Day 17: Fighting crowds & the toot toot express

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Geo: 21.0243, 105.855

Mac was at his best today. We were reeling in laughter after his lead performance in his very own puppet show and have relived his oh too obvious statement "$hit, that's a train" statement so many times. But more on that later.

Breakfast checkin in the dining room saw us all alive and well after the food tour of the night before and with scores ranging between 7 and 10 the group was definitely feeling rock solid although a little weary.

Again, Way was in the foyer right on time ready for the first item on the itinerary - our visit to the Ho Chi Minh Mausoleum.

This wasn't part of our tour yesterday because the venue is closed on a Friday. The historic Mausoleum is an imposing monument, lavishly built using marble and granite, and houses the preserved body of "Uncle Ho". All the faithful Vietnamese traipse to this square, to walk solemnly by the displayed body. Loraine had categorically stated she "wasn't keen on seeing a shrivelled up old dead body" and not listed Uncle Ho in permanent repose as one of her top 10 highlights!

Our driver Ha expertly navigated the weekend traffic and he was agilely avoiding scooter riders, buses and cars which were determined to cut across three lanes of traffic in front of him to make their turns.

We have definitely mellowed in our reaction to the duck and weave of Hanoi traffic, but nothing we had seen or experienced previously compared with arriving at the drop off zone for Uncle Ho. Population of Vietnam is estimated st 30 million and I do believe that three quarters of them were here this morning. And there is added pressure to all arrive at the same time because the venue is only open for a few hours each day. The line snaked around the complex and it took a master stroke of genius from the wiley Way to actually weave us through checkpoints and jump to the head of at least a dozen queues to get us the the front of the checkin and to the back of a slow moving line. Mind you, we were not in the line of shuffling locals who were prepared for wait for two hours to walk by Uncle Ho's preserved body. We were in the shorter line that would allow us access to "outside" of the museum.

And, again, as we have seen elsewhere, the area was packed with bus load after bus load of school children. They bus in from the provinces, some leaving as early as 5 in the morning, so they can, as Way puts it, "experience history outside of the classroom."

The history lessons from "Way of the North" came thick and fast. His stories are definitely told from the eyes of the victor. We walked on the parade ground and marvelled at the open parkland for the common people, watched the precision of the hc hanging of the guard and continued to keep our eyes on the line moving at snail's pace through the door for the "viewing."

There was a hushed excitement because there was a Viet Cong Veteran in the square who was trailed by dozens of dignitaries.

Next stop was the tour behind the Mausoleum, to see Ho Chi Minh's House where he lived and worked. It is made of wood and with simple furnishings it show Ho Chi Minh as a "common man" who lived a solitary life. The three cars he owned drew an enormous crowd and the queue to see his bedroom had us shuffling along in the rain with dozens of school children.

Have to say that the children all love to try their English on foreigners and we were prime targets in the queue. Did marvel at the the discipline techniques of the teachers - anyone acting out of line got a swift cuff behind the ears! Did seem to be working as the naughty boys snapped back into line and the girls giggled appreciatively.

Our final visit took us off the beaten track and right on queue as we were learning about Uncle Ho's arrest and imprisonment along came a personal parade of soldiers.

We changed our itinerary and headed to the famous "Hanoi Hilton" more formally and correctly known as the Hoa Lo Prison Museum. Most exhibits relate to the prison's use up to the mid 1950's focussing on Vietnam's struggle for independence from France including graphic pictures of the treatment and torture of the inmates both male and female.

And then it was free time! LO_Ri opted for a visit to Notre Dame and the French Quarter with a long distance view of the Opera House followed by a walk around the lake. WayJay he
Ended out for a revisit of the Old Quarter in the day time and called in for a Korean BBQ.

We were back by about 4 and cI set myself up for a leisurely afternoon of reading and writing on the chaise lounge with the curtains, blinds and shutters open and watched the traffic and people enjoy the lake and the gardens and open spaces. From Friday night till Sunday night every week, this area is closed to traffic and it becomes a pedestrian mall and people's playground.

