Beige-In (Geddit? It's because of the snow...)

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Well welcome to blog number one. I’m still rather new at this game, so I’m going to play it safe with this one and stick to the four things people always ask about whenever someone’s been on holiday, namely: 1) eating, 2) sleeping, 3) weather and 4) is it true they have the same word for horse and mother?

1) The food. Luxurious dinner in a restaurant for £1.50 anyone? Well noodles and some pickled vegetables, but there ain’t nout wrong with that. What I’m not so sure about are these chocolate-filled Chinese Ritz biscuits I found in the supermarket. I didn’t expect them to be as salty as normal Ritz... Just because two things are nice separately, it doesn’t mean that...

2) Everything is grand on the semiconscious front; they have beds and pillows and everything here. They’re not the new century’s superpower for nothing. And what’s more, now I’ve attacked the windows of the room with a roll of cellotape some of the Siberian wind even remains on the outside. Bonus. It’s also means that it no longer sounds like sitting in a B52 at takeoff when the winds whistles in.

3) Buttock numbing weather. It’s cold enough here to make your tears crunch, and with a cheek-blistering gale whipping in from Siberia to boot. I see that the snow we’ve been having has made front-page news on the BBC website today. Heaviest in 60 years. True story too, there’s no denying it's genuinely white a foot deep here (well I say white, the pollution adds a suspiciously grey tint but hey, that’s all part of the course). And the way the Chinese deal with snow probably says a lot about them. It’s all ambition, optimism and plentiful labour. Of course it’s safe to drive my articulated lorry on the highway. It’ll be fine. I’ll probably stop before I run over that woman on a scooter anyway. Let’s not worry. Oh, was that red light? Well that cyclist skidding across the ice didn’t pay attention to it, so neither shall I. *Shrug*... They also don't own any snowploughs so it’s half a dozen hunched units of cheap labour with shovels on each major road junction that has to suffice (and every road junction round my part is major).

4) It’s true they do (just with a different tone). And the language thing is plodding along rather slowly. But I did manage to complement a woman on her snowman yesterday, so I was rather chuffed at that.

Anyway must be off, I’ve got to write Al Gore a letter asking him to sponsor me a round-the-world ticket. Having spent the coldest December for 30 years in Germany, and now hitting a 60 year extreme in Beijing I’m beginning to think I have powers not seen since the White Witch was last in town. With a leap and a bound I could rid the world of global warming... Not convinced? I’d best return to those wind turbines then, he said, getting back to work with nothing more than a click of the heels and a hum of Blondie’s “One way, or another...”

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Comments

[Pip Walters]

Good Reading
Hey Jerry 9 months!!! geeze, well hope the flight out was ok. You blog has provided entertainment during a coursework heavy week so keep at it :) Hope you're well take care Pip

[Daddy]

Nice blog
Will follow this with interest. Just in case you think you're the only one with cooling powers, a place near Oxford got down to -17.7C lst night, not far from where your sister lives. Runs in the family, this chilling business. Unless you unplug the freezer, that is....

[Daddy]

Nice blog
Will follow this with interest. Just in case you think you're the only one with cooling powers, a place near Oxford got down to -17.7C lst night, not far from where your sister lives. Runs in the family, this chilling business. Unless you unplug the freezer, that is....