Day 6 - Big Banana

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We all headed out the hotel room in search of Breakfast. We wanted to grab something fast since we were only going to spend the morning in Koffs Harbor. We came across several restaurants that were not yet open. After all it was only 9:30 in the morning and from what I’ve seen of Australia it holds some bizarre hours when it comes to businesses. We stopped at a Hungry Jacks which is the Australian equivalent to Burger King. We ate and were ready to go get the day started.

We read in our Australia guide book that Koffs Harbor was famous for the Banana Plantations that scattered the costal hills. We decided that we would go to the one listed in the book and take the tour. I had never been to a banana plantation, nor have I ever seen photos of one, but the images in my head were grand. I had envisioned a lush jungle setting with the possibility that around every corner a prehistoric creature would leap out at you. As for how we would be transported throughout this massive plantation; maybe in an old world war II type truck that was once used to transport troops to the front lines.

We saw the turnoff to the Big Banana Farm and I started to get excited. I wonder if they have monkey’s here I thought to myself. We rounded the drive and were confronted with what a appeared to be an amusement park, complete with a giant fiberglass cartoon looking banana the size of a Winnebago that patrons could walk thru. The attractions were a mere afterthought to the property owners. I suppose the final determination was whether it would fit on the lot or not. Clearly the Banana trees had to be sacrificed. There were signs for ice skating, lazer tag, water slides, and a toboggan ride.

The water slide park was actually five or six large inflatable structures, the kinds you see a little kids birthday parties held in the community parks, but these were larger. I had actually rented a giant inflatable castle for a party I had in college to celebrate successfully taking the LSAT. This is when I learned that $49 kegs of beer and inflatable toys not a good combination. My roommate Brad and I by the end of the day were leaping from the second story balcony atop of the castle towers, but I digress.

As for the lazer tag it would have been awesome if you got to run thru the banana groves pretending to be armed Colombian militants, but wait those trees were removed to make room for all the attractions. Instead there was a giant pre-engineered metal building that worked its way up the hill where you could play. Most likely from the non crowds adjacent to the structure; it would be by yourself. I’ve played lazer tag once in high school but I am pretty sure there were several contestants. Might as well play hide-and-seek with yourself .

Short paragraph; what the “F” do bananas and ice skating have anything to do with each other.

That leaves the toboggan ride. I dare not question the relevance of a toboggan ride regardless of its location. The last time Elyse and I visited the Great Wall in China we got down by way of toboggan. I remember there was a family from Philadelphia that waited in front of us. As I studied the track winding and weaving its way down the hill, maybe a mile and a half or so, I made a comment about how I couldn’t comprehend as to how the workers built this thing. The gentleman in front agreed as he peered back up the hill towards the Great Wall. “Oh yea, the wall too” I said, but I’ve seen the Great Wall before and guess it lost some of its mystic.

We purchased our tickets for one Plantation Tour and two toboggan rides. I made small talk with the guy selling the ticket and told him I came to Australia simply to see the giant banana that I’ve herd so much about. He gave me the tickets and directed us to the theater doors 15 feet from the ticket office. He asked me to do him a favor and unhook the chain that blocked the front steps of the theater and to direct the five other people inside. I unhooked the chain and spoke loudly, “right this way folks, banana tour starts now. Tickets, tickets, have your tickets ready.”

We all entered the theater and took our seats. There was a movie screen and what appeared to be a fog machine in the ceiling. Possibly we’ll see some cool in your face 3-D displays. The presentation started and there was a little hologram couple, a man and woman, that appeared. It was the holograms job to educate us on everything that we would ever want to know about bananas and the plantations in the area. As they spoke figures and props light up behind the movie screen to give a cool 3-D affect. As for the fog machine, it wasn’t one at all. Some one had decided to spend thousands of dollars on plumbing to have the effect of rain, which would last a total of ten seconds, and really had no relevance with the film. It was neither awesome nor lame, it was just there. The entire production was hokey but informative.

The film was clearly a propaganda piece paid for by the powerful and almighty big banana industry. It worked. I am now convinced that bananas are the worlds most important fruit that god specifically designed for mankind. I have never herd this, but I guess there is some controversy amongst scholars as to whether or not the forbidden fruit in the garden of Eden was actually a banana. I am now on the side of the banana advocates. Why would God design such a perfect fruit for man and not tempt them with this fruit. Another interested factoid; bananas don’t grow on trees but rather stocks, and that year after year they climb up the hills. Crazy. Also the Italians and Indian Seeks started all of the plantations and today the Seeks own and operate roughly 90% of the Australian Banana industry.

CHAPTER 2: The Tour

We left the first theater and entered another theater. I have no idea as to what was even said in this film since I was on Banana overload. The doors opened automatically where we exited to a walk way that had a sing that said banana tour. The banana trees there were limited but nonetheless impressive. In all the tour was 100 meters long and took no more than 10 minutes. Next there was a processing plant to show how the bananas are packed and shipped out to the grocery stores and also how the natural gas that bananas produce can be used artificially to ripen the bananas.

Chapter 3: The ride.

From the exit of the Banana Tour we made our way up the hill via the parking lot. We passed the inflatable slides and lazer tag building. In summary the ride was cool but way too short. Only about 400 meters of track and I never used the break once. I never had the feeling that I may die as I did on the one coming down the great wall.

Chapter 4: Adios Big Banana

We headed back down the hill to the gift shop portion of the main building. Souvenirs, trinkets, and gizmos, all banana related, filled the store. Elyse bought a Big Banana picture fame while I bought a mini stuffed banana character you suction to your window. This would be a practical gift for my buddy Scott whom we are staying with while in Auckland.

Adjacent to the gift shop was the restaurant which sold burgers, sandwiches, and all types of banana related deserts. John and Peggy each had a banana shake while Elyse and I each had a regular old banana. On our way to the exit we walked thru the giant fiberglass banana. Mission accomplished. I arrived thinking of the movie Family Vacation with Chevy Chase, look kids Wally World, we’re here, we made it“. Afterwards I had a new appreciation for bananas and actually had a great time. It’s these small out of the way attractions that tend to stay with you later in life.

Farewell Big Banana, I will miss you and you will not be forgotten.

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Photos

Banana Stalk
Not really a tree we learned

Comments

[timmy tim]

Wow
wow wow wow wow ow