Mac decided to go for s run around the lake and returned pleased with Garmin's tracking but definitely not and sweaty in Hanoi's heat.

And this is where the fun begins. It is easy to put the pieces of the story together. Hot and sweaty. Need a shower. Window and blinds open. Large crowds outside the window. Naked Mac.

Crowds were gathering outside for the Water Puppet Show. Here were two tourist vuses pulled up unloading even more spectators. There were here for the water puppets but got a dose of puppetry of the penis instead. Richard was downstairs n the crowd and captured some of the action!

Think those who went to the Water Puppet Show will be demanding a refund! Mac's Show, although short and sweet, was a classic!

The reliving of that moment got us through our last dinner at The Apricot Hotel and all too soon it was time to jump into the van with Ha and head to the ran Quy Cap Railway Station. Our tickets indicated that we were to wait in the VIP lounge. What a surprise. A rom with concrete floors and two very public toilets that were absolutely putrid with urine. We had a Vietnamese man ask us if we wanted help to find our carriage. On advice from Loraine's friend we ignored the generous offer. Her experience of handing over a ticket resulted in them having a "stranger" join them in their cabin! Besides, we had Way to work his magic for a s.

The call to boarding was like the start of the Boston Marathon, with all the travellers leaping out of the gate and heading towards the track. We bolted behind Way and I am still not sure why there was such a stampede - we all had cabin allocations at check-in! Maybe they were giving something away?

As we came out of the VIP lounge, Mac glanced up and saw a line of red carriages that were obviously part of a goods train and because it was on the first track you would naturally assume it was our train. He was very flippant as he joked "Looks like we're travelling cattle class." But Way didn't get the joke and nimbly slipped between the two red carriages and headed across a network of tracks while urging the girls to "hurry up."

We blindly followed suit as instructed and did our best impersonation of "scurrying" but Mac, a few paces behind, still smiling at his own joke, looked up and realised there was an extremely bright light, very, very close, that was heading towards him and that he and Richard were in the middle of the tracks. "Oh $hit, it's a train," he yelled - now in a desperately serious tone - and, without thinking, selflessly threw himself in front of Richard to save the day! They had been in front of an on coming train. Way's plea to hurry and the mad dash of the locals now made sense.

We had been worried about saving the unvaccinated Richard from rabies the whole trip - didn't realise it would be a steaming locomotive that offered the challenge. And, I have to say that saving Richard's life was a Herculean task as Mac was loaded up like a pack horse with his suitcase and three pieces of hand luggage. (My hero....he's back.)

Meanwhile, somehow Loraine had continued unfettered with her scurrying and had broken away from the group and was on platform 2 instead of platform 3. Way had to take it up a notch and bolt after her waving wildly and calling out "Lor-ray, Lor-ray" to get her back on track - well, off the track and onto the platform.

I could barely move because I was not only dragging my overweight suitcase I was paralysed with laughter. The situation was totally out of hand because when I finally arrived at our cabin door, all I could see was Way's butt sticking out of the door and blocking the corridor. He was on his hands and knees, glistening with sweat, trying to wrestle the too large combination of luggage into the too small space. There's no problem that a Trails of Indochina guide can't solve.

What a start. And to add to the hilarity, I was the only one laughing. Actually, I think I am still the only one laughing.

Let's see who's laughing tomorrow after a night on the Chapa Express.

Steps: 10 060
Temperature: 32 degrees and intermittent rain.

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Comments

[Aunty Gail]

Oh Jan!!!! You're not the only one still laughing.....I am laughing hysterically with you.....could you possibly smuggle Way into your luggage & bring him home?......I am dying to meet him.....everyone should have a 'Way' in their life!
And Wayne, you are a true blue star - both sexy & heroic!! Jan, you are so lucky to be married to this absolute legend!!!!.....I can hardly wait to read about this train ride.....what could possibly be in store for this next leg of your wonderful adventure?!??!.......xxxxxx

[Von]

Jan, that is hilarious. I am so enjoying catching up on your holiday adventures.