Dead Fairy Walking

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Peru:

About to leave Peru..and again I am one country behind!

After Bolivia we landed in Puno which was said to be a party town...purely because there is nothing else to do..they were right! The Jess and I started the meal off with an invention called a Pisco sours (we were new and thought hey..do as they do in Rome..per say)! So we wolfed down the amazing thing that is a Pisco sours. I would like to inform you all at this point that Jess does not wolf down anything..but merely cradles it in her sausage fingers until it has brewed itself into something that resembles an English ale! Yummy. So once we had finished this delicious cocktail..and half a bottle of wine (Jess not so much the wine..more just the cocktail) we were well on our way to a most fabulous time! Next stop some random pub where they served rum and coke in a jug. Obviously I was saving money so I shared one with Pish (coz clearly 3/4 of a bottle of wine is not enough) ..and dem some more as her and I were buying rounds! (one of my more brilliant ideas)! The dance floor experienced an amazing array of my bump n grind combined with an awful lot of feet shuffling..or what Jess and I fondly refer to as the White man two step shuffle..a phenomenon that is present in every dance floor around the world (much like a game of kings cup..this dance unites nations)! Once I felt that Puno had witnessed enough of my show stopping shuffle a.k.a groovy bump n grind, we all stumbled back to the hotel room where we were hoping to continue the bender..because obviously the two jugs of rum just wasn't enough!! Luckily there was no mixer..so we fell into a heap on the bed, looking forward to the wake up call in 2hours for our boat trip to the floating islands on lake Titikaka! Oh yes.brave little soldiers we were..getting slammed the night before a boat trip! Bright is an understatement! So there we were..day pack in tow and a 5hr boat trip that lay before us. Feeling like a Rhino had rammed into my head and that I was possibly going to deposit my rum and cokes in the middle of the boat..I hear a yell from the other side of the boat that Jess had dropped her bag into the water. As I am the travel companion and to Jess what the UN is to most African countries...I was on hand to help. Or rather on this occasion..on hand to roar with laughter..shake me head..and say..Only Jess..the only person I know whom can find a 10cm gap between a boat at the pier..and drop her only clothes into it! well..luckily it seemed that the bugger floated upright..so she managed to hang onto her possessions. Priceless! the floating islands themselves were an amazing sight..even if we were all horizontal for the length of time we were on them..and possibly the worst people to have in a tour group..if anything..the conversation was animated! There was a pause for us to have a wee nap before arriving on the island where some unfortunate family was to put us up for the night.

Jess and I were led by Rose, our 14yr old mother for the night, to our house halfway up the hill. We put our things in our room and then headed to the hut in the garden which was the kitchen. Sitting in front of the fire was Rose´s aunt..and in our best ketchwa we asked if we could help. We were handed a basket of potatoes which looked a great deal like a ´´keep the gringo´s busy whilst we cook basket´! So there Jess and I were..looking and smiling at our hosts who couldn't understand a word of what we were saying and probably laughed at us man handling the potatoes and knife like a pair of toddlers!Eventually they had to wrench the knife away from me (I hate not completing a given task) and fed us the most amazing meal. Luckily my stomach was ready for solids after my liquid diet the night before! The best soup Ive ever tasted followed by more potatoes and squeaky cheese..delicious! Rose then deposited a bag of hats on our table so that we could choose a gringo hat. Apparently we all look the same, so we pick a hat that the family have made and will thus recognise us! Once we had force fed ourselves the majority of the potatoes and the vegetables that looked something similar to Jess´s sausage fingers- we walked up the hill to the football game. Sitting at high altitudes..walking up a hill on the islands is not pleasant..lest playing a football game! But hey..it was fun to watch the boys scurry around and get their asses kicked by some serious looking Peruvians who probably eat babies heads for breakfasts!! Just as the sun set we were again shuttled by our ´Mother´Rose back to the house for a nap and another round of carbohydrates! Again..a delicious meal..cooked by Rose´s grandmother who only spoke Ketchwa and joined Rose and me in laughing at Jess. Mostly because she was sitting there with her new hat covering most of her face and slurping up soup. Jess also has the ability to unite people and transcend language barriers. After dinner was the great moment when Rose dressed us in traditional dress..oh yes..I was most excited!! Okay..not so much..but hey..all the cool kids were doing it! The islands dont have any ablutions..so things are a little on the clunky side..especially the clothes that have never been washed! It was great fun to see each other in ridiculously looking clothing and taken off to the dance hall where we participated in traditional island dancing..which I feel is just a variation of the white man two step shuffle. It was such a laugh! The boys looked incredibly uncomfortable even though they only had to wear a poncho! The night drew to an end and we fell into our beds for one of the best sleeps ever. Rose woke us up for Coco tea and pancakes....amazing! then it was another boat trip to another island. Staying on the island was a great experience...another strong recommendation from me! ....

