Culling of the Fairies

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Absolutely gutted! yes..Blasted technology have let me down and all my entries have been lost. I can understand all your pain and resentment..that all that laughter and fun you had reading my blogs will never be repeated! (of the last 4 anyways)! The site have lost all my very very hard work! When I think back to the hours I spent in the internet Cafe when I could have been exploring a city..tears are shed!!! I may have sworn a little!!

Im at the end of my tour..at the end of Peru and Bolivia has still not been posted! Luckily I wrote a little in my email account..so here´s what I have...!

Bolivia

Pitosi Mines:

I realise at this point that many of you readers have already read the Jess´s descriptions of Bolivia and are wondering why on earth should you read another account of the same story..only a month too late. The answer..you dont bloody well have to. The only thing that I may be able to offer you..is a couple of anecdotes about the Farley. However she has given me strict instructions that I am only to take the piss 3 times every paragraph. Being an upstanding individual and full of respect for my travel partner..I shall obey her wishes even if it means stepping up dinner conversations putting out silly things she may have done that day. as you can imagine..stuff just seems to happen to the Jess..so i am never short of a joke or two!

So..back to the mines:
I had an absolute fabulous time, as long as I refrained from thinking about the nearest exit..which wasn't so near..nor the closeness of the mine walls..nor the clearly non existent health and safety measures..nor the feeling of impending doom. Okay..exaggerating a little..however by the look on some of the more ´macho´boys faces..and the whimpering coming from Jess..I was not the only one who was thinking the exact same thoughts! Why did I enjoy it so much?was it the fashionable attire that I was wearing..the oh so trendy home DAWG yellow pants that I was wearing...the cool but yet very functional head torch..or was it the feeling that the Doc had kidnapped me in his time machine vehicle and transported me back to the 1800´s where lives were lost in the mines at a rapid rate and tools were still from the stone age! Luckily..only one tourist had died in the mines..and the last death was aeones away..2 weeks to be exact! Yeah..it was unbelievable to witness the conditions they worked under..with only the Gringos to bring them dynamite and coco leaves..and the company of 200 leaves shoved into their mouth to stave off hunger and fatigue! If only we all worked like that! There were some well placed 80m holes at the end of some tunnels...perfect for the ignorant gits who said ´sucks to be you´every time a 16 yr old boy completing his 9hr shift on nothing bu coco leaves, passed by. pitosi itself was nothing to be excited about. Only excitement was having to leave the town at 10pm in order to miss the blockades that the minors were putting up that night..so we weren't stuck in that town for goodness knows how long!

Uyuni: Place of the salt flats!
It was here that we arrived under the shadow of night. I awoke from my slumber...painfully attached to the floor of the freezing cold bus..and stumbled outside desperate for the loo. I was shocked to see that we were in fact in a town. i presumed at this point that our truck driver, alex needed a wee kip and that we would be heading off at some point. i was a little distressed not to see a loo. So i decided that sleep would be the best cure for the situation that i found myself. I awoke a little later with the urge a little stronger and again the mild panic that I may wet myself. (yes..I know...why am I telling you this..I have no idea)!! So i poked Jess a couple of times remembering her commitment to me and that she would indeed accompany me to the loo..I was only doing it for her as the princess has the uncanny ability to consume 2l of water in a very short space of time without a blink of the eye..ive also noticed that the large lump (or hump) on her back is getting a little bigger every day..I fear that she may actually be turning into a camel..and that the water is being stored in her hump!(i say that with bitterness as I can barely look at a glass of water without needing the loo..again..Im sharing a Little too much..but im a giver)!. So out the bus we ventured in pursuit of the ideal location. I surveyed the area and found that in between two cars would be the perfect spot. As we were in mid squat i turned to the side and thought..I wonder what would happen if someone came out that door... and as if the little blighter had read my thoughts..out popped a head..as we were both in full squat position. The Jess had somehow manoeuvred her bum to give him a full view! Man it was funny! However when we awoke in the morning we were told that we were actually parked outside out hotel and that the night porter was actually the one who had spotted us! he never quite looked me in the eye after that!

So..here we were at the salt Flats. I was never quite prepared for how amazing the whole scene would be. We got herded into some 4x4s and taken on an expedition. Fast driving on open bumpy roads..it was brilliant! First stop was the ruins of a couple of trains. More of a photo opportunity than anything else. Still pretty good to see. After that we started the journey into the Flats. first stop was a local town..an place to buy momentous...and chat to a llama. the thing was a little unruly and tended to chase people. The Jess was quite the scaredy cat..especially for one so excited to see this creature. i tried to get a photo with her and the Llama..however she refused to get close enough..so that I now have just a picture of a Llama..and one with Jess by herself looking quite petrified! The best moment was probably when jess..clutching a chocolate bar in her sweaty paw..was accosted by the curious Llama..the video is brilliant..Jess running behind one of the boys..and the llama following..swear these things can smell fear! The second best moment was when a Japanese lady in a shiny pink tracksuit (i mean really..that´s just asking for trouble) started accosting the Llama to get the perfect photo when the brave beast turned around and spat at her..such a classic moment! I learnt a valuable lesson tha day..I shall never wear a shiny pink tracksuit..nor think that a Llama is afraid to spit at bad taste!

