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Donkeys
Don't act like the little donkey isn't super cute. I finally ended an unhealthy relationship I’ve been in for a while now. There’s only so long you take all the negativity and the screaming on the phone before you figure out that you deserve better. I’ll miss DirectTV, but I think the pain is part of the process. I’ve introduced the term ‘rere’ as in retard, to Colombia via my students. There’s nothing like hearing one student tell another student “stop being a rere!” to let you know, that somehow, in just a little way, you’re doing some good in the world. Christine, I know that makes you proud. If I was to describe the weather here right now in a single word I’d probably go with mindnumbingwillsappingstrokeinducingridiculousnous. Or hot. I have a kind of weird parent who always shows up at my class carrying a mini pincher. It’s kind of like a chubby, bald, spectacled Paris Hilton and it really creeps me out. The boys of second grade spend every (re)recess working on a complicated dance routine. They even have a bit of an “I’m a great dancer” swagger. It’s hilarious like West Side Story is manly. A guy from Tennessee owns the penthouse of my building. I
Body Builder Matt
This deserved to be published on the web somewhere. Two words. Bulge city. His homoeroticism is only surpassed by his beauty. I make fun, as if there aren't sunga clad Joel pics out there. tried to talk to him but it's hard because he has this thick accent that sounds like he's a Matt McDaniel trained kick boxer who’s been sent into the ring with absolutely no idea how to defend himself and now has mush mouth, standing around slack jawed looking at absolutely nothing most of his waking hours. Apparently everyone in Tennessee talks like that; how anyone communicates there I have no idea. Only a week left of actual teaching before finals. I can tell the school year is coming to a close; the air is thick with rebellion and teacher apathy. I’ve been busy of sorts, but I don’t confuse motion with action, it hasn’t been that productive. The dollar has recently been talking quite a dive, I now make almost 2 grand a month when I used to earn only $1500 or so. Thank you poor economic policies. I bought a fairly nice, obviously tailored blue work shirt over the summer, the problem being that it was obviously tailored for a T-Rex or someone with similarly vestigial arms.* The cuffs are barely within earshot of my wrists. Speaking of vestigial body parts, I have a giant bug bite in the
Death Wish Maid
Her indoor foot is on a chair. And I can't imagine she's getting more than 4 dollars a day. middle of my chest that looks like a third nipple. They use Vicks Vapor Rub to get rid of bug bites here which is kind of nice because rubbing it on my chest makes me feel my age and slightly like Old Spencer, with my bathrobe slightly open at the chest, trying to throw magazines on the bed and constantly missing.** I think my sandwich maker breaks the speed/deliciousness barrier. Some Norwegian scientists are coming to investigate. Norwegians in case you didn't know are the world's speed experts.*** The formation of goose bumps in humans under stress is a vestigial reflex; its purpose in human evolutionary ancestors was to raise the body's hair, making the ancestor appear larger and scaring off predators. The word comes from the phrase vestiges of evolution. You wouldn´t think the little staple that holds the tea bag label to the string would be enough to break a microwave. You’d be wrong though, wrong in rather spectacular, smoky, sparky fashion. I know I may be culturally predisposed to liking it, but even here in the land of never ending tropical fruit, there’s not much like a good watermelon. Sorry this isn’t more exciting, I haven’t been doing much except working. I’ll try and either do something thrilling before I write the next one, or invent an attempted kidnapping.
Current music Green Grass of Tunnel - Mum, it’s really good, it was on a commercial for the Latin American version of eBay (mercadolibre).
Current task Writing Finals
Currant Small, sweet, seedless type of grape from the Ionian island of Zyknthos.
Current Nickname Mr. Mono (That could mean Mr. Blond Hair, or Mr. Monkey, but as they explicitly call the 5th grade teacher Mr. Monkey I’ll assume it’s the former).
Current hilarious Spanish phrase A la verga, which translates literally as “to the dick.” It means awesome, as in, This party´s to the dick!
Red Gold and Green, Red Gold and Greee-e-e-eeeen,
~Tyrone
I learned a lot from the stories my uncle, aunts, and grandparents told me: that no one is perfect but most people are good; that people can't be judged only by their worst or weakest moments; that harsh judgments make hypocrites of us all; that a lot of life is just showing up and hanging on; that laughter is often the best, and sometimes only response to pain. ~ My Life, Bill Clinton
Clementine: This is it, Joel. It's going to be gone soon.
Joel: I know.
Clementine: What do we do?
Joel: Enjoy it. ~ Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
When I first saw you I thought you were some kind of bodybuilder who strayed from his gym... ~Terra Branford, Final Fantasy VI (III in the U.S.) I don’t know how many Final Fantasy lovin’ chicks have used this line on me.
* A quick note on T-Rex arms, they are not vestigial but instead show large areas for muscle attachment, indicating considerable strength. This was recognized as early as 1906 when it was speculated that the forelimbs may have been used to grasp a mate during copulation. Don’t worry, I have incorporated this into the dance.
** This is a pretty random, overly subtle Catcher in the Rye reference. If you caught it without this footnote, you are in the high probability percentile concerning your chances of becoming a serial killer. In the book Old Spencer actually uses and smells of Vicks Nose Drops.
***Norwegians were the first to discover that black people have an extra muscle in their legs.
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Jeni
non-member comment
awesome
Don't think that I won't be using "This party´s to the dick" every chance i get... and i might throw it in even when it does't belong there to make people think i have tourettes. P.S. I clean my windows like that, but i prefer to have sam in a backpack on my shoulders. I'm trying to break her of her fear of heights. We're making progess everyday.