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Published: August 6th 2007
With only one week left and three classes left I am getting excited about coming home and laughing at how quickly I have gotten used to things. Alaina Ruth and I were laughing at the following examples of China
You know you've been in China too long....?
All white people look the same to you.?
Open spaces make you nervous.?
You smoke in crowded elevators.
People with bright white teeth look frightening to you.
You walk backwards in the park listening to a transistor radio.?
?
A few shots of Bai jiu don't even give you a buzz.
You're at an expensive western restaurant and don't even notice the guy at the next table yelling into his cell phone?
You only drink beer from one litre bottles.?
you get your haircut on the sidewalk
The China Daily is your source for hard hitting, fast breaking, investigative journalism.?
Badminton and ping pong are your main forms of exercise.?
You no longer need tissues to blow your nose.?
You find yourself exiting a major highway...on your bike.
You find western toilets uncomfortable.?
You throw your used toilet paper in the basket (as a courtesy to the next person).
Park
How chinese people " get back to nature" You think that the heavy air actually contains valuable nutrients that you need to stay healthy and thus open the windows to get fresh air
Any discomfort causes you to think there might be something wrong with your 'Qi'.?
You draw characters on your hand to make yourself understood.
You ask people in what animal year they were born
You think you speak Chinese fluently.?
Squatting becomes your favourite position, anytime, anywhere.?
You think a 30 year old woman who carries a Hello Kitty lunch box is cute.
You can't put a proper sentence together in your native language.?
It's OK to throw rubbish, including old fridges, from your 18th-floor window.?
You tell your parents their house back in your home country has bad feng shui.
You are not surprised to see 85-year old ladies pushing tons of garbage up the streets of the financial district.
You use the word "Ayyiieeaaahh" every few sentences to convey surprise, pleasure, pain or anger.?
You believe you are really tall when you are only 5'8".
body.
You watch an american movie on HBO, with sub-titles, and try to read
Xincheng
I really enjoy teaching these students. They are full of energy. The most difficult thing about this class was that they were many more boys then girls so the girls often got outnumbered in games them.?
You think that a $7 shirt is a rip-off.?
Your work buddy taps you on the shoulder to talk to you, and you say "Bu Yan" (no thank you!) out of habit
You think you should wear nylon sox with your Nikes, stilettos or sandals in the summer, instead of a cotton one.?
You always leave tray and trash on the table when you are in Starbucks and Maccas because you insisted it is the way to keep everyone employed?
. You buy an XXXL T-shirt in store when you returned home.?
You are no longer flinching every few seconds in a Taxi ride.?
You can pinch off one nostril and let it rip.?
You have no reservations about spitting sun flower seeds on the restaurant floor.
You start reaching for a piece of fish with your chop sticks and not even notice the fish looking back at you.?
Walking across the street, against the light, in and out of traffic is a piece of cake.?
Your brand new bicycle only cost you $20.?
Your washing machine looks like it was made by
grade 1
The difference between grade one and grade two is really incredible in a year they go from struggling with their names and where they live to full conversations. Even though their English is not as good as grade two I enjoy them they have a good attitude about learning. Matell.
You think it's okay that your girlfriend has a chinese boyfriend too, cause she doesn't like him.?
You except that the bathroom sink "doesn't work" and just use the kitchen.?
You think it's silly to buy a new bike when it'll get stolen soon and stolen bikes are half the price.?
You relish the thought of pizza hut, but only go when you want it to be a special occasion.?
You'd rather pay the 10 yuan for an all night stay at the internet cafe than the 30 for a taxi home.?
You get up early for a backwards walk and thrust your hand at a 45 degree angle into the sky over and over for balanced exercise
Your definition of going home "early" or not staying out too late is around midnight?
You have a pet bird...which you walk?
When you take a cab, you give play-by-play driving directions to the driver?
You feel cheated if you don't receive a full head and shoulder massage when getting a haircut?
When you go to the toilet you start bringing your own toilet paper?
You can pick up any type of food using just your chopsticks... even peanuts.?
. You blow your nose or spit on the restaurant floor (of course after making a loud hocking noise)?
The footprints on the toilet seat are your own.
?
You no longer wait in line, but go immediately to the head of the queue.?
You stop at the top or bottom of an escalator to plan your day.?
It becomes exciting to see if you can get on the lift before anyone can get off.?
It is no longer surprising that the only decision made at a meeting is the time and venue for the next meeting.
You rank the decision making abilities of your staff by how long it takes them to reply "Up To You
You accept the fact that you have to queue to get a number for the next queue.?
A T-Bone steak with rice sounds just fine.?
You believe everything you read in the local newspaper.
You regard traffic signals, stop signs, and copy watch peddlers with equal disdain.?
. You have developed an uncontrollable urge to follow people carrying small flags
You look over people's shoulder to see what they are reading?
You throw your trash out the window of your house, your car or bus you are on
You wear nylons when it is 30 degrees outside?
You honk your horn at people because they are in your way as you drive down the sidewalk?
You regularly fumble for five minutes to find 10 jiao despite 10 people waiting in line behind you?
You ride around on your bicycle ringing a bell for some unknown reason?
