Day 3 - Horseback Riding

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Day 3 - Horseback riding in Sexy Woman

So after a night of sweats and chills, Michelle and I had the pleasure of waking up at a more decent hour this time, due to the cancellation of our trip to Sacred Valley. Many told us this was worth seeing, but honestly, another day of walking up mountains and taking photos of ruins was just getting a little bit too old. We’re in Peru, so why not do as the Peruvians and ride some horses!? Thankfully, due to my amazing “Googling” skills, we managed to find a decent little horse rental place up in a town that I cannot spell right now, but the tourists call it Sexy Woman. Love it. How could we not take advantage and ride some horses in a town called Sexy Woman??

So we make sure we get down to the dining room before 10, so we get our free breakfast. The hostel owners must have seen that Michelle and I were totally malnourished, so they offered us some scrambled eggs. This was definitely a great start to our day! Our buddy Elizabeth who works at the hostel meets us and tells us the bad news. Apparently, no one in Sexy Woman speaks English, therefore she is worried for our safety and offers to take a ride up to the countryside with us. We are extremely grateful and at the same time a bit confused, as no one in the States would ever be so kind. We take the taxi up the mountain, and when on top, Elizabeth proceeds to look for the horse ranch. Nothing in site , except some locals hanging out on the side of the road, holding on to two horses with a little tiny lady waving us down. This can’t be it, Michelle and I think. WRONG! This was definitely it. Elizabeth asks the cabby to pull over, and at this point, both Michelle and I think about the movie Touristas (Brazilians kidnapping American backpackers and taking their body parts.) I wasn’t ready to give up my liver and Michelle really wanted to hang on to her kidneys. So we put our fears behind us, as we did in the past, and listen to our buddy Elizabeth trying to organize our mini-adventure. After approximately 20 minutes of “Americanas, Americanas, no Espanol…gringas, Si, Si,” we are finally told that it’s all set and we are directed to our horses. These poor guys were just as malnourished as the two of us, so right away, we feel a bond. Becuyu was my horse’s name, it probably means “Shit-head” in Spanish, because the entire 3 hours on the tour, that’s all he kept doing, shitting. Michelle got Scorpion, and boy did that name suit him well! That horse had the craziest mood swings ever. One minute it’s winking at me, and the next it’s trying to knock me and Becuyu down! And let’s not forget his green diarrhea attack, as I still can’t get the smell off my shoes.

We begin our tour up a little tiny dirt road. Mind you, no release forms were signed, so in case we really did get taken to a nearby hospital and dissected, no one would ever know. Thankfully, Bento the dog leads the way. Apparently, he knows this tour better than our guide Theresa. Michelle and I just smile nervously as we are told how to say the following words in Spanish: “Pero,” for stop, and “Benga, Benga” for go. (I think?) Whatever it was, I am pretty sure I mispronounced it, since my horse continued to do the opposite of what I asked it to do.

We make our first stop, unsure why, because our guide Theresa speaks as much English as we do Spanish. She tells us to jump off, which honestly, was not the easiest thing for a short little person like me. So we jump and follow Theresa. Our lives are in her hands now, and we truly hope that she doesn’t give us away to the Inca’s as sacrifices. We proceed to a nearby cave, yes, cave. This is probably the most unsafe thing we can do right now, due to lack of people nearby to hear our screaming. Theresa smiles and points to a tiny little hole in the rock and says, “Come, come.” She now wants us to go inside the cave, no flashlights, no guns. No protection from what could be waiting for us. Well, any normal person right now would probably say, “No thank you, I’ll pass.” But Michelle and I are not that normal, so we head into the darkness. If we had bread, it probably would have been a good idea to sprinkle some crumbs outside, so one day someone could find us. Inside the cave, there is no light, it’s pure darkness. I see Michelle taking nonstop photos so they create some sort of lighting for us. Vampires, scorpions, bats… I am sure all were in there. I am sweating profusely due to fear of getting my foot stuck in some hole and not being able to get out. I hear Michelle in the distance, “Come on Inna, it’s OK, I swear.” I wasn’t the only one scared, as I could hear little Bento whimpering beside me. Theresa is the size of 4 year old, so she’s running through the cave like a madwoman, screaming, “Fun! Fun! Everyone is OK?” NO, definitely not OK. I get stuck in a crevice and begin to whimper like the dog. I scream for Michelle and she tells me to squeeze through and that there is light up ahead. I take the deepest breath and try to suck my boobs in… somehow this works and I push myself towards the light! YES! I am alive. I look up and see Michelle. Tears of joy running down my face, I couldn’t be any happier, until I realize that I will have to do the same trip back in order to get out. The only other option is to rock climb through a tiny little opening that my D chest would have no shot of getting through. My dear buddy and hero Michelle braves it, and says, “What the heck!” and decides to go for the little hole at the top. I beg her to wait for me when she’s out, and run to the cops incase my trip back out isn’t as successful as the trip in. Thankfully, we both make it out of the cave alive and gain a little bit of trust for our guide Theresa. We now realize that she isn’t a cannibal after all.

