Bombadiering Bush Babies

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Back in Botswana Makgadikgadi Pans

Back in Botswana and at the Makgadikgadi Pans. The pans still had water in them from the heavy rains, so David our guide said it would all be mud and the truck couldn’t make it as it would get stuck. With the news, Celine and I decided to content ourselves lying out by the lodge pool. As with all safari lodge and camp pools in southern Africa we had encountered this one was ice cold. The sun was setting and the surrounding trees had enveloped the pool in shade. It was starting to get cold. Feeling a bit ridiculous lying out in bikinis in winter in shade in front of the lodge bar, we decided to go back to camp and shower before dinner and dark.

Another outdoor shower under a thatched roof. As I undressed I thought about how I would soon be leaving all of this and felt a twinge of sadness in my stomach. I fumbled with the hot and cold taps, never on the same side and rarely as marked. It always seemed to depend on however the plumber was feeling when he connected the pipes. I smiled to myself thinking of how much I loved Africa’s quirks. Nothing here is taken for granted. Getting the right temperature for your shower is an art. You never know if the cold water tap is going to scald you or the hot water tap going to freeze you. I liked not knowing. It kept my head in the game.

After a hot shower it was already dark and almost time for dinner. As I entered our tent to deposit my toiletries I could hear Celine…”fuck….shit… fuck” hanging her “smalls” as the Aussies called them behind the tent in the dark. The girl cracks me up.

Just before dinner a few of us shot off to the bar in search of bush babies. The lodge put food out on a tall pole by the bar every night around 7 PM. Barely into a conversation with 2 Swiss gentlemen on safari at the end of the bar and a diving bush baby was on the scene. It was fascinating to watch. I don’t know what eats these things but I have never seen such a nervous animal, constantly looking in every direction. It was much smaller than I had envisioned, about the size of my hand. It had large brown saucer like eyes and big bat ears. Its tail was at least three times the length of its body and grey fur fluffy. Then with no notice it was off into the night with one flying bounce. I was amazed at with seemingly little to no effort it could leap 20 times its body length in any direction. I had never seen anything like it.

With the bush baby gone our attention turned back to the time….best get back, mustn’t be late for dinner. But the way back to camp turned out to be a little more difficult than we first thought.

At the beginning of the safari we had a waxing and then full moon, but now the moon was new and rising much later. Tonight the sky was black, lit only by the dim glow of a million little stars. Their proliferation reminded me for a moment of being at sea. I was brought back to reality quickly. It was only 7PM but it was dark…really dark. Which way was camp? With the full moon for much of the safari all of us had become lazy and not paid close attention to the direction of camp. Tonight the night was so dark even the flashlights seemed to do little to light the way.
“Are we going the right way?” I said.
“Wasn’t camp in that direction?” chimed Damien
“I don’t remember going this far” Was Barbra’s input.
We all stopped to listen.
“Shouldn’t we hear people around the campfire?” I said.
“Shouldn’t we see the camp light?” Said Barbra.
A pause and a quick vote (got to love the democratic system) and it was back the way we came.
Tim “Wait! What’s that in the light?”…”No over there”
In the dim light of a torch with fading batteries read a small hand painted sign in the bush “Campsite” with an arrow pointed in the direction we where heading.

Back at camp we arrived just in time for dinner. Lukie was standing in front of his pots for the last time on this safari about to make his nightly announcement.
“In pot number 1….noodles. In pot number 2…….carrots. And in pot number 3……..beef strips! Lukie, the Vanna White of the safari circut.

Dinner finished David launched into his briefing of the next days schedule. Not two minutes into his spiel, he was interrupted by bush babies diving into the trash cans and small mice with unusually large eyes climbing up and down tree near the campfire. Not long after, I looked down at my feet to see several mice scurrying under camp chairs and between feet. I commented to David who said in response.
“Yes, the place is full of them.”
Good thing I don’t have any issues with rodents I thought. In fact I think they are kind of cute.

Despite being jet black out, the night was still young, and although for the most part people go to bed very early in the bush, I had yet to acclimate that much. Celine, Damien and I decided to head out to the lodge bar. We tried to get David to join us but he said he was tired and was going to sleep.
“Ok old man. You realize it is only 8 PM?” I said.
“I am not on vacation and I don’t recall your being licensed to drive a commercial truck.”
“Ok, you win” A smile and a wink and we were off to the bar.
A few people were already seated around the fireplace and seeing as we couldn’t get our chairs very close we called it a night after only an hour. Too cold.
Just before leaving the bar Damien said “Oh my god what’s that? “
Celine and I turned around to see one of the biggest rats I have ever seen walking casually across the middle of the bar floor.
This place is teeming with rodents.

