From Nam to Cam with a peckerhead Yank

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The day began at stupid o clock but I was already awake so what the hell. Breakfast was taken at the hotel and was a vast array of different dishes. There were Vietnamese dishes as well as ham, cheesy triangles, fried eggs, fruit etc etc. As only breakfasts are included from hereonin I had a lot.


We were then piled onto the backs of bicycles along with our luggage which must have been a hell of a struggle for the poor cyclists. They managed but weren't happy at how little we gave them for a tip I don't think.

We then met up with other tourists, some of whom I would later form a European allegiance with and two of whom I would be quite happy to push off the boat....

One boat filled up with people who were obviously on a posher holiday than ours and had suitcases the size of Dundee. No wonder their cases arrived by bus and not by cyclist! Honestly, what are you carrying with you posh nobs? Our disbelief was peaked when we saw someone with a suit carrying bag....really!?!?

We had got there early and queued up to get the back seats on the boat so were quite happy when we got the seats we aimed for. We could see out the back, take pictures, get plenty of fresh air. We were happy. The outside bit also contained some Italians and a French couple. Remember that.

At the Vietnamese side of the border the boat stopped and we all had to get off. Some beardy guy was trying to sneak on the outside deck but he had to get off too. We waited around in passport control for a bit then got back onboard to find that the beardy guy was sat in our seats and had brought his enormous mate with him. Some of the Italians had to sit on the floor while Beardy yabbered away in the most annoying American accent I have EVER heard.

They were both drinking beer and chucked their cans on the floor when they had finished them. I wasn't happy.

Apparently Claire heard them making some comments that they didn't care that it was rude to pinch others seats.

I was even less happy.

And then, ha ha, we had to all get off again as we reached Cambodian customs where I overheard annoying, beardy, rude American git saying they would have to make a power play to get the seats again.

I wasn't happy in the slightest.

Cambodian customs officers sit on benches under a shed type construction sorting out the visas and copying information onto them. I say copying, they 'copied' my given name as British instead of Glyn.... They then brought the passports out and began handing them out to everyone. Andy and Helen soon got theirs and made a beeline for a window where more paperwork and stamping ensued before you had your visa checked again before you could get back on the boat. We were just behind Mr Vile and his enormous henchman but knew that our travelling buddies would get back on the boat and save our seats.

We were disappointed after getting the final checks that Mr Peckerhead and his numpty mate hadn't made a beeline for our seats but they still tried! By then though I had formed a European coalition that made our fellow Europeans make the seats look fuller so we could squeeze the French back in but have no room for ignorant, rude Americans.

As the nasty couple retreated into the other part of the boat I made the traditional V sign for victory but not the way round that Churchill did it. It amused the Italians and even more so when I shouted bastardos after the cowering American slime balls. If you could keep the scum IN your country America, I'm sure the rest of the world would appreciate it. Ta.

The rest of the boat ride was a lot more pleasant without loud, rude, ignorant tossers slinging their empty beer cans all over the place and we had a very pleasant trip up to Phnom Penh. We were met by a new guide and piled into a van which had even less legroom than an Easyjet flight. After a chaotic journey to our hotel due to traffic and a road being closed for a wedding (?!) we were shepherded into the hotel restaurant, so it became lunchtime.

Claire wasn't very hungry so she ordered just some chocolate ice-cream which came ages after everyone had had their hot food and despite us constantly asking where it was. When it came it was a pathetic looking dollop of brown stuff in a tiny bowl but thankfully it tasted better than it looked.

We then piled into tuk tuks and were soon weaving in and out of traffic to get to the Royal Palace. The traffic is voluminous and most junctions have no right of way, you just go when you can. But it works! You just keep going and you get through much faster than you would with the endless roundabouts and traffic lights back home.

The royal palace is pretty spectacular, very ornate and decorative and well worth a visit. The King was in but didn't seem interested in coming over and saying hello despite Helen offering to dump Andy for him as he is still a bachelor.

Time was getting short so we tuk tuked off to the National Museum and had a guided tour quickly around there before it closed at 5pm. The museum was actually quite small, had plenty of interesting statues to see but not much else surprisingly. It didn't take long to go round and the building it was housed in was more appealing than the contents therein. You can't miss it out though can you?

After a brief rest we headed out for a meal at a Cambodian restaurant. It was recommended by our guide and was quite upmarket but where do you draw the line between not getting ill and wanting to try the local food? It was quite pleasant with okay to good food but the company was excellent. The dessert menu came out and had a list of nice sounding cakes of which they had...none....but they did have ice-cream.....and that was it.

Helen fancied some cake so we found a coffee shop which sold some lovely looking cakes while I partook of a rather nice double espresso to round off the day.

Tomorrow we are off to the genocide museum which doesn't sound very uplifting to say the least but the cruelty of man must be taught to hopefully prevent such atrocities from ever happening again. Sadly, some people are beyond redemption.

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