It's been over two months since I last updated. Partially because I finally hit a somewhat normal routine and because this is my third time in Buenos Aires,Yes, I repeat my third time! When individuals question my logic for returning to this beautiful city AGAIN, I have often been left without a explanation that truthfully justifies the impact it has had and continues to have on my life.
I have found that the best approach in explaining is by striking people on a more intimate level, with that said, my closest response is this: Remember when you fell in love for the first time, it provoked sides of you that you never knew once existed. Gravity starts to pull you in new directions, new powers hit you and all the walls that surrounded you before, have been demolished, and the concept of freedom is finally real. Everything suddenly begins to function the way it should in your world, but then, you start to see that this love that you've been craving suddenly creates new shifts. This is when you realize that you have begun walking in circles and all you can focus on is that love that you have
Although we put up the fight of our lives, we are eventually forced to choose one of two roads. Some of us find that our first love that gave us so much power and liberty, also sacrificed everything outside of that love. Unfortunately some of us find that, even with every single fight we have inside of us, its not enough to hold on. We lose ourselves temporarily in the world consumed with love, and in order to get out, the love we found is what we must ultimately leave behind. Many of us lose our first love because the pieces of the puzzle stop fitting, but we NEVER forget it. This is one that gives us the tools to discern our future. Because this is the love, that showed us new places.
As for myself, the course of my life has never been what we would call completely natural. Instead of falling in love with a person, Buenos Aires/Argentina was my first love. I stepped out of my world and crossed over to the Paris of South America. The city withheld a dynamic of which was completely foreign and unexpected. The people and the
construction of this city are a melting pot of cultures. Energy runs through the streets at all hours. It wasn't just the surface of Buenos Aires that captivated my heart, it was more than the beautiful people, language and history. It was the fact that for the first time, I could finally breathe. From this moment on I started to see and smell and feel in ways that weren't tangible before.
I was always motivated in my life, I worked hard and it was always for something, I just wasn't always sure for what. After digging my footsteps into the soil of this country, I was poisoned by the passion and gained purpose. I never expected my first love to be a city or a country for that matter. With that said, I always had this sense inside of me that didn't belong, as if I were born in the wrong country, because here in this country, I finally belong. Here, I am the person that was hidden for 24 years, here I have the desire to search, the desire to cry, the desire to learn and most importantly, the desire to feel.
I say that many lose
their first love because we lose control and need to touch ground again. However we need the determination we learned from that love to open up and dissect our future. We need those feelings and that force to help delegate our personal decisions. Every time I leave this