Back at camp and it was one final run to the toilets and then bed. Celine and I had agreed that tonight would be a together night, moving our sleeping bags together and sharing the duvet to combine what little body heat we were giving off. It was freezing cold! We put on almost every article of clothing we had and climbing into our mummy sacks, Celine set her “disco” cell phone alarm clock for 5:30 AM and after a few laughs, mostly at the guide’s expense it was off to sleep……..

POW!........POW!........POW!

“Oh my GOD what was that!” Celine said in a muffled scream.

“Bush babies, I think” I said afraid to even breathe having been startled out of a deep sleep by the whole tent shaking from some animal using it as a trapeze.

”Fuck!.......Oh my god. We should go sleep in the truck!” Celine said referring to the overland truck.

“No! We have two nights left on safari. I have braved lion, leopard, hyena and hippo. I am not going to give the guide the satisfaction of having us chicken out over a few fuzzy bush babies.”

Then came the rats, or mice, or rats and mice. I didn’t get out of the tent to look. It sounded like there were thousands of them. In reality there were probably only a few dozen. They were scratching and climbing up the sides of the tent only to slide down, their little nails dragging against the canvas the whole way, making a soft but terrible noise. They had the tent surrounded on all sides. Some where at the bottom trying to nibble their way in while others tried the elevated approach. Celine and I, wrapped tightly in our mummy bags, struggled to free our arms and quickly donned our headlamps looking like miners or spelunkers.

“Quick, double check the Velcro!” said Celine. David had warned about the necessity of making sure the Velcro between the two tent flaps was always fully sealed. We had been very vigilant at the beginning of the trip but with only a few days left and no monkeys we had gotten quite slack. Now the only vision I had in my head was that of hundreds of mice poking their little heads though a gap in the Velcro.

“Ok, tent door sealed!” I said practically yelling it as if the power of my voice would make the Velcro’s hold stronger. I decided to check it again and then triple check it. Mean while Celine was frantically looking around feeling the corners of the tent to see if any of our “friends” had chewed their way in.

Then as quickly as it began they were gone. Dead silence. After a few moments Celine and I both collapsed back onto our mattress pad, let out a sigh of relief……..”Fuck……….!” we both said in unison. Giggling we both looked at each other.

“I have to pee” I said.

“You always have to pee. Why the hell did you drink tea before going to bed?”

“I was cold”

“I have to pee to. Let’s make a run for it.” Celine suggested.

Like flashes of lighting, out of the tent we flew, running as fast as we could down the sand path to the toilets. Trying, but not very successful, to muffle our giggles so as not to wake up the whole camp.

“Fuck the Velcro!” Celine called out in a stifled yell.

I stopped mid stride, ran back to the tent to secure the door, giggling the whole way, then back down the sandy path again at full speed. As we ran we could hear mice running into the bushes to get out of our way.

“I hate mice…I hate rats….I hate bush babies that use my tent as a trapeze…” I whispered as I ran.

“Fuck…………….” Celine said in her usual mantra


Back in the tent we giggled awhile.

"We are going to catch hell tomorrow because there is no way we haven’t woken up every tent by now." I said.

A few minutes later Celine was out cold, snoring lightly. I swear that girl can fall asleep faster than anyone I know. Then I drifted off.....


POW!.......POW!

The bush babies were back! Quickly followed by the rats.

With military precision we donned our minors’ lamps, did Velcro and tent intrusion checks. Check….check.

“It is like the fucking bombing of London…they come in waves, first bush babies then rats………………..Fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

And so the night went on. Somewhere between the giggles, fuck, shit, Velcro and tent intrusion checks, exhausted we fell asleep, only to be awaken at 5:30AM to the “disco” alarm.

“Bump..bump..bump…bump..bump…bump..bump..bump.”

Celine and I looked at each other, still wearing our minors’ lamps we were blinded. We had fallen asleep with our lamps still on…………….”Fuck!”....leading to a long round of uncontrollable laughter.

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Photos

Bush baby feeding
One of the possible perpetrators

Comments

[jerry yoest]

Wanna Bots
This was very well written. You should think about doing something with a string of these! JY