mac,9,german

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1.
raindrops fallin on his face while he look in2 d darkclouded sky. d noise on d schoolyard increase while d boys n girls groupin emselves under d large roof of d grey mainbuildin.only cos he feels xposed 2 their looks starts he walkin 2ward em,joinin laughin,shoutin,playin, shyly with an allmost frightened face.an outsider, outsided by society itself.different cos different. lets call him mac.
his eyes look at blackness,nothinness, his clock, on light in dark, shows 4.30, his brother,there, snores softly,ritmically, n yes, harmonically.yesterday he prepared d hole,2day we would take d hammer.he feels nervous,yes....afraid, he lies awake,eyes closed,till his mama comes 2 wake him 4 school.
its right after school n thomas passed d longn stretch of fores on his side when he met mac who lloked staight in2 his face. his lips allready formed in2 an ironical smile when he heard him shout. asshole, yr mum issa bitch. thomas laughts; 4 this u ll get a nice trashin, n he runs after him in2 d forest.mac hides bhind a tree, hammer in his hand, heart beatin fast, when thomas pass, hittin him right on his forehead. a shout of pain, never heard b4 in this forest, louder than anythin b4.imidiatly thom fell, both hands touchin d wound from wich blood rins out. without thinkin mac sits on top of him hittin,hittin that head, that aaaahhhhhhhhhhh wich enters his skin, his blood,his arm,makin him hammer hittin,hittin,faster,harder, 2 make this cry,shout,pain,stop.he even keeps hittin when all was silent n his hammer trashes in2 a mushy,bloody,destroyed skull. he hit,n hit, in2 a mess of unrecognizable meat, till d real world took him out of his trance. he buried him in d nearby hole.a never felt lust overcame him, a sexual lust,makin his penis hard.without thinkin he opened his pants n started massagin, masturbatin himself, there in d forest, under d trees where d birds came back 2 look, curiously, on what he did n what he was doin. a trance again when he ejacuated his milky sperma on d grave of thomas. only than,back in reality, did he feel pain in d muscles of his arms. he sat down 2 relax.
d teacher introduced a policeofficer next mornin in school.
2.
d beauty of an allmost orange,softly light that kiss d village, of d lightblue sky with its clouds showin hints of yellowish,redish,color,touch him deeply. he looks n lookin,feeloin,gives him gooseskin.somethin touchin his heart.no, he wasnt afraid of d officer at school.just stupid questions: where, when , have u seen last time thomas.he seems missin.somebody have clues? d oficer lookin deeply in2 faces, tryin 2 get hints.no. he felt strong,dominant.this was his world, n his world he dominate.baeuty of nature touches him as it never did b4.
3.
again .night.he cant sleep.3 days have passed.again, his mama woke an allready awake body. still all in school turned arround thomas.
ok, is true, much of d present world look upon him as looser.yes. inna strengh unrealized.shy.introversiv.a mind tryin 2 domninate his soul.school,society, tryin 2 alimentade mind.soul,god,subcouncioussness, speakin 2 him tru sleep, tru feelin 2ward nature.god tellin him what 2 do.
markus ,he says 2 his best friend,simona wants 2 meet u, she is very shy,she told me 2 meet u at 16.00 at d aussichtsturm, markus,its a secret, no tell anybody.
markus,called haeufchen, is, cos fatish,oldfashion dressed,borin, quiet unpopular. he was happy when mac told him bout simona, cos simona he liked a lot n he didnt know what was awaitin him.
d aussichtsturm is a viewpointtower on an allmost never visited hill.mac awaited him,hammer hidin bhind his back.
truth:even tru he considered markus his best friend he didnt actually like him, mayb he just used him 2 share boredoom,or d only possibility 2 have a friend, or a naturally groupin of what is similar: populars with populars, loosers with loosers.
he killed him much d same way as he did thom, only less passionally, he just wanted 2 shut up that noise, that painfull aaaaaaaahhhhhrr.
even b4 he was ready 4 school next mornin did their doorbell ring. 2 policeofficers with a lot of questions
4.
a beautyfull,warm light shines tru d forest, dancin,allmost goldn, 2gether with patches of shadow on trees n ground wich were covered with dried leaves. d 4 letters"help"cried out,xpressin fear n pain.bare legs runnin.d figure flashin tru trees.adrenalin pumpin tru his body,makin him faster,stronger,gicing him xtra energy.d blood on his large kitchenknife dried allready.there, again,his enemy fell, he came nearer n nearer, no, he wouldnt escape.
finaly he got him.his knife went in2 d body like in2 a loaf of bread.thick blood flowin out like water from a brocken bottle. he cut n stab, n stab n cut. fast. oh, what wounderfull feelin, oh , how easy, enjoyable. no noise, only birds singin. he felt calm,under controll.he felt good.he knew he was doin d right thin.
but then when he turned d dead body on its back: so much fear that he awoke instantly:he had looked in2 his own dead face.
he opened eyes, lookin at his clock.4.30.his pygiama wet with sweat. he waited 4 sunrise.
5.
he managed 2 smugle a large knife from d kitchen n went a bit afraid 2 school, d ugly aftertaste of his dream still in his mouth.
iwan, listndo u know that woodn house bhind d bbqplace?all is closed but 1 small window, i co8uldnt get in,but if u help me i am sure we manage.theres a lot of stuff still in that house.
hm,i know that bbqplace good but ive never seen no house there.n laughin he adds, u wanna make fun of me , u pimp?
no,sorry,but there is a house,i swear, if u help me 2 get in we share what we find inside.
after 2 sek thinkin iwan answered smilin:ok, but if we cant get in, n i say:we,i ll smash u so up u ll never 4get.
ok.
thomas n iwan had allways been his main tormentors, but it wasnt only vengeance he was searchin,he just listned 2 his inside n fallowed it.
they met at d bbqplace
this way, come
1st did mac lead d way, but he found ways wich made iwan leadin.he fallowed nearnear,takin out his knife.just bhind him hesays,iwan!,n stabs d turnin boy right in2 his stomach.iwan stepin instantly back, lookin deep in2 macs eyes, mac looks deep in2 his n stab him again, tryin 2 twist d handle as he had seen in a movie.em look each other in d eyes n when iwans eyes dimed n died, somethin dimed n died in macs eyes.he felt pain in his tomach n vomited on d cadaver. he fell down n started cryin. he cried still when d light changed, trew away his knife n walked.
he didnt see sunset, neither d beautyfull lights that started 2 iluminate his village,hallenberg, at nightfall. he saw nothin.but he bgan 2 understand.he took his bike n passina bar he asked 4 matches, then he fished out of d trash an empty bottle n drove 2 d gasstation. he told em his father send him n let em fill his bottle. he went 2 d river. sat down. no, he was not thinkin.he was feelin.ilumination came. he emptied d strong smellin bottle over himself, tried 2 smile(wich he couldnt manage)lit a match n ,purifyin himself, burned 2 death.
hm

u see? samesame with my handicraft. 1 and 2 was good.enteusasm.i play with idea,concept.
but when idea is created i bcome careless, not creatin anymo, just realisin somethin allready created. n as am careless i normally not manage 2 do.sorry
fuck is i like my carelessness. sorry i fuck up story, but idea bhind seems good.but ,hm, i know, cheap philosophhy.i know.but. could bcome good, no? means shortstory must bcome shorter? carelessness wont change...

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Comments

[rutger]

shortstory could become poem?

[hmtm]

impossible,am antipoetic thanx 4 still readin rutger