Our final blog?

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Yes, you may have thought we had vanished off the face of Africa, but no really we had no internet access and we were fighting the lions, tigers and bears and fires (will expand later).

So just to recap when we last wrote we were in Malawi and since then we have travelled through Zambia, Zimbabwe, Botswana and South Africa to end up at our final destination of Johannesburg.

So whats been happening…..

I think it’s worth flying through our time in Zambia which more a transit on the way to Zimbabwe than anything else. Although we did stockpile on fuel and food as the instability in Zim meant that they were both in intense demand and we were avoiding major cities.

So with our 5,000 kg of mince and 88,000 litres of alcohol we headed into Zimbabwe. The border crossing was a ‘mare - purely due to the impressive full page passport visas the sole overworked and underpaid immigration official had to complete for us all… individually of course… by hand… with one small useless piece of carbon paper.

So anyway after a few hours we made it through and headed off for two nights on the houseboats at Lake Kariba. Initially I thought this would be a hellish experience on some hick boat - but no, this was like a P&O cruise!!! The sleeping quarters below deck were fab - with no wall out to the lake (just a mere little fence) it made for a stunning wake up each morning.

The main deck where we ate, drank, partied, beer bonged, spewed, saw men wearing skimpy dresses and women dressed as prostitutes was complimented by a cold water jacuzzi and fantastic times.

Things started sedately as we all knocked back rehydration salts in preparation of a big session (don’t be fooled, they never taste of orange or blackcurrant despite the claims on the packet). However by 4pm the punch we had collectively spent US$150 on (that’s a lot in Africa!) was being consumed at an impressive rate of knots. Naturally this lead to a bit of dutch courage on the fancy dress front, as you can see from the fotos (can you tell it was a “P” party). Good times were had.

So the next day was slooooooooow. Nic made it out of bed, jumped straight into the lake from the top deck, then proceeded to blow chunks for the rest of the day. But not all was lost - this was the first and only no alcohol day Nic had of the entire trip (‘atta girl!!) As for Mr Lee… well he decided with a few others that another punch was required. So a Band of Brothers and Sisters combined any unused hard liquor and orange concentrate and got back on it. In fact this was such as hit, a third (and final) punch was required. Somehow, more booze was found (read: lethal “cane spirit”). Once mixed it was dangerous, mostly because it was radioactive green as it was mixed with litres of………… creaming soda concentrate. Yip, creaming soda. Desperate times, desperate measures. It turned out that only 4 blokes (Al, 2 kiwis and a chap from Basque country were up for the challenge. So we had 12 litres of green punch and… hello punch bongs! (who needs beer!)

Next day was Al’s no alcohol day.

So leaving Lake Kariba in our hungover dust, we headed to Bulawayo, central Zim. The reason we mention this was that we became real life firefighters and saved the mansion and hostel from becoming a smouldering ruin, all because Nic was back on the chop and needed to pee. Nic looked out the bathroom window to see flames from a bush fire in the back yard higher than a 2 storey building, a mere 15 metres away. Que and entire Overland truck pulling everything that could possibly hold water to help the owner with his low pressure garden hose. Insanely hot, smokey and scary to start with, the adrenaline and water were flowing - we all realised the power of numbers.

Next stop, Antelope Park. Straight to the highlight - lions - big, small, old, young, cute and terrifying! We walked, hugged, stoked and watched them feed (Nic facing more fears - a real life Croc hunter in the making).

Oh yeah, we also got to walk up to within 5 metres of a HUGE, wild 43yo male rhino, who, during our viewing got spooked, spun 90 degress in .01 micro-seconds to face our group and got well shitty - flaring nostrils and stamping feet. We decided it was a good time to leave, as we'd all collectively sh@t ourselves.

