I'm An Englishman Get Me Out of Here!

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Following the fun in the Costa Rican rainforests, we hit Peru and made straight for the Amazon. After flying into Iquitos (the only way in or out) we made our way for ten hours and about 180km along the Amazon and up one its tributaries until we were well and truely lost to the outside, and even half outside, world. For the next five days we explored the surrounding jungle by canoe as it was wet season and the jungle was 5m underwater. The young guides at the camp were from local village and knew both the jungle, the river and their animals and plants inside out. That said, along with some stunning sights there were a few times when it felt we might be up a certain creek without a paddle... so here are my Top Five Jungle Goodies and Baddies.


TOP FIVE AMAZON GOODIES.

1. Has to be the pink dolphin. Yes it is bright pink, due to its diet and, apparently, whether its happy or not. It was remarkable to see for its colour alone, but we then also saw dolphins far up streams that seemed impossibly small for such big creatures. We were told that its unique swivel head allowed it to see in dark small spaces!

2. B/Squadron. Like Gregory Peck in Twelve O'Clock High i would count out at dusk and back in at dawn, the eight bats that nested above our heads. Knowing they spent all night eating as many mosquitos as they could while they flew around us made them firm friends.

3. Thunder and lightning that lit up the surrounding forest and the small opening of sky we had camping next to the river. It's not a rainforest unless it rains! Smells the next morning weren't bad either.

4. Waking up every morning at 5am to the sound of the distant Howler monkeys. It's quite an erie noise but much nicer than an alarm.

5. Returning from canoe trips in the evenings through a bed of fireflies that lit up the river lettuce like a clear night sky.

A special mention has to go to the last four fish that I caught in ten mins to take my tally past the guides after a morning's fishing with line and dough!


TOP FIVE AMAZON BADDIES

1. Without doubt, the mosquitos. We spent one hour on land trekking through the forest and despite being covered head to toe in cream, spray and long sleeve clothing we were bitten over a hundred times easy. At one point i was struggling to swot away a number that were landing simultaneously on my ears, eyelids, nose, lips, chin, forehead. It was grim. They almost seemed predatory and pack like. Needless to say we abandoned our overland jaunt pretty swiftly for the safety of the canoes.

2. Tarantulas. These were big but it was the number and manner that we encountered them that made it hard to convince your brain that they are harmless. The first was on the dusk canoe on the night we arrived. Helen spotted it at the bottom of a low bending branch that brushed the top of our heads as we passed under. The most creepy for me was one, about the size of my face, sat about a foot above the water on the trunk of a tree the locals call Anaconda Castle, that was caught in the beam of our torches as we paddled past. Shudder.

3. Piranhas. Unfortunately we didn't catch any when fishing but there were plenty in the water. In a no laughing matter manner Hel was told not to go in the water under any circumstances because of her time of the month... something to do with Piranha Menstural Sensory (PMS!)

4. Likewise it was a strict no weeing in the water for me and the guides. The parasitic fish that swims up and inside is officially not a jungle myth!

5. I thought it was going to be a straight draw between the scorpion and snake. I didn't stay around long enough to catch the local name of the snake or what it eats after being told that a bite would kill you in two hours, "if you were lucky!!", whereas the scorpion poision could kill you but "you'd have to be very unlucky"!! But the winner of fifth place is the nutter that drove us back in Iquitos... on both sides of the road, no lights, over taking uphill and round blind corners. Give me the jungle anyday!

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Comments

[Dave P]

If only I were funny
You'd have been ok weeing in the water mate - the fish don't come that small. Chortle, chortle - I'm here all week... (Another thing about the UK I bet you don't miss ;) )