When shopping at Carrefour some laowai stares you down for catching you looking into his basket while you wonder to yourself what laowai's eat.?
You start telling a story to a new expat friend about the crazy Beijing girl you slept with 6 months ago and he replies that he knows her and she was his girlfriend at the time. Neither of you care.?
Hookers buy you drinks.?
. You get your first case of bronchitus and you have never smoked a cigarette in your life.?
You have a pinky fingernail an inch long?
You don’t shave your armpits
In a meeting you say everything will be 'wonderfull' and give no details.?
You forget that the other person needs to finish speaking before you can start?
. You think Pizza Hut is high-class and worth queueing for.?
When having conversations with your friends you start leaving unnecessary words or letters out of sentances and end up talking like an inbecile?
You have learnt how to detect someone is in a hurry behind you, and now have the ability to not only walk very slowly but also grow eyes in the back of your head, so when they start to overtake on the right hand side, you automatically cut in and walk very slowly directly in front of them?
. You watch taxi drivers picking their noses whilst stuck in traffic. Instead of feeling disgusted, you actually admire along with them, the length and breadth of the bogie.
You see people outside wearing shower caps in the rain, and instead of thinking what a freak, you actually understand the practicality behind it.
Your eating manners in restaurants are now totally shot. Elbows on tables and spitting food out onto your plate is now seen as being dead classy?
When you are able to jump the queue because the idiot laowai left 2 centimeters between themself and the person in front of them.?
When you wear nylon kneehighs with your best dress?
Before asking someone's age, you ask what animal they are.?
You start picking at other people's dinner plates before they even offer you a taste.?
You eat family style at any and all restaurants, Chinese or not.?
You would rather wait on the street for an extra ten minutes for a 1.20, than pay the extra for a big cab.?
You don't have to speak to taxi drivers. Every cab in town has taken you home at least once, so they all know where you live
You have absolutely no sense of traffic rules
You buy a round trip air ticket in China.
You start calling other foreigners Lao Wai.
You think singing Karaoke on Friday nights is fun.?
Other foreigners seem foreign to you.?
You consider McDonald's a treat
You ask how much people are making and expect people to answer.?
You talk louder than is necessary.?
You are the last of your first group of friends still in China.?
You prefer using chopsticks.?
Chinese fashion starts looking hip.?
You no longer notice the honking on the streets.
You start cutting off large vehicles on your bicycle.?
You start to enjoy the taste of baijiu.
You have to pause and translate your phone number into English before telling it to someone.?
Your idea of a larger home is an extra 10 square meters.?
You get used to having a before dinner, during dinner, and after dinner cigarette.?
You think no car is complete without a tissue box on the rear shelf and a feather duster in the trunk.
You go to the local shop in pajamas.?
You ask fellow foreigners the all-important question "How long have you been here?" in order to be able to properly categorize them.?
You speak putonghua better than the locals.?
When looking out the window, you think "Wow, so many trees!" instead of "Wow, so much concrete!"?
You start wearing long thermal underwear on October 1st no matter what the temperature is.?
You stop wearing long thermal underwear on May 1st no matter what the temperature is.
Someone doesn't stare at you and you wonder why.
You see three people on a motorcycle and figure there's room for two more.
"Squid" sounds better than "steak".?
There are more things strapped to your cycle than you ever put in a car
Firecrackers don't wake you up.?
Your family stops asking when you'll be coming back
You wear out your vehicle's horn before its brakes
Smoking is one of the dinner courses.?
You (male) wear white socks with your business suits.?
You (female) wear socks over your pantyhose in summer.?
You leave the plastic on all new purchases
The shortest distance between two points involves going through an alley
. You get homesick for Chinese food when away from China
Metal scaffolding at construction sites seems much more dangerous than bamboo scaffolding
Pizza just doesn't taste right unless there's corn on it.
It has been at least 18 months since you used the word "tacky" to describe anything.?
Summers are too short; winters too long.?
Eating at "Western" restaurants, you wait until after dessert to drink your soup.?
After being in an accident, you tell the ambulance driver which hospital to take you to
. You think of "salad" as diced apples in mayonnaise
Your favorite pizza toppings are corn and shrimp.?
. In the summer, you roll the legs of your pants up to your knees whenever you sit down.
? You (men) roll your shirt up to your nipples
You only wear a suit when you dig ditches or do home repairs.?
You have a purse and you are male
You smoke in crowded elevators
You draw characters on your hand to make yourself understood
You would never think of entering your house without first removing your shoes.?
You can't put a proper sentence together in your native language.
You aren't aware that one is supposed to pay for software.?
You compiled a 3-page list of weird English first names that Chinese people of your acquaintance have chosen for themselves.?
You cannot say a number without making the appropriate hand sign.?
You eat at exactly the same time every day, whether you are hungry or not. Then eat again later when you ARE hungry.
You think a pedestrian crossing over the street is "beautiful".?
you start likeing the taste of the "meat flavour beancurd" lays crisps.
?
You like the taste of Green Tea and Chivas
you laugh at all of these because you have been there.
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Grandmama
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It's Time
Trisha, I have read every word and now I KNOW it,s time for you to come home! Grandmama