Then came a major highlight - Victoria Falls, one of the seven wonders of the world and the place that Al and myself (change in writers) got engaged - YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So to set the scene (following many email requests) - we had been in Vic falls for a day. Al spent it white water rafting and river boarding down the Zambezi river and I migrated myself around the pool following the sun. So the next morning we independently were up at 6am and walked the 20 minutes to see Vic Falls which is supposed to be the best time to view the falls. So anywho we were strolling through and having a fantastic time, there was no one else around and then we were back at the main falls, there was one knee a huge “Yes” and lots of kisses!!!! We then returned to camp and shared a cold can of Heinz baked beans (no “Watties” available) for breakfast before our adrenalin day (as if we hadn’t had enough for one day).

So the day was filled with gorge swings, abseiling, rap jumping and high wire diving (superman style running off a cliff with a harness attached to your back). Then to finish an already superb day we had a group dinner at “Bomas” - a game buffet restaurant (bizzaire because some of the animals we had been trying to spot in the parks for the last 2 months were now on our plates).

After a wee sleep in the next day, we had our canoe safari to look forward to. Basically, we sat, drank and ate, while our guide paddled us down the Zambezi, to within a few hundred metres of the Falls. It was super relaxing and it gave Nic time to start wedding planning (already!). A big night followed as the rest of the tour had again drunk an entire "booze cruise" dry. Later on, in what can only be decribed as a "school-boy error", Al ended up in the pool, having actually fallen for the old "look, a scorpion has fallen in the pool" trick. Needless to say, a few others decided a fully clothed swim was also a good idea - and the rest, as they say is history!

The next day it was goodbyes to those leaving at Vic Falls, while we changed trucks from Eeyore to Kifaru for our last leg to Jo'burg. SO it was laters Zimbabwe, hello Botswana (and food, drink, real money etc). Nothing much to report from Bots ufortunately, as we really only transitted through - stopping briefly for a final game cruise in the Chobe National Park. We also went to the Makgadikgadi & Nzai Salt Pans for some (more) sunset shots.

Then before we knew it we were in South Africa... at a truck stop camp. We (again) made a punch, then headed off to the bar. Here things got interesting. First, two hillbilly Afrikaners farm lads cruised up (boozed) and spent the night laughing at us, as we laughed at them. Then a Police officer showed up. It turned out he had a few and decided that these crazy tourists should examine his.... gun. Yip, he pulled out his 9mm Glock, took out the clip and started to pass it around. Al casually asked if it was completely unloaded, to which the officer shrugged, grabbed it back and then proceeded to remove the live round that he'd forgotten was sitting in the chamber. Nice. Happy to report that no one was shot, injured or ceased to breath, that evening, despite a million fotos being taken in various gun poses. Oh yeah - the cop also swapped his Police jacket for 2 t-shirts with our tour guide. TIA!

And then, before we knew it the last day of our tour was upon us. We were all so emotional (ummm... hungover), that we all slept the entire way from the camp to Jo'burg, where Al's mum and gran were there to meet us!

And just like that, our 56 day odessey was over. Athough, we had a final group meal that evening, it was a low key affair as we were all shattered. So it was chinese for dinner, then off to bed. The next morning we had more final goodbyes, then we were off to relax for 10 days at Al's mums place.

All in all, this was an amazing adventure - of a lifetime!

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Comments

[brooke]

CONGRATS
congrats guys - really happy to hear you're finally making Nic an honest lass Al!! Looking forward to celebrating with ya when you get back to london. x PS am now going to have to start planning a trip to africa - you've inspired me...

[Leanne Morton]

Hoorah!
HI there, i'm sure i sent you an email as well but just another quick message to say congrats again! yay yay.. so have you finished your adventures in Africa now? Are you heading back to UK? I see you two are still partying with the best of them, and love the dress ups! Nick and I just today arrived in Cairns, his work relocated us, flights paid for and they've put us up in a swanky 3 bedroom apartment at a resort for the year, so... if you are ever heading back this way then please make a special stopover in Cairns! Free Resort Accommodation on a golf course as well! Keep it real, stay in touch.. Love Lee lee xoxo