rjh5000

Wow! Since I last blogged I've got married and met my new nephew (yesterday!) so as such I've divided this week's blog into things I've learnt at weddings and things I've learnt in hospital. WEDDINGS Table plans aren't for Paraguayans...everybody just sat where they wanted to (even if I did forget to print off the table numbers) You can never have too many casserole dishes...we got given 3 but they're very useful Marriage is about compromise...which is why the whisky decanter is being used as a vase rather than its intended purpose Keep your speech notes in their own pocket...or you might whip out your wad of bank notes instead. Embarrassing. HOSPITAL Never, ever, knock the NHS...try spending 4 hours in Paraguay's largest state hospital with the rust, cockroaches, jobsworth security guards and to top it ... read more

Just got back from the museum of Paraguayan Football in the bowels of the national stadium. Quite interesting and also the final resting place of Arsenio Erico - but you can read more about him in my article at the end of the month. Thrown in a few photos in case they interest you! Onto things I've learnt. Old habits die hard (Part1)...almost 8 months of not throwing toilet paper in the toilet and I inexplicably dropped some in there the other day. Instinct. Old habits die hard (Part2)...for the person(s) who put up a "Stroessner" sticker on the lampost near my house. It isn't the former dictator they are supporting (he's dead), or his son (he's dead too), but the grandson of the man who killed and tortured 20,000 Paraguayans. Find it a bit odd, ... read more

I'm now back in Paraguay, where you will be glad to know I am an official resident (I'm also glad that they kept their word and gave me back my money I invested!) - but here are the things I learnt while in Brasil. Argentinians like to exagerrate...like "we drank about 34000 beers", "the guy honks his horn 4 million times a day" or "I'm stuck behind the biggest idiot in all of Brazil" Club Med is not for me...great food and the room was decent, but why would you have a communal iron in the hallway? I prefer crumpled shirts than have people watch me iron?! Rio de Janeiro traffic is terrible...I really thought I was going to miss the 2014 World Cup Final and the 2016 Olympics it was that bad. South America is ... read more

Last weekend we went on a group trip to Cerro Corá and Pedro Juan Caballero. Paraguay is a beautiful country it is just a shame not many people come to visit. Hopefully some of the photos will change your mind! Now onto things I've learnt. There is something worse than a dead rat...the three-day old dead rat on my road I can go to Brazil without a passport...just cross the road in Pedro Juan Caballero and you are in Ponte Porã! Paraguayans love a glorious defeat...the only reason why they have a bank holiday to commemorate the death of their former president which was followed by their surrender in the War of the Triple Alliance Tombstones have gone up recently...Mariscal Lopez (see above) just got a new one at 1.3 million dollars! Petrol stations have bars...which ... read more

For those of you worried about what's happening in 'Donde esta Elisa?' - Bruno was murdered but made to look like a suicide, but Agent Rivas is onto the suspect, don't panic! Currently raining so that should cheer up those of you who hate it when I write about how hot it is! This is what I've learnt this week. Paraguayan knives are sharp...my thumb is now painful proof of that. Don't go out on a rainy day until the skies are blue...I went on a five minute journey to get my lunch today during a 'break' in the rain only for it to start again and convet my road into a river. Bad times. I'm still traumatised by rats...saw a dead one the other day and can still see it's face now, it's tormenting me ... read more

A few photos from Valentines Day - in the Sheraton Hotel darling, all very posh but much cheaper than last year when I splashed out on a flight from London to Paraguay! I don't like being overtaken on the pavement by a motorbike...it riles me to be honest. The water company does exist...which shocked me because there is now no explanation as to why the pipe outside my house is still broken after over a week of phone calls. Lifting heavy objects will affect your brain...Carmen and I managed to heave her wardrobe from one bedroom to the other only to stand it up upside down. It is now the right way round. Whisky and Ceviche is a winning combination...if you haven't tried it already I advise you do. Telenovelas vary drastically in quality...I mean take ... read more

Not much going on in the news this week except they are on the look out for killer-traffic-lights after realising the traffic lights have been malfunctioning and caused one death last week. I've recovered from last week's illness, feeling at the top of my game again! Everybody really is on facebook...we just got my sister-in-law to sign up - she went to school under a tree (remember I exagerrate) and now she is on facebook! Valentine's Day is a lot cheaper here...dinner for two, free bar, live music at the best hotel in the country for 80 quid -deals! Burger King's Oreo KinMix icecream...I've learnt of it's beautiful, tasty existence. Cometh the hour cometh the Mosquito...normally just when the sun is going down and I'm trying to relax after work, or just as I lie down ... read more

Currently writing this while eating a bowl of plain rice as I try and stave off a nasty bout of diarrhea, still tyring to pinpoint the cause and I'm going for Ice Cream as the only possible cause, because it couldn't have been the pizza we ate afterwards that was yummy as always! Anyway onto things I learnt (other than the danger of trying to respond to MSN before responding to your bowels). The lunchtime news is not for watching while eating your lunch...the first 3 stories were about car crashes and a murder all picturing dead bodies. Not what I want while munching on my ravioles. Private healthcare is pretty good here...again from the news, a man survived 8 gunshots over the weekend including his neck, he is a millionaire so was in a private ... read more