Ubud and Monkey Terror

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We booked our bus tickets to Ubud from Lovina the day before and made arrangements to be picked up at the hotel at 8:45. Promptly at 8:45 a kid with a scooter showed up to take us and our 100 pounds of luggage to the bus station. Yeah, right. I do not know what trick he planned to execute to make this miracle happen and I never found out as I quickly sent him on his way. The hotel driver agreed to deliver us and our goods to the terminal unscathed. At 9 we staked our claim to the back of the bus and were promptly hurtling up and over the volcano to the south side of Bali on a two-hour ride. We passed lines of uniformed schoolgirls in pigtails, scooters and wizened old monkeys along the roadside. The south side of the island is wetter than the north so the mountainsides are covered in huge agricultural terraces growing rice, tomatoes, cauliflower and coconut palms. As we neared Ubud we noted a large number of wood carving shops making everything from kitchen utensils to decorative items to furniture. After arriving at the Ubud Perama bus station Karen posted guard over the luggage while I went in search of lodging. In the early days of our journeys we would pre-book our hotels based on the recommendations of the ‘Lonely Planet’ travel guides which worked well for a while. As of late we have discovered that Lonely Planet has decided to rest on its laurels and most of the information in the new editions have little to offer with regard to accurate information on either hotels or their rates. And yet these weighty tomes are as ubiquitous in the hands of tourists as Old Testaments are clutched by Pentacostals at a tent revival. I have spoken to a number of hotel owners whose lodgings appear in the book and they tell me that they haven’t seen a Lonely Planet rep in years. In most cases the quoted rates have doubled and in extreme cases the hotels no longer exist. The one thing that the books are good for is their maps. You would be better off photocopying the Lonely Planet maps and leaving the book behind to save on weight. When looking for a room I have found that trolling the hotels by oneself works out best.

Ubud’s main drag is called Monkey Forest Road. The Monkey Forest Preserve anchors its south end. Walking north you will pass literally hundreds of lodgings ranging from rooms in Balinese family compounds to high end spa resorts costing as much as $500 a night. The first place I came to was the Pramesti Bungalow Hotel reached via a very long and narrow walkway from the busy main road. At the terminus I found a group of well maintained two story villas with large verandas fronted by beautiful gardens. To the East lies a rice paddy populated by two dozen slender muddy ducks. The rate was $15 a night with breakfast. I figured that if I had found this place on the first shot things could only get better. Wrong. I soon found out that the quality of the digs in Ubud is inversely proportional to their cost. I looked at another six places the worst being an outfit called the Oka Wati Hotel, which looked like a cross between Angkor Wat and a Dodge City bordello. Three teenagers dressed in shorts and dirty T-shirts manned the front desk. I’d like to say that the rooms were as comfortable as Angkor Wat’s but that would be unfair. Angkor Wat has better ventilation and it doesn’t cost $55 a night. I raced back to Pramesti, secured the room, hired a taxi to get Karen and brought her home. It’s wonderful. And once again we are the only guests in the hotel. This is considered low season even though the weather is perfect. The lack of tourists makes it extremely easy to move around the island. Karen and I were just saying the other day that twenty years ago when we traveled with our friend Marc we would have found the lack of folks to be as boring as hell but now in our advanced years we could not be more content. Go figure.

We are nestled at the end of the hotel in a large corner room with big windows, a comfortable bed, hot water, a clean bathroom, a wonderful hostess and two rabbits who have taken up semi-permanent residence on our veranda. I believe that this is because Karen has been hand-feeding them Ritz crackers but I cannot be certain. As soon as we were settled in the staff brought us refreshments. When we returned from dinner last night they had coffee and tea waiting for us. When we got up at six this morning we were offered tea and after our morning walk they served us a big breakfast of banana pancakes and fruit salad in our personal cafe. We just might stay here for the next three months. In the morning a man with a white rag tied to the top of an 8 foot long stick leads our ducks in a single file from their shelter nearby out to our rice paddy. He plants the stick in the wet ground and the ducks hang around the stick spending the day feeding and doing goofy duck stuff. As the sun starts to set the ducks line up on the dike till the man retrieves the stick and leads them home. In every rice paddy in Bali you will see ducks and sticks and it has been that way here since man and duck forged their lives together. Ducks working every day of their fowl lives eating bugs to maximize the production of rice for the good of man only to end up on a platter, plucked, roasted and stuffed with the fruits of their labors. Quack.

Ubud is considered to be the center of the arts in Bali. It was relatively unknown until the 1930’s when a German artist by the name of Walter Spies took up residence here and started a school for the arts. Today Ubud is known for its excellence in Batik, painting, sculpture, woodcarving, basket weaving and Balinese dance. Monkey Forest Road is lined with galleries, restaurants, upper end stores and cultural performance venues. Just outside of town the more adventurous types can partake of everything from mountain trekking to whitewater rafting.

This morning we paid an early visit to the town market and were pleasantly surprised by its large size and variety of offerings. Anything and everything one could want is available here if you have the patience and mind to do some hard bargaining. I am basically a Wal-Mart kind of guy. I go to the store, see the price, check my wallet and make my decision. Coming to a final purchase price in Bali is a well-established exercise in mental gymnastics. The first price they give you is always outrageously high. Your counter must be ridiculously low and then the game begins. If we’re spending more than a few days in a locale we’ll purchase nothing until we’ve seen the entire range of goods to buy and their accompanying prices. We’ll also quiz our hotel owner on what a fair price for any given item would be. Then and only then do we sally forth. So far this technique has worked out pretty well.

