Killing For Peace Is Like Fucking For Virginity

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''Well of course the universe is gradually slowing down and will eventually collapse inwardly on itself according to the laws of entropy when all its thermal and mechanic functions fail, thus rendering all human endeavour ultimately pointless'' - Bill Bailey

So now this post has a context I can continue... Cambodia's relatively recent history continues in the same vain as its surrounding neighbours, in a nutshell, arguing amongst themselves before and during the French arrived and conquered then eventually the USA sent in Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone to get the job done but failed. This story however is a little more sinister...

In 1953 King Norodom Sihanouk demanded the French leave and during the following decade declared Cambodia neutral to international quarrels, but his friendly relationship with communist China sparked anger with the US which at the time were fighting the communist North Vietnamese in the Vietnam and Secret War. Therefore trouble brewed with the uprising of a US supporter; General Lon Nol, who in 1970 overthrew King Norodom Sihanouk with his party the Khmer Republic and opened the door for the USA to bombard the Cambodian countryside to flush out the Viet Cong. So this obviously didn't go down to well with the northern territory dwellers and a peasant army grew, called upon by the King himself to rise and fight against Lon Nol - This army and ideal eventually got named the Khmer Rouge and the eventual man at the helm was a man called Pol Pot (translated: Political Potential). The Khmer Rouge takeover occured in 1975 just after the Americans had pulled out of this corner of the globe, fronting Pol Pot's idealogy of turning the country into an agrarian utopia through an ultra-Maoist regime. He reset the calender to year zero and renamed the country with viscious irony the Democratic Kampuchea. The 'old people' , the poor, uneducated and easily molded were conscripted and also volunteered to join. The 'new people' of the cities, decidedly Phnom Penh, the educated and relatively wealthy were propagated as the enemy against the communist regime and subsequently were rounded up and executed; literacy, arts, music, religion and seemingly freedom of speech were abolished. The genocide that subsequently followed between 1975-79 under the guise of a functional communist regime was hidden from the world from what I can understand but again, I have only scratched at the surface having researched a little while being here to witness the aftermath, read more.

Given the above I was anxious about crossing into this country and we did start our journey with a harrowing bus journey to Siam Reap with a series of improbable manoeurves on whichever side of the road the driver saw fit in the pitch black, but considering most people have mopeds if there was an accident he must have reckoned we'd be fine. But we did make it to the North-West corner and settled in ok having found a guesthouse that doesn't charge by the hour. Having sinked a couple of jars of 'Angkor Beer' we decided to get a Khmer massage - at this point i totally forgot i had no underwear on so I was bollock naked. I'm also cringing as I write this but the masseuse was jabbering on in Cambodian, probably something like ''this is the white-ist ass i've ever seen'' and the whole time i was thinking ''shit, don't get an erection, don't get an erection'' - Sian found it hilarious.

It gets better... the next evening we have a relaxing meal and decide to head to a shisha bar for a drink before bed. All the signs were there; this place was called "The Giddy Gecko'' - the flavours of tobacco available to smoke were 'apple' or 'double apple', having enquired into the exact meaning of 'double apple' the reply was ''twice as sweeeeet''. Yup, I had it coming, there we all were naively chonging away on what i thought was a tasty, no strings attached smoke and due to my utter uncautiousness I ended up stoned as fuck. Inevitably I have lost the latter memories of that night, although i do distinctly remember being playfully knee'd in the groin area by a kid beggar with one leg on crutches!

Ok, so culture time and we visited what some consider to be the 8th Wonder of the World - Angkor Wat, along with Angkor Thom - an heroic architectural feat and the epicentre of their ancient civilisation. I lost my friend Sam while I was busy snapping photos only to later find out he had almost shit himself in the temple and had to get an emergency tuk tuk 1km to the nearest toilet to avoid possibly the biggest faux pas in history. On a lighter note we also visited Ta Prohm a temple in the surrounding forest area where the cinematic adventures of Lara Croft: Tomb Raider was filmed.

A bus journey South-East took us to Phnom Penh the capital of Cambodia literally emptied of occupants by the tyrannical Khmer Rouge. Had an emotionally charged day visiting firstly the compound: S-21 Tuol Sleng which was essentially a concentration camp/prison used to torture the victims before being shipped to Choeung Ek the Killing Fields where we witnessed the mass graves - again look into this for yourself; sheer craziness.

There is a shooting range here, one of urban legend like a secret beach on a secret island but this exists alright. Firstly there is a choice of weaponary from a pistol to a bazooka. Secondly you have a choice of which animal to shoot with said weapon, anything ranging from a chicken to a cow. This means with the right amount of money it is possible to blow up a cow with a bazooka! I wanted to experience shooting a real gun so I choose the AK47, the only weapon to kill more people than the atomic bomb and my god, this thing is just raw brutal power and pretty much makes you shit your pants.

Tomorrow we leave and head east into South Vietnam, more accurately Hoi Chi Minh City. Jeremy Clarkson believes visiting Vietnam is the 2nd best decision he ever made; the first being to take up smoking. I can't wait...

Until then, Hakuna Matata.

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