Once back in Puno we made our way to Cuzco..or cuzcotopia for those educated few who have watched ´´The emperor's new groove´! Cuzco is one of the prettiest Cities Ive ever seen..pretty chilled and not much to do..but its the launch pad for the Inca trail..so plenty of Gringos about. The first night we went out to try the local culture so we found the closest Irish Pub! (Why do we all do it..but also..how come there is ALWAYS an Irish pub everywhere you go)! The food was amazing- totally worth putting up with the annoying yank sitting next to us. The clubs in Cuzco all have touts which try to lure you in with the promise of free booze..which I must admit is great. So we bar hopped a lot..getting free booze most of the night..even cheaper! (If that is at all possible). Now I feel at this point that I should point out that whilst it may seem that all we do is get drunk..its really not the case! We sometimes eat and spend time in the internet cafe! OK..that really isn't fair..we buy souvenirs..and bracelets that I clearly don't need..but just must have! Jess has a fetish for earrings and scarves..and I cant help but purchase wrist bands! why..no one knows..but soon I will have them all the way up to my elbow! (I know..pretty..very pretty)! OK..back to Cuzco..after a couple of nights out on the town..it was time for the ultimate adventure ..the Inca trail. Unfortunately I spent the first day..which was a tour of the sacred valley..feeling like my head should be shoved down a toilet and wishing that someone could switch off the sun. But yes..the Incas were a great civilisation and even in the horrendous state I was in..I still managed to enjoy and appreciate all the sites! At the end of the day we stayed at Doris´house in Ollantytambo (spelling) where we were fed the most amazing food ever! It was also the location of the frog game..which I never truly mastered and which still taunts me! How do you get that big coin into the frog´s mouth?! Basically its a game where you throw coins at a table and try and get the coins into the holes..and the most point are for the frogs mouth..which quietly alluded me..much to the sheer enjoyment of the group..knowing full well that I have a very small competitive streak! As you can imagine..when we set off for the Inca trail on the Saturday..Santiago and Jose..had to tear my hands away from the table as I hung desperately to the coins and frog..just wishing I had more time!!! Luckily I have recovered from the trauma of not reaching my goal!! (Apart from the small twitch in my eye..but hey..a twitch can be attractive cant it)!