After breakfast we went to the Sacred Monkey Forest Sanctuary which is a 5-minute walk from our hotel. The monkeys contained therein are called Balinese Macaques. The larger males can swell to 30 pounds in weight. At the entrance to the park you purchase a ticket for $1.50. As soon as you’ve got the ticket you encounter a woman behind a folding table loaded with bananas. Most people will of course purchase the bananas dreaming of the wonderful time they are about to have feeding the delightful little apes while their friends and family capture the moment in digital photographs which they will share with their friends when they get back home. In reality they are setting themselves up for a mugging. As soon as the banana laden visitor enters the park roving gangs of calculating simians make short work of any bananas they see by snatching them out of your hand or snarling at you until you drop them in fear. Even releasing the fruit and running for your life is no guarantee of safety as the little monsters will grab your pants leg (do not wear shorts in this place my friend or you’re in for a bikini wax) and poke their little monkey hands into your pockets searching for food, candy, coins and cigarette lighters. No matter what Disney said in ‘Jungle Book’ these monkeys closed out the ‘secret of mans’ red fire’ thing a long time ago. Running from them is also a very bad idea when you consider that the ground is covered in banana peels. There are darker aspects to this monkey controlled forest. Imagine, if you will, the 3 year-old daughter of a well meaning family brought to this place hoping to experience nature first hand only to be reduced to a hysterical wreck in fear for her life. These are not the Curious Georges she has come to know and love while thoughtfully munching Fruit Loops on a Saturday cartooned morn. Every 5 minutes you hear some petrified kid sobbing uncontrollably as they come to the sudden realization that there are some things in life that Mommy and Daddy aren’t capable of protecting them from. Like a pissed off 30 pound monkey with a can full of whoop ass. Take some advice if you go to this Balinese version of Dante’s third circle. Do not carry any food. Do not make any sudden moves and if a monkey sticks his hand in your pocket let him have whatever he wants. Your life is more important than your personal belongings. I sat down on a stone wall in the park and within 5 seconds a furry thug came over and tried to snake a leathery monkey finger into my cargo shorts pocket but he could NOT do it! Karen and I have made a major discovery. These chimp chumps haven’t figured out how Velcro works. But they will someday my friends. They will.

Letters from our readers:

Jim Denson wrote and asked how we deal with disease carrying mosquitoes. This is a very good question as not only Malaria but Dengue virus is also endemic to the island. The common name for Dengue is ‘Break Bone Fever’ so named for the warm fuzzy feeling you get when infected. It isn’t good. Taking a cue from the World Health Organization we avoid being bitten. It’s interesting to note that after decades of failed research on Malarial vaccines today the WHO’s main weapon against Malaria is insecticide impregnated netting. Karen and I carry copious amounts of 99% strength DEET that we apply liberally and we will use mosquito netting when we sleep as needed. In reality the mosquitoes here are no worse than the ones back in Florida. When I was stationed in Africa I faithfully took the anti-malarial drugs provided by the Army and I still ended up with a case of M. falcip. You do what you can.

My sister Patty wrote and asked what the time difference is. We are 12 hours ahead +1 day so if you want to know what the stock market is going to do I'll let you know. I hope you are well and happy. And yes we are keeping fairly busy but that's another Blog entry. Love you. Mike

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Photos

A Shortage of Tourists
With no human victims to be had this Macaque Mom and her hungry infant took down a crippled monkey geriatric for a stick of gum he had foolishly hidden on himself.

Home Sweet Home
Our room at the Pramesti Bungalow in Ubud. Peaceful spot with a very attentive staff.

Room Rabbit
Our rental bunny making short work of a sacred offering. Hopefully the spirits grabbed their share fast.

Where's Karen?
Ubud market on Friday morning.

Yes We Have Bananas
One of the hundreds of vendors at the Ubud market. Get there early as things are pretty wound down by 11 AM. Balinese lunchtime.

Duck Stop
Ducks line up in the rice paddies at 4 PM awaiting the arrival of their human supervisor to lead them home.

Mike At Breakfast
Serious Blogging takes up way too much time and you have to work when you can.

Monkey Forest Entrance
The only kind of monkey that Karen will willingly make contact with. This is part of the park's entry gate.

Pick-Pocket Seminar
Macaque family attending an informal class in Ubud.

Nothing Up My Sleeve Either
Having failed to defeat the Velcro barrier this guy is exploring other promising areas. You can't see the shank he had pressed to my back from this angle.

Comments

[T]

dangerous monkeys
You are a very funny writer! I agree abt the monkeys, nearly fell off the cliff in uluwatu when startled by an agressive monkey.

[Diana]

Floridian traveling alone
Hi Mike, Loved your blog. I'm single, recently widowed, fit female about to set off alone. Consider myself fairly well traveled but so far missed Bali. Wondering if it's a secure place for me to be wandering alone and did you set off and cover the entire island?

[Mike and Karen]

Bali Safety
Bali is one of the safest places we have ever traveled to. A single woman would have little trouble there. The Balinese are very respectful probably due to the fact that with over 3 million people living on an island this small, courtesy is extremely important. Sorry about the tardy response. I lost your e-mail in all of the moves.