Back to our horses we go, riding through the hills of Sexy Woman, enjoying the wind in our hair, the beaming sun burning our scalps, and the fresh stench of horse poop. We make it to another rest area, and are asked to hop off again to visit some more caves. We’re strolling through the hills on foot now, and Theresa forces us to eat Peruvian grass. She swears that it cures hangovers, and I wonder how we can grow this back at home, I wouldn’t mind a private batch. So we visit the Temple of the Moon, which sounds cooler than it really is. Theresa tells us about the mummified Inca women they found there, and Michelle and I are freaked out. Again, AMS (acute mountain sickness) strikes, and I begin my temperature rising. We explain this to Theresa and she makes us eat another plant. She too sees the pain in my eyes, and takes us back to our horses, so we can finish our tour.

Our trip back was peaceful, and Michelle and I both sat back while our miserable old horses did all the work. We ride through the woods, back down the dirt trail, out to the road where we were dropped off. Yet another successful adventure makes Michelle and I giddy, and we even have a cab waiting to take us back to civilization. We decide to celebrate with a nice dinner at the Plaza, and perhaps some bar crawling.

We get dropped off and proceed to a little restaurant with balcony seating called Papillon. They have brick oven pizza, the most familiar dish to us. And what a tasty pizza it was!!! We have some of our favorite Cusquenas, take some shots of each other, and enjoy the view all the while wearing the same stinky horseback riding clothes as we did earlier in the day. (Please don’t forget the horse diarrhea on my shoe).

After our meal we are on a mission to find a cool bar. So we walk around in circles, do some souvenir shopping, get stopped by a few locals who try to get us to go to the Discotecha… my reply to them all, “White girls don’t know how to dance,” hoping they will leave us alone. One of them is a good salesman, and says that they have lessons for white girls like us. Michelle and I laugh and ask him where we can find the nearest Irish bar. We arrive at Paddy Flanigans, the highest Irish bar in the world. After a full day of riding horses, our butts were sore and the bar stools weren’t helping. We drink some beer, and out of nowhere get a text from Nick, who was the first one to tell us that good ol’ Heath Ledger died. This news really bothers us and we decide to leave. On our walk back to our hostel, I think it’s a perfect time to take some drunk gutter pictures. Michelle and I laugh like retards and continue walking. Finally when we get back to the hostel, our buddy Elizabeth comes out, with some more bad news. She tells us that due to a transportation strike scheduled for the next day, we have to wake up at 5am in order to catch the taxi to the airport (our flight isn't until noon). What a great way to end our little vaca in Cusco. So, we say our goodbyes to Elizabeth and go upstairs for our last night (or just 5hrs) of cuddling in Cusco.

Day 4, arrival to Lima coming soon!!

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Photos

Becuyu
Smiling nervously as we follow Theresa up the trail

Dirt road
Little Bento leading the way...

Sign
Wasn't kidding about Sexy Woman

Scorpion
Michelle and her evil diarrhea horse, Scorpion

Tiny Crevice
Seriously, I don't know how Helga and Olga squeezed through...

The Brave One
My hero Michelle rock climbs

Hole
Told ya it was tiny

O My God
Nearly dead from lack of oxygen and high fever, and also from eating foreign grass

Cave
I forced a smile... in reality I was really crying

Gutter
End of night gutter picture