The First day of the trail was pretty easy. Started off with us purchasing our walking sticks and getting our passports stamped. The excitement of a stamp going into a passport never quite wears off..as we all compared passports to see who had the best stamp! Much like pre school kids would! Yes..its a hard life spending all my time playing!! So we had an easy day walking through some pretty good scenery...gawking at the porters lugging all our clothes..food..tents..and the rest up the mountainous trail. Food was super as well..mooi Rico..mmmmm! (My Spanish is improving)! The first night we stayed on a farm which was situated between two valleys. The ablutions were abhorred!!! The stench was such that when I went in I was faced with the dilemma of either wetting my pants or vomiting on myself! I wrenched a measly three times compared to Jess´s seven! (Yes..I can be competitive about the tiniest thing)! After recovering from what I will now classify as the worst toilet in the world we set off for the toughest day..Dead women's Pass. I spent the first bit walking ahead then stopping to chat with Pish, Jess and Kate. Eventually I decided that this incline was never going to stop and I needed it to be over soon! So i pressed on..huffing and puffing all the way up to the top. Altitude walking is not easy..and climbing to 4200m (that's Fact.. PHACT)...whilst trying not to seem tired..while..that's an effort in itself! I walked mostly by myself...just my thoughts for company...oh and the ramblings that popped out of my mouth..when internal monologue becomes external..it tends to scare people! Once at the top of Dead women's pass..with no one to share it with..just had to take a self portrait..a little sad perhaps..or rather lets call it reflective. The downhill to camp was almost as hard..the calves starting to fatigue at this point. I was one happy camper when I caught up with the others. Got to have a little nap before Jess literally stumbled into camp! Nearly had to be carried into the tent..and then did have to be carried out of the eating tent by me when she passed out. Luckily Ross was there to stick out his elbow in case she fell into his soup..oh yes ladies..Chivalry is still present! (It warms the cockles of my heart)! So when Jess had finished playing the damsel in distress with Jose (our assistant guide) I managed to wrench her food from the beady eyes of the boys..and get some energy into her depleted body. Sleeping in such places is awe inspiring..felt pretty lucky...and pictures tend not to give the scene its full justice. The following day was all downhill..not particularly pleasant either with stiff calves..OR a twisted ankle..how ever Jess WAS escorted the whole way by the lovely Jose where she was able to practise her best Spanish sign language. The next camp we were at had running water and a bar..yes..my two favourite things on this trip so far! I was insistent that I was going to go the full trip without a shower..however..if anyone asks..Jess forced me into the shower (the evil woman)! The mood was pretty good in camp as the next day was the big day..the culmination of hard work..the final prize per say!I had two and a half beers (the other fell victim to Jess´s gracefulness..although not technically her fault..it just makes for a better story)...and then proceeded to have my cheek gently nibbled on by the not so sexy Santiago..an altogether unpleasant experience..but somewhat funny at the time!! We crashed early that night as we were going to be the first group to the gate..yes..we were up at 3:40..not my favourite time of the morning..if I had to choose..but it did mean we were the first people there..and we all now know how much I like to be first! We walked in the dark up until the Sun gate..up the 50 steps.. for our first view of Machu Piccu. It was great..the whole thing was great. The feeling of superiority as we climbed over the ruins was immense..yes..we looked down on all those people who caught the train up..them and their clean clothes..their sweet smelling hair..their smooth legs and armpits (i compensated the shower by becoming the amazon women..something kinda ooooo some would say)! When arriving we got another stamp in our passports..the limits of excitement our boundless! We then had a little time in the ablutions where there was actual loo roll..and running water..and it didn't have that sewage smell. I'm not embarrassed to admit that I sat there and enjoyed every bit like it was the last time I would ever use a toilet! (Small pleasure when on an adventure such as ours)! The ruins are really something special..however throngs of tourists ruin it a little..and after 4 days of walking we were quite pleased when the tour ended and we could head towards the amazing hot springs (Agua Callente) which were much talked about! Once arriving...with great anticipation I might add..we were greeted with a crowd of adolescent Peruvian boys lying it what looked and felt very much like dirty bath water. Yeah..cant say we were overly eager to rest our weary bodies in there longer than quite necessary! Luckily the lovely Edwardo ordered us some Pisco sours ...(now my not so favourite drink) and got a little tipsy..a common theme I guess. The train trip back was a little drunked..and started off with me losing my train ticket! Yeah..I had to HOLA for Jose..whom I was convinced had it..only to find that it was sitting in Kate´s grubby paw..after I handed it to her. Disaster averted..we made our merry way back to Cuzco. It was a long journey...and there was much talk of the 24hour challenge (had to stay awake until 4 am the next day..i wasn't going to play that game..I love my sleep too much)! So back in Cuzco..after a lovely shower..we made our way to 'Uptown'again. I was walked home by Jess at some point when the rum and coke got a little too much. Great times all around!

Okay- I'm going to admit at this point that this blog is quite something to get through..and that if you have made it thus far.. well done! You are officially a trooper in my eyes..that or you just really really love me and what to know what I'm up to (I know the latter is true)!

Not only is this blog too long but I bloody well cant be asked to write anything else!

As aways..hoping that you are all well!Love to most of you..bum rubs for those who care..

x x x

P.S. Dead fairy walking..well..fairy theme..and the Inca trail..walking..don't make me spell out my cleverness to you!!!

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Photos

Jess
Just settling down on the boat after plucking her bag from the water

Jess and Rose
Our fantastic traditional clothing

The Love Palace
Jess recovering after taking a tumble into camp

Grrrrr
Santiago and the dreaded cheek kiss

The Sun Gate
The first sight of Machu Piccu