After that..we continued..with some cracking tunes belting out of the 4x4 wireless! aqua, blue and the venga boys I think. i was in heaven whilst Jess was spitting hatred at the radio (sometimes she can be so hateful)! Every time the radio stopped I would shout in my best espanol... Por vavor Musica! Think the guide enjoyed watching the gringo in the back bopping along to the very outdated music. The actual site of the salt flats was amazing...the photos are the only way I can describe the event. It was pretty great. Freezing of course..however I had my most precious possession to date..my gringo beanie (see photos). We had lunch at the island on the flats that had some of the oldest cacti..excellent photo´s..where the Jess and I perfected the ´not looking..not looking..looking pose´.. you can tell which ones they are by the pure quality and genius behind them! It turned out to be quite a long day..with a quick visit to the salt hotel before sunset. Again..some brilliant photos after the end of it. I highly recommend this little place...
(Tried to give you a little info there... just in case you were actually expecting this to be a travel blog...not just random thoughts vomited onto a page)!

La Paz:
We arrived in this buzzing metropolis with quite a bang! A big yellow truck belting down narrow streets only to enter the main street and take with it two power lines! was brilliant! All the locals staring at the gringos..whistling and shouting. Like brave people..we turned the truck lights off and closed the curtains..well I did..i had the feeling that we were about to be stoned!! (active imagination that I have). It was here in La Paz where two very exciting things were about to happen. and no..im not talking about the demonstrations to keep La Paz the capitl..and which nearly threatened to keep all Internet cafe´s closed (the shock of this neary sent me into a frenzy)..but rather the opportunity to cycle down the most dangerous highway in the world (death road..so apply named coz buses and cars fall off the side on a regular basis)..and for me to purchase the complete series of friends from dodgy markets! Oh yes..I was one very excited puppy! The Jess remained at home whilst we all set off for this pretty exciting day out (it was a long day..and I wouldnt have wished to be Jess..as the possibility for something to go wrong was pretty high..and no way of making sure that her travel buddy would arrive home in one piece). Anyhoo..we set off with our trusty guides for the mountain. At this point I was staring out the bus window..quietly clenching my jaw and fists..thinking..´where Lyndsey..where did you get this little bit of crazy in your soul´!!It was too late to wimp out..and my superior competitive nature would not let me not do it!! We arrived at the starting point and got ourselves kitted up. Looking oh so hot..we set off. Obviously feeling a little competitive..but also a little scared..i willed myself to go faster! I wasn´t able to work out the gears until about 1hr into the trip..which annoyed me as everyone passed me!( sometimes I am a little slow on the uptake)! I blamed my losing streak on lack of weight to help me on the downhills. To my delight there were a couple of tough hills coming up! yeah..an opportunity to win..except of course no one else was racing..except Ross..the highly competitive guy whom I torture and harass on a regular basis! I must remind you that it was bloody high up..and the air was extremely thin!I pushed myself as far as poss..trying to keep up with Ross..to the point of seeing stars and passing out! I managed to get there third..which I claimed with pride..even if no one else knew that we were racing! After the uphills were completed..we entered the old road..or rather death road. A gravel ´highway´which can only really fit one bus..but actually squeezes two.. (no wonder the geezers fell off the edge)! Now..this is by no means a gentle gradient as you start heading downhill...one stray piece of gravel..and your bike could go anywhere! Trying my utmost to keep the nerves in check..and the visions of me heading into the skyline with no road beneath my wheels..I tried to stay at the front. And i did a great job..until Alex cycled up next to me..and made the flippant comment that the girl ahead of me was making me look bad. Now..those of you who now me..now very well that that comment was like a red flag to a bull! The very next corner I took her on the outside and stayed off the brakes..just as I cleared both her and the corner..one of the guys hit that stray piece of gravel and flew into the wall. I of course needed to hit the brakes in order to check if he was ok..at this point the whole group had stopped to check if Connor was ok...I was just grinding to a halt when i slammed that little bit too hard on the front brake and catapulted over the front of the handle bars! In an instant I had lost all respect and was now sprawled out in the middle of the road..with dirt all over my pants and a piece missing from my hand! refusing to let the embarrassment continue..i hopped up..pulled the glove over my hand..refused treatment from the support vehicle and continued on the road! I left my pride at the top of that road and continued on the road at a reasonable pace (probably a good thing) and only made a bid for the front when I saw a hill approach! When I arrived home..looking somewhat like a dirty mongrel I reported to Jess, like a proud child that I came third on the hill and showed her my battle wounds! She gave me the required amount of sympathy and love until we set off to find my dvd´s! a brilliant day really! Again..totally worth doing this day! The photos are fantastic...and I feel a little bit of superiority for doing it! Unfortunately this story is still repeated at dinner time after a few beers...people take turns giving their take on the incident..and even though I try and explain the intricacies of the breaking system of my bike and how it actually was not my fault but rather a problem with the breaks..laughter just covers up my ramblings!

And that my friends..completes the blog for Bolivia! Sorry for the delay..I presume that you have all being checking your inbox´s for an update from your favourite travel writer! Bolivia is one weird country..the culture is something to gawk at..and the expeditions well worth the extra money!

Love to you all!!! x x (again..most of you..not all)

p.s. Sorry for the delay..my Mum has been bugging me for ages..however..ive been dragging my feet a little!

p.p.s Culling of The Fairies? Jess refuses to buy a belt..and hence is causing mass murder everytime she bends over..her callous response..the blighters need to be culled!!! I mean really..is there no respect left in the world!!

if you dont understand the fairy references by now! Well really...

No photos..sorry!!! will maybe update the blog at a later point!!

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Comments

[Iain Raymond]

Hi Dopey
Jeeez. You cant do anything without screwing up can you Zee. Sounds like your having fun though. This "Culling of the Faries", can I ask how long you have been smoking weed? You go for it girl. You have departed a mere girl, and you will return a mature woman, (Please God). Love ya Iain. xxx