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Published: August 27th 2010
G'day Mates.
Firstly, we must apologise for the big delays in between blogs. It’s sometimes difficult to be at a computer long enough, have all the leads for the cameras, the money for the machine and the energy to bash them all out at once (poor us... so busy, eh?); however, a blog delight now awaits you…
We took off from Melbourne on yet another flight and headed for the delights of Western Australia. At the rather disgusting looking ‘budget’ terminus we were greatly cheered up upon discovering that we were to share our flight with the one and only… ‘Kitten’ from Big Brother 6(?)!! For those of you who care, yes she still looks like a screaming lesbian. Anyway, we arrived at 3am and were swiftly collected by the wonderful Mark from the Ozi Inn Hostel.
Now, we’re aware that we came to Australia in the winter but we were rather hoping for slightly nicer weather in Perth. But, alas, as Crowded House once sang so proudly, ‘always take the weather with you’. And that’s what we did. Perth’s winters are normally 15-20 degrees yet as soon as we bloody land storms hit which were so severe
that it took the roofs off some people’s houses! This led to a pretty depressing first week as we were also traipsing around all the agencies asking for interviews with those jumped up, self-important office-agency women. Having failed to gain employment in Melbourne, we thought we’d best give it a go in Perth. Nikki managed two interviews although these didn’t actually lead anywhere as we realised that she’s woefully under qualified to do office admin, data entry or any type of general office bitching. Seven months out of a job really does slow down your type speed… and the Converse at the interviews probably didn’t help.
On a more positive note, we realised an excellent way to make some money was for Gail to do some teaching! Now, the amount of effort required to get accredited with the Western Australia College of Teaching was rather epic. After two trips to the arse-end-of-nowhere office, certificates flown over from England, countless calls to the agency… the waiting game began. Gail was told it was pretty much certain that she’d get a job and so we decided to extend our stay in Perth from 5 weeks to 11 to help secure a
contract.
Having been in the hostel for a few weeks at this point, it can sometimes feel a little unfair when all the men get continuous work offers for labour jobs and the women don’t. There always seems to be work available on the construction sites yet it was impossible to get anything from the agencies, the bars or the cafes (this maybe due to our bad luck/not trying as hard as we could or gender bias). Also, neither of us wanted to go to the arse-end outback to work as a ‘skimpy’ waitress! Luckily after asking around the hostel, we got a number for the local ‘cold calling’ centre that everyone seemed to have worked at, HATED, and left. After a phone call, us and our fellow hostel recruit Abbey went for our induction - no interview just an induction! Nikki, having grudgingly worked at a call centre before was aware of how mind-numbingly boring this was going to be and warned Gail it was the type of job that would make her take up smoking again - and the type of job where Gail would start. Basically, we were working from 4-8pm (beggars can’t be choosers as
Getting pissed in the car park. Classy.
Taken literally minutes after deciding to quit our ever so awful jobs. mothers would say) cold-calling people asking if they would like to take part in a survey. The survey changed twice: one was so short and dull it meant you had to make more calls; one had such a long spiel at the beginning, we were saying it in our sleep. The woman running the team was called Debbie, or Debs to those who were long-termers (I. E. those who had been there over 4 weeks). This woman was soooo Australian it hurt. She was a rather large lady who made the ground vibrate when she was on her way over, thus giving us the chance to click off the games we were playing. The more shifts we did, the more we realised that the loud-mouth ‘long termers’ actually did no work, sat where they wanted, went on Facebook and called their friends. We’ve never been so jealous. Dam us having to sit under Debbie’s scrutiny like children.
Thankfully, after 2 weeks of sinking into depression at the call centre, our spirits were lifted by the arrival of an email from Nikki’s UK work mother, Christine whose friend in Hervey Bay (East Coast, about 3hrs up from Brisbane) needed a
house and doggie sitter for 3 weeks whilst she was away. Following the email, Gail set about furiously calculating every possible budget related sum ever and came up with the equation of…
4 hours work x 2 people x 5 days - rent - food - beer - new flight to east coast = SACK THE AWFUL JOB OFF , FLY OVER TO THE EAST COAST TO START HAVING SOME FUN!
This is not to say that we weren’t having a great time in Perth, we were and the hostel was fabulous (see below) but had we stayed longer to work and at this rate we wouldn’t have made any money (complicated explanation required, but trust us). The other bonus of unemployment meant we got to go a brilliant road trip from Cairns to Hervey Bay for a fortnight. Gail hadn’t heard from the agency so we decided to cut our losses and consider the use of a credit card at some point in the future… The sting came when a job offer arrived Monday morning for Gail bit we’d already flown away…gutted.
On a more positive note, we settled into hostel life much better than we
thought we would. Well, there was a few teething problems such as other folk having sex in dorms and World Record Breaking levels of snoring. Mark and Verlie had just taken over the management and quickly became our new favourites, especially upon discovering their obsession with ‘Ashes to Ashes’ and Gene Hunt. The hostel provided free Tea (OMG-Gail was topping 20 cups a day), free rice, and free pancakes on a morning. Fandabydozy. We quickly immersed ourselves in the life of goon (wine made from fish and eggs), poker and many a drunken night in Black Betty’s. We met some really lovely people here and actually ended up staying for a month. During this time, we didn’t managed to make it onto a beach as the weather was so bad. We did manage to visit Fremantle Prison and had far too much fun. So much fun, infact, that we actually went back for another tour - geeks!
Our main highlight - in between job hunting - was our campervan adventure in Croc-O-Van. We borrowed the van off Our Favourites and set off in search of the Margaret River wineries, Chocolate Factory, Cheesery, Coastal views and road- kill kangaroos. Unfortunately
during the trip Gail was less than attractive: she developed a grotesque bite/infection/tropical disease under her eyebrow which kept growing and developed into quite a talking point. In addition, her wisdom teeth began their journey to freedom creating rather a miserable traveler. Nikki had to refrain from using violence, especially as Gail lost the music device minutes into the trip. Three days of engine noise, snarling and local radio followed. As for the reality of sleeping in a van during winter, we recommend: hat, hoodie, two tops, jeans, PJs, three blankets and a sleeping bag. Condoms, if required. We did manage to have a nice time and Gail recovered sufficiently enough to sample the beers and let Nikki drive.
Due to our rather hasty decision to leave Perth, Debbie and the cold, we rebooked our flights and headed off to sunny Cairns. This meant that there are still many things we haven’t done in WA so will have to revisit - obviously, only when it’s warmer. Before we flew, we did have a girlie road trip where we packed ourselves into Lina’s car and drove 3.5hours up the highway to The Pinnacles Desert. This was really cool and The
Knitted Characters had a lovely time discovering how the wind-eroded limestone pillar formations were created.
Perth didn’t exactly turn out to be the financial uprising we were hoping for but we did make some really good friends and learn a lot of lessons about how to plan a trip properly!
‘Thank you for taking the time to participate in today’s survey. We hope you have a pleasant evening. Please don’t hesitate to contact us should you have any questions.’
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Verlie AKA Bollinger Knickers
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You are our favourites too!
Hello Ladies, Well, i had tears in my eyes reading your blog, laughter and sadness. We miss you come back! Recent hillarity in The Ozi Inn, Damo lost a bet and ended up laying on his back on the lounge floor whilst everyone crowded round him and then waxed his chest! Glad you are having lots of fun, hostel life just isn't the same without you. XXXX