ashram life... or not

---

As I sit here with a belly full of delicious pizza after having watched the sunset over the Ganga in Freedom cafe, surrounded by gaggles of Israelis getting stoned, I muse about how different the turns that life take are from what we expect. And thank God.

Am starting to realize that my journey is going to be so different from what I anticipated, as is the nature of my learning ...

Being ill with a cough and cold as soon as I got to Rishikesh meant I had time to look around and find the right ashram, as opposed to jumping straight into the first one a fellow traveller recommended back in Pondicherry...and so I felt my sickness was a blessing in disguise and entered Anand Prakash ashram, a very new ashram run by an Indian husband and Canadian wife with high spirits.

After about four hours I realized that locking myself in an ashram for a month without leaving was ridiculous and instead of following the little voice in my brain that tells me what 'the spiritual thing to do is' (ha ha) if anything, I need to find a balance and follow my instinct and so as well as my four hours of yoga a day, I went on walks, emailed friends, sat in cafes and watched the world go by and chatted to fellow travellers.

After four days of this my body decided to pretty much pack it in. I developed a stinking migraine, puking, fainting spells ra ra ra.... seems like doing four hours of yoga a day when you are still sick is not such a great idea... plus I underestimated the power of yoga to shift emotions that have been stored in your body for God knows how long and manifest them in unpleasant symptoms.

I wanted to push on through but when I realized that if I had to eat another bowl for all watery gruel like dal (and sing another Sanskrit grace) I would puke and that really being in an ashram made me feel like a bird in a cage so I decided to leave.

Cue mini crisis: Aaaahgahgah! This is what I came to India to do... finally I am in Rishikesh and can focus on being all wholesome and what happens ? I get sick? Then I wait a little and then go to an ashram and then... I get even more sick? And realize I don't even think I like ashram living? Now what? Why did I come here? Why did I even listen to my heart when it just gets me into stupid trouble or is the problem that I am too stupid to listen to my heart?! Fucking asshole of a universe you think this is some kind of joke? Rah!!!!!

A day or two later and things feel a little different...So now I have completed my second major cliche, hooray! (The first being shaving my head). I came to India looking for one thing and end up finding something completely different...or rather realizing I want to be looking for something different. Am starting to realize the enormity of the lesson in learning how to follow my heart, listen to myself, honour myself, go with the natural flow of things and ignore this raging voice inside me that constantly, moment after moment after moment tells me what I 'should' be doing. Also realized as well as this 'should' that a big part of my intentions for this year involved my ego: "Oh, I'll be so toned and muscular and wholesome and I can prance around and show off, Goddess that I am". Hmmmm (-:

So after becoming aware of some of these things and seeing the reality of some of my thought patterns and how I want to change them I feel a bit like a new born baby where I am right now... I have an entire life time of conditioning to unlearn.

But like a new born baby, life seen in this new light seems unbelievably new and exciting and joy-inspiring, as well as at times strange and unsettling.

Ha ha, my poor readers, you think you get pretty descriptions of India reading my blog and instead you get extensive descriptions of the inside of Ruby's head. It'll balance out later I promise.

Now, with no aim aside my going with the natural flow of things, giving up the reigns to the force outside of myself and honouring myself every moment of the way, my journey seems so much more exciting...

...and I have just booked my ticket to New Zealand, woot wooooot!!!! In about 3 weeks from now. I'll have 4 months there and then another 3 weeks in India before heading home...

And so as promised some snippets about Rishikesh... which is quintessentially Indian in terms of the extreme contrast between being peaceful and serene what with the constant audible rush of the azure Ganges sparkling in the sunshine that emanates from an incessantly cloudless sky, surrounded by luscious green mountains...and the unbearable noise of jeeps and motorbikes honking their horns as they whizz past you on tiny narrow roads. It is unbelievably traveller friendly...you can have a croissant for breakfast, bruschetta for lunch followed by a burrito for dinner, sit in some awesome little cafes, made of bamboo, all snuggly with carpets and cushions to lounge on (designed for afternoons of chai, chess and spliffs of Menali cream - which I am still happily going without)...and every where you look..yoga lessons, meditation, aryuvedic massage, spiritual bookshops etc etc. (It makes me feel a bit queasy actually. There's so much bullshit everywhere, you don't know what is authentic and what isn't). Cows wandering around wherever you go...(have you ever noticed a cows ears? They might quite possibly be the best ears in the whole world)...the constant sounds of ringing of bells during ceremonies...the smell of incense...New age Om Shanti Shanti music blaring from every shop which makes me feel some what violent occasionally...

Today I had my first massage in India which was pretty awesome - an English therapist in his 60s who has been living in Asia for 20 years and who was recommended by several people. I have been missing human touch so much - have not had a proper cuddle since being in India )-: and realized how silly I am for not getting one once a week at 7 quid or so which is the going rate! He worked on my tail bone and with my permission started gently touching the very, very tip of it which you will find is about oooh a centimetre or two from your anus? (-: As soon as he did that I had the most powerful waves of energy course through me to the tips of the fingers and toes... very strange. It was the intensest, weirdest feeling. To think I have had this body for almost 30 years and I don't think anyone has ever touched me there.

On this somewhat obscure note, dear reader I shall wish you goodnight... I am off to my hotel room, to lie in bed and read one of my Rudyard Kipling's 'Just so' stories for children that I can't recommend enough. I think the next one is 'How the rhino got his skin'. You smile the whole way through reading each one...

---

Comments

[valeriavine]

Hey There
I'll be in Rishikesh in early December....canyou tell me what the weather is like there now? And do you need to bring a sleeping bag? HOpe you feel better soon...I"m sure it'll pass and then Rishikesh will seem all different again!