My masquerade

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Discouraged. That's the word of the day. Nothing has really changed on the ground: the Kenyans are still great, the weather is about the same, my health is about the same, the center is doing amazing work, the slums are still the slums. Well, I guess something has changed: the nurse, Eunice, at the school has gone missing. It could be that she has been in an accident. It could be that she just woke up and decided not to return. Neither option is very encouraging. With no Eunice, I am the most "qualified" physician at the school. Let it be known that I'm not qualified at all. I've done what I can in the clinic and handed out some meds for headaches, but I can't do much and I shouldn't try to do much. I would do more harm than good. I suppose that it has been a blessing that I'm there because I am able to clean and dress some wounds and everyday a handful of kids or construction workers come in with cut knees, hands, fingers, heads, etc... If someone wasn't there, then they would probably let them go untreated and that would be a very bad thing. So, some good is being done. The discouraging part is when kids or adults come to the clinic door and I have to turn them away. They may not be deathly ill, but I feel like such a jerk telling them that I have nothing to give and they need to go back to class. Even if they just have a cough, I can't do anything for them (we're also running out of medications and Eunice was the only one who knew what to order). The reason these thoughts weigh so heavy on my mind today is that I spent all day organizing and taking inventory in the clinic. Half of the time I had the door shut and secluded myself so nobody asked for care I couldn't give. Half the time I left the door open and coldly shunned people away. I don't know which made me feel worse. I'll end this by saying that I'm not completely discouraged. Everyone at the center is sure that God will provide a replacement soon. They still have hope, so I should too. I suppose if you work in the slums then you are not easily broken and you can't be easily broken otherwise you wouldn't last. As Isaac the social worker said the other day, "You have to have hope to give hope."

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Comments

[Grandma N.]

Praying in Colorado
We always want to hear from you -- the good and the bad. We pray that as you give of yourself in whatever way you can, that you look to God for comfort and wisdom. Know that we are lifting you and your coworkers and the people who come to you in prayer. We pray especially today that some more medical people will come to help you. Thinking about our medical needs here in Greeley and all the doctors and others that are available. Wish we could send some of them to you. Much love, Grandma

[Mike]

praying for you
"You must have hope to give hope". Great advice. I can't say that I understand, because I haven't been in your situation, but I (we) are sure praying that you find some peace in this situation and that the people are still being served, even when its not in the way you think it would be. We arrived with mom and dad this morning in Greenville. Their new digs are pretty nice and we moved them in all day today. Dad is really excited, and I miss having you here to laugh with me. Got to love them both. We miss you, but we praise God that you are the man you are and that you are in Kenya doing his work. God bless and love you

[Rodney]

reflections on your experience...
That's heartbreaking. So, hope is hard to have anywhere one goes in the world. I'm not sure about you, but I think I used to be an optimist. I guess that's what you get when you grow up Republican in Kansas. But, becoming an adult, I think so much in the world has shown itself to be disheartening that cynicism may be the only possible modern response, with a sole exception...God. The church says Faith, Hope, and Love are divine virtues not attained purely through our own practice, they are acts of grace from God, infused in us despite the realities of the world. May God give you the grace and faith this season of your life so your Hope may infuse every action you take in Kenya and for Kenyans. We love you, and are so proud of you, even while we're in Carolina and not Kansas anymore.