a group of rowdy cops from delhi... more abotu them later. and a few more people we didn't talk to much. i don't even remember how it started, but i ended up having one of the best conversatins yet in india with medha... the sister sitting next to us. we started sharing customs. she is so awesome. first we started talking about schools & costs & majors. then, i don't know how it started (no doubt i asked something), but she began telling me about her life as a woman in india... and we traded stories about customs in our countries. she started telling me about marriage and i ended up asking her about arranged marriages. she told me everything from beginning to end, including the differences between love marriages and arranged marriages. it was really enlightening. she told me in the end that she would prefer to have an arranged marriage. she was extremely educated, extremely liberal, incredibly strong and outspoken, very open, amazingly kind, and definitely someone who i hope to continue to build a friendship with. in america we frown upon the oppressiveness of the idea of an arranged marriage... but i have to say... when we were done talking about each others customs... (which was interesting in and of itself-me trying to explaing the variable ways people get married in the us, since they can be so different, and i have yet to get married --- ALMOSTTTTT!!! YIPEEEEEE) i felt it was perfecly natural and not at all strange to have an arranged marriage. its is simply... different. in the same breath, we discussed a culture that has double standards for women and their paths to success, how women will be totally ostrasized if they sleep with a man without being married to him, yet men can do it no problem; how frustrating it can be to get hit on and what we might call cat-called constantly; how its not always so safe to travel alone as a woman long distances, and that its not always acceptable.... EVERYTHING she was talking about i could find a paralell with in the US... are we really that different? i told her about impact (self-defense i teach) and she asked if i might be able to show her a few things... of course i couldn't, especially on the train, but we started talking about soem of the main concepts... awareness... obvious precautions... and she ended up telling me about things she already does that are included in a 20 hour course in impact-like looking at people who make her feel uncomfortable and not looking away....pretending like it isn't happening. she demostrated an interest in self-defense that a lot of women in the US don't. i have to say... i was amazed by this woman's presence... her strength... her assertiveness... not bad for a woman from a country that is "oppressive to females."

of course having said that, i know there are problems beyond workplace progress. and i have also just read an article talking about kitchen deaths-where women are lit on fire and the stove is blamed (but then, i wish i had the stat's handy on domenstic homocide in the US)...

during the conversation about marriage, the mother of the two boys of the family from delhi asked (i think) madha what we were talking about. when madha told her, she started sharing some of her stories about marriage. there are different levels of tradition, much like in the us. her experience was one of slightly more conservative than what medha expects for her marriage, but not as conservative as it could be.

i totally loving the insight into the womens' perspective in india-i couldn't get enough. i had been realizing that i had really been interacting mostly with the men of the culture, and not so much the women. it is difficult to transcend that barrier without speaking the language or having someone native to the culture be a guide. although, i think at some point i would like to make a trip here, much like yours tanya, and visit different outreach organizations. do some volunteer work here... really dive into the culture. i am more inspired now to learn some hindi-certainly more than before we got here. i am having absolutely no regrets about the way we are doing this trip... i feel that we have been blessed with such wonderful openness, wonderful generosity... i can't believe the kindness.

medha was also was telling me about the cops on the train with us, and that they were very disrespectful men. and that they are flirting. she asked me a couple of times if i could feel it, and i guess i kind of could. but mostly it just seemed like they were touchy feely drunks. she told me that men in india should never touch me.. and that if they try to shake my hand they are just trying to "touch" me and that its not respectful. i shoudl always just put my hands together and say "namaste," which is hello/goodbye in hindi.

i forgot for a second, and one of the drunk asses went out to shake my hand and as i reached to shake his hand, i realized a moment to late what i was doing. i didn't stop, and then i looked over and caught medha's eye and she re-demonstrated the appropriate repsonse i should have had. i think i understand now and hopefully i won't forget. i don't think i will.. something switched for me.

later, in shimla, we had dinner with alex and moisha (sp??) the two israeli men. after dinner we went walking and ran into the family from delhi. michael had been doing magic on the train-a total hit... EVERYONE loved it. especially the father, and his older son. actually the mom did too... she kept motioning for michael to do it over again... but she was figuring it out so we all laughed when he said no and made the motions for "you're too smart." on the party train, suddenly we were surrounded by our luggage, the family of 4 and 3 cops from delhi, all in a space that BARELY accomodated siblings and michael and i and our luggage. people just sort of moved in, we squished all together and made room. i loved it. a perfect demonstration of the warmth... and hospitality... and lack of space. i can't ever imagine that happenning in the us... but here in india.. no problem. it was really fun/ny.

