My Husband Is On His Way


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South America » Peru » Ica » Huacachina
November 4th 2007
Published: November 26th 2007EDIT THIS ENTRY

Christ...here we go again.Christ...here we go again.Christ...here we go again.

The Dr. swags the booze, shakes his rattles and gives his dubious findings
It took two hours by bus from Nasca through to the even sandier barren district of Ica, we witnessed many homeless families pitched out in tents, sadly they had all lost their homes to the recent earthquake that shook for five whole minutes, killing many young kids who were all face booking and my spacing in the numerous Internet shops near the epi centre of the tremor. We took a taxi from the laid-back bus terminal and headed to the one time very elite location of Huacachina.

Huacachina was a one-time hideaway for all the rich Peruvian and other worldly glitterati. In its hay day Huacachina inspired the likes of Peruvian Peter O’Tool's, Mick Jagger types, maybe the real Omar Sharif's, regardless of status they flocked here, bringing ping type writers and big scripts in mind, puffing on extra strength red Marlborough’s held in super long ivory ciggie holders, with not a single fake diamond as they all wore the real McCoy, including dead mink fur mid drift bikinis. Huacachina is within the Ocucaje desert, where millions of examples of reptile, human and whale fossils have been found in the sand over the years, like the salt flats in Bolivia
A local VooDoo clinic.A local VooDoo clinic.A local VooDoo clinic.

Notice the black witch on broom flying upon TV ariel.
this was also a very big sea that is now sadly no bigger than a puddle. To the naked eye it is a true desert oasis, minus all the bazaar hallucinations, which today this comes from smoking the local weed which you are given free if you spend over $20 in the local restaurant, the view still comes with much personal dehydration and very chapped lips. It now takes 10 minutes in an air conditioned cab from Ica town bus station. Unfortunately this place is now on its last legs, the decline came when the first breed of traveller stumbled upon it when riding in from Ica bus station in a rickshaw, they would have turned the corner from the top of the sand dune road and looked down at its endless budget possibilities. The rich and famous then left in droves, so did the cleaners.

The dwindling illusion of this lake has changeable shades of dark blue when the sun is rising, it turns into a shit brown colour when the sun is at its fullest, it is alleged to have fish swimming inside but it looked as if it has slowly drained away by the end of the day. Very early in the mornings I spotted a supersonic water pump and a man who assist the water levels back up again so the swan shaped peddle boat rides could carry on bringing joy without them running a ground. This could be the real Laurence of Arabia dream minus the tea stained actors on stallion horseback; they have all sadly been replaced by petrol consuming sand buggies that around 4pm daily are turning the sand dunes very black. The local sport is sand boarding, ridden by the under fives and mid life thrill seekers, I declined. The view from the top of the dune road is impressive, but upon closer inspection the place is falling apart. The trash and debris swirl around the air along with a slim sheet of sand, if a crisp packet or old Inca cola bottle doesn’t land on you then a thin layer of fine sand will. Everything gets covered in it.

All I wanted to do was relax by any kind of pool. I wished to take in the surrounding 42 degree sand dunes which looked trippy, listen to music and have a break from all this hoodoo stuff. But Saturday afternoon we hooked up with Beth and Ryse who run The Bamboo House food restaurant. They told us of a secret whisper that they had heard regarding the wife of Dracula who was a local black magic witch, she was open for business and on Sundays, it sounded too intriguing. The next morning was a Sunday morning so we went to the next village called Cachiche, where we found a real old white witch’s museum The Brujas Witches Museum that was painted blue throughout. Inside were many displays of witches’ histories from around the world. From Buddhists in meditation, to Japanese samurai, American Indian pow wows, Inca and Mayan tribes predicting the end of the world in 2012, there were also many witches scenes from England using sadistic looking Barbie dolls.

We drove up a dusty rocky dirt road to the work place of Maestro Curandero also known as Cesar El Angel, the master Curer of health, money and love. This El Angel was a witch doctor; he had a black witch flying on a broom stick, on a mast, above the practice. He also had a white witch riding a broom inside his practice room. This was the town’s healer of health, financial advisor, and spell binder all rolled into one, just think of the secrets he could tell. Inside his world felt eerie, he had a display cabinet stuffed full of human skulls that must be introduced as a group as you enter the room, if this does not happen the patient will be hounded by very bad nightmares, under the sculls sat photos of the recently departed along with their underpants. In the front waiting room there were unidentifiable dead animals, similar to the Llamas in La Paz and live sacrificial chickens in the back yard. Walking sticks propped on top of trestle tables that had strange carvings of gods, demi gods or semi demi gods stood in line. Ten green bottles hung from patchy damp chalked walls, these were sacred voodoo herbs which had been drenched with vile scent for extra healing purposes.

He told me that within the next 18 days I will be tested fully, everything will hit me at once. I was not to complain about anything while it is happening or I will break the spell of good luck for my future, which isn’t good. Two ladies sat in the queue waiting for a session with the Dr. but he rushed me in before them and I apologized to the ladies in bitie Spanish. His office was a Tim Burton film set, a bewitching witch painted in black in mid broom flight on the wall behind him, a blue and white Virgin Mary desk lamp, some random Buddha, plastic flowers, lit scented candles, used tarot cards. I had asked Ryse how much he thought this would cost me, he heard it was donation only; the doctors do this for the good of the people around here. So when we all sat down I asked how much? His answer £95.00. The bare faced deceit. I rolled my eyes and started to get up and walk away, I appreciate he may have a big family to support, but still! He told me if I truly believe in this we could negotiate. I got it down to around £25 and for my £25 Id be given the following.

A. A full protection ceremony for aura, health, spirit, mind, emotions, wealth.

B. A special blessing shield, against harmful human others directing their evil curses towards me.

C. The Dr. will give me a bottle of special perfumed herbs for my protection that I must carry for 21 days after this day, never to leave my person, and never to hear me complaining about anything.

D. He will answer all questions.

E. He will look into my direct future and give me his honest predictions.

F. I could take as many photos as I needed of him and his place of work.

We shook hands, he then proceeded to drink Ayahuasca, it was only 10am, he shook two rattles, started whistling like jungle birds, singing, talking too fast to himself, this I now realised is so the spirit guides could hear him in a clearer more different frequency, poor Ryse had never seen anything like this ever in his whole life before today and he was my designated translator who to be honest was lost in translation himself. The Dr. came out with some startling things. He told me that the man I was with, sat 2ft away was not the man I will marry. He told me the man I will marry will show himself in a couple of years time, but right now the time is not right yet, he will be a man of great human experience and he will look after and understand me more than anyone has ever done before. My husband is on his way. I felt bad as Stu was sitting right there, but I also felt excited. Who is this man, where is this man.

I was enclosed in a sacred talc powder oblong path, decorated with random real sculls, their old pants and more dead things looking in at me. His man Friday held a conch shell close to my skin it was full of hideous stuff that was similar to catalogue perfume, he drank it then spat it out in a fine spray all around me so now I stank of cheap catalogue perfume, this was not nice. The ceremony lasted two hours, I had to pray for what I wanted in life, give thanks, hold dead sculls accompanied by a passport photo attached of the deceased, and thankfully I did not have to touch their underpants. The Dr. stepped out to the back yard where the sacrificed chickens still clucked around, but not for long, he beckoned me to follow him, thus breaking my talc protected
I see world domination coming for you!!!I see world domination coming for you!!!I see world domination coming for you!!!

(Said after I handed him all my money)
enclosure, he wanted to privately tell me new but sensitive visions he could see for my future.

His dilated Ayahuascan eyes stared into my soul, he said that I will be hurt by someone close to me, this person has been in my life for a very long time and was currently being deceitful behind my back, he described someone, I did not believe it at that moment and I refused to believe that this nasty event could ever happen caused by someone I currently loved and trusted very much. He told me that within the next 18 days I will be tested fully, everything will hit me at once. I was not to complain about anything while it is happening or I will break the spell of good luck for my future. Within the 18 days to follow was our dreaded Inca trail Machu Picchu 4 day mountain trek, he had no clue exactly how much complaining I was about to do!

The voodoo doctor told me that after 21 days of no complaining at all I shall start a new and very exciting life, a very public life, he told me I was going to reach a lot of people’s hearts. But I must keep my special herb protection bottle that cost $25 with me all the time. He told me again that a great man was coming into my life, but not yet, this was embarrassing to hear out loud as my current boyfriend had joined us and was stood to the side of me taking pictures. He finally asked if I wanted to place a hex on any one particular. I couldn't really think of anyone worthy. If only he had asked me this 30 days later. When I returned to England for a Christmas all hell broke out with my sister, the prediction came very true, which while it was happening I remembered his words and felt calm as I knew it was destiny in motion.

The ceremony was full of pomp, bells and whistles; I got my £25 worth. I felt weird afterwards like I did in Belize with Ma Garcia, but this weirdness lasted for a long time after, well into the New Year. I felt drained yet floaty, he had meddled with my ethereal being, it went right through into my core being, a shift had happened. I soon
Yer, but LL Bowen doesnt use real sculls!Yer, but LL Bowen doesnt use real sculls!Yer, but LL Bowen doesnt use real sculls!

Sculls and relics and dirt and stuff.....Peruvian foundation laying.
developed a small cough which grew in to full on Pneumonia; this to me indicated a big change was happening. I was tried and tested many times over the following 18-21 days, which was a bitch to control my moaning inner self.


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Just hold all this a minute..Just hold all this a minute..
Just hold all this a minute..

While I spit Lantheric by hoodooYardley all over you using a conche shell...
Donated for science and photo of donatorDonated for science and photo of donator
Donated for science and photo of donator

And mens boxers (behind) thrown in
Its a dogs life....Its a dogs life....
Its a dogs life....

Loads of animals everywhere here....a bit of heaven


28th November 2007

Blue Balled
Wow...closest thing I've ever run across in all my travels to your porno rickshaw driver was a blue-balled monkey who lived alone in a cage just down the hill from where the Delphic Oracle lived and worked on the Greek Island of Delphi and where the Omphalos Stone (thought to be the center of the earth & the universe - said to channel intoxicating vapors that were breathed in by the Oracle)was. This blue-balled boy was wacking his little monkey with the same vigor as your porno rickshaw driver. Perhaps it is all part of a bigger cosmic picture - a requirement of some sort for spiritual growth - a part of the soul journey - symbolic for something ....ah...but what exactly??? now there is something to think about! Hope you are feeling better. BIG hug. BIG Love. MAC from California.

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