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Published: January 27th 2007
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As we landed in Darwin the first thing we noticed about Australia is the size, the country is unbelievably big. Nature illustrated this to us, as in the North there was flooding while bush fires raged in the South but as our luck goes we missed both (5th natural disaster we have just missed in 4 months!)
Darwin is called the 'Gateway to Asia' and the 'Gateway to the Northern territory' - that pretty much describes Darwin, two gateways and nothing in between. Actually that’s not true, it would be better off if there was nothing in between, but sadly there is the worst city (I use that term loosely as it doesn't count as a city if you can walk around it in 2 hours) I have ever come across. It's ironic that its named Darwin (after Charles) because evolution seems to have stopped here in the mid-70's - they play Wham and Grease megamix in clubs, the ladies or sheilas have big curly perms and terrible dress sense (like in the old pics of my Mum), and they drive ancient cars. You might be able to guess I hated the place! There is one good thing about Darwin...the
motorway that leads straight out of it and into the Northern Territory.
We spent 3 days in Litchfeild and Kakadu national parks. Most of the time was spent going from one waterfall to the next because it was so hot, at one point it was over 40ºc and humidity got over 90% - trust me that is warm! One morning we went on a Croc cruise, where we went down a river and they feed and make wild crocs jump. The biggest was 4 meters long and weighted over 4 tonnes, it was a monster and, worryingly, could easily have got onto our boat. I also tried some 'bush tucka' the guide gave me a green ant and told me to lick its arse (so I told her to piss off but then she explained) and when I did it tasted like lemon and lime, apparently great in a G&T. The highlight of the Northern territory was when we went Gorge walking in Kakadu and after climbing up waterfalls and swimming up rivers for 2 hours the guide showed us some ancient Aboriginal paintings. They were just simple hand prints but he explained that they were over 20,000 years
old and less than a 1000 people had been up to see them, so it was very impressive. When we got back down the gorge a German lads camera had just been nicked so me and Jack (the Aussie guide) chased after the robbers into the bush. Jack was a 'Mick Dundee' type and was showing me how he was tracking them, so we would be running along and Jack would stop at a footprint and say "they're not wearing shoes" and a little further "there are two of them" then "they are aboriginal" then "they have stopped running" and it went on. Now I’m not sure if he was taking the piss (as it's hard to tell with Aussie's because they usually are) but they just looked like footprints to me! Anyway after chasing them for 2miles we got about 350 meters from the car park and heard them drive off. We didn't catch them, maybe because I’m unfit but I like to think it was because we spent 20 minutes looking at bloody foot prints! But it was good fun going Abo chasing!!!
After the Northern Territory we didn't want to hang round in Darwin so we
Pack of Sharks
Not long before I jumped in that very spot!?!? flew to Cairns where we boarded our liveaboard dive boat. Now I’m going to go off on a slight tangent but bear with me... 7 yrs ago I was on holiday with my Ma, Pa and Bro in a European holiday resort. I was sitting by the pool when a man wearing a tight black outfit, who I have never met before, asked me if I wanted to try something I have never done before!? He said just put this in your mouth and keep breathing...obviously he was talking about scuba diving!!! Ever since that day my dream has been to dive the Great Barrier Reef and on 13th January 2007 my dream came true...it was everything I expected and more! I saw so much down there; lobsters, rays, cuttlefish, Giant Trevallies, Maori Wrasse (that’s the big one I’m cuddling) and at one point I was surrounded by 5 sharks - no matter how many times I see then, I still get the fear. It was one of the crews birthdays so we had a few drinks and then a few more and a group of us ended up jumping off the helipad (yes the boat had a helipad and
a Jacuzzi - hard life!) in the pitch black into the sea where we were feeding sharks a few hours earlier, I was out of that water as quick as my little legs would carry me!
After the Barrier Reef we headed down to Airlie Beach and onto another boat to 'sail' (there wasn't actually any sailing involved) the Whitsunday’s. It ended up raining the whole time we were there so we only saw one beach, but it was a very special beach called Whitehaven, the whitest and finest sand in the world. The rest of the trip became a booze cruise - everything in Aus ends up being an excuse to get drunk! One good thing did come out of the trip...we discovered GOON! Aussies speak English but they have just made up a load of words to confuse us, so when you go to the bar you order a 'scuna' not a pint, it's a 'sheila' not a women and he's a 'sook' not an idiot. Anyway Goon is just a 2 litre box of wine but over here it's a national tradition to drink it. You have to drink it before you go out because it’s
the only thing in Aus that is cheap, but it does something strange to you, as Ad and Tommo found out on the boat and ended up getting decorated by some Canadians (funny pictures). Also on the boat was a lad that was spitting image of Rooney (see the picture) but I didn't tell him this because he was a boxer and looked dangerous.
After getting soaked on the Wetsundays we moved down to Fraser Island in search of the Sun. Now I could tell you about the biggest sand island in the world with more sand than the Sahara or lake McKenzie that is so pure you can drink while you swim or the beach that is in the top 10 in the world or the packs of Dingoes or hiring a 4x4 and camping in the bush or Aboriginals teaching us there traditions. Instead I am going to tell you how I was about an inch away from killing myself! It all started with a few boxes of Goon and a drinking game called 'circle of death' (by the way, the aim is not to kill yourself) and ended with me swinging on a boxing bag (who
knows why?) falling off and hitting my head on the edge of our hut and ending in a heap on the floor (apparently if it had hit an inch lower it would have snapped my neck, so I'm told!?). I don't remember a thing after that but a nurse who was with us told me I had concussion and had to check I was still breathing throughout the night. So for the next few days I had a huge lump on my head, couldn't turn my neck and a headache from hell, but more Goon soon took away the pain! Other than that Fraser Island was amazing.
So that was the 1st half of Aus, in three weeks we have seen a lot and drank a lot along the way and enjoyed every minute of it. For the next three weeks we are going to continue down the East Coast from Brisbane to Melbourne and I can't wait!
Also if you like cricket keep an eye out for us at the Eng V New Zealand one day match at the Gabba on 6th February. We will be there, maybe in fancy dress, but definitely with Goon in hand,
having a sing-song with the Barmy Army.
Andy
Also if you fancy reading more of our goings on go to www.travelblog.org/Bloggers/Rick555 for Ricks blog
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Nikki
non-member comment
You fulfilled your dream so what is next??
hey babes, I liked this blog best of all I think its because you mentioned the Aussies always taking the piss out of you. Haha. Miss you babes, times is tough in London without job security . . . Channel 4 have me at their whim. Will email you an essay soon x x x