i digress... we ran into the family in shimla and i played iwth the kids for a bit while jackdesh.. the father told michael how disrespectful those men were being to him and me. the were bad men, jackdeesh said. it was really interesting. then his wife and their friend (their names i can't remember... i have a problem of not being able to remember names until i see them written down.. and i did not write them donw)... and i started talking. they asked me why i liked india, if i put oil in my hair, if america was nice, and that i should not let michael wait so long to marry me after we return to america - we should do it RIGHT away. it was difficult to explain the different customs through our language barrier.. but i understand what she was saying... she was demanding a respect for me that she thought i was not getting, and so i appreicate her wisdom... but of course, things are different in america. medha had said we should just tell poeple we are married, because the concept of engagement does not translate properly into indian culture. but we had already starte the conversation about engagemnet.. it was really fun. they are WONDERFUL people. we are hoping to be able to take them out to dinner when we get back to delhi just before we leave. i think michael turned their elder son into an apprentice magician. of course, their younger son (3ish) tried to bite my thigh while his mother was telling me for the third time what oil to buy and when to put it in my hair...

and on being american: i am glad we decided to tell people that we are from america. we have met only 2 other girls who are from colorado, otherwise, no one. some places we go, no one has ever met an american before. either no one is saying that they are americans, or there really aren't a whole lot of american travelers relative to the rest of the countries other tourists come from. other times people say.. "good country" or "rich country." one set of travelers from new zealand barely started to talk about bush and i said.. yah.. i don't really know what to say about him except he's a fool and i can't apologize enough for our stupid country rep - but i know wonderful people in the us who are working hard to make right some of the wrongs. and people know that there are good ones in our lil country... and they are still confused about him... and i tell them.. yah, so am i. and then another couple from austrailia say that people don't hate americans.. and that is just what fox news wants us (americans) to believe. they say that they watch fox (they get it in their home in australia) and laugh. i said that i don't know about that... that we been such international jerks in a lot of places that i wouldn't be suprised... but am glad to hear that maybe the world doesn't hate us. then they said something that i hadn't thought of: they said "you know, whenever someone says something negative about the US, i say this - that yah, right now things are bad, but what makes the US so amazing, their system so successful, is that the presidents & co are only in office for 4 years, or AT MOST 8. and yes, that might seeem like a long time, but americans constantly have an opportunity to make change... whereas in other countries, people are in office for aeons." i enjoyed gaining that perspective. and i felt "not-ashamed" (finally, for a split second) to be an american. and then i thought about all the great people i know and the great things they are doing to make change (tanya taking the hill, mercedes making movies, friends i know in charge of outreach programs, my sister making change in her life at such an early age, jude working with the environment, great people/friends about to be new parents, risk-takers-rex moving, relaxing, maintaing a fervor for life... and i don't have enough space to speak the accolades of all the people i know making change, improving life, caring) and it makes me happy. there is nothing like getting away from it all to see how great it all really is.

tanya told me (she had come to india as a "good-will embassador" and spent some time sharing & exchanging information with outreach organizations here) that india is a place that i should expect to have a sort of revalation.. not to sound to dramatic.. but that being here might spark self-evaluation... soemthing like this.. and well, i think she is right. there is nothing obvious about this place, it is subtle and rich and so is the experience.

more later...

lots o love everyone.. have a great holiday. i am thankful for you all and will be thinking of you over the holiday...

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

ade

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Photos

our new backyard
for the next few days... SO amazing. to get here: dig directly through the earth... straight down... for a while.

michael and santa.. uhh...
wierdo santa with creepy mask.

sizzzzlinnnnn
o.m.g. sundaaaeeee di-vine.

monkeyssss
with a baby one... i can't take it. they are so cute...

Comments

[Aunt Ina]

Happy Birthday To Us
What a wonderful email - lots of thought going on for you both on the trip~ What a wonderful experience. Jack took Zaydie, Mom, Dad and Jon Jon and I to Colemans Farm for brunch for my birthday and moms! How nice. Just to have Zaydie there along with our family. We missed our brother but Christmas is such a busy time for him. Mom and I are all busy with our christian friends/family running from one house to another to share years of celebrations together. We miss you and I wanted to wish you both a happy healthy new year and most of all safe travels home! I know we all can't wait to hear about the engagement first hand and the extensive stories about the travels. Watch out for those monkeys - I hear they are really smart and Mike they are after you - You know me I would sneak one home. I have visited many countries and thanks to you I now feel I have seen all of India. Enjoy - Love to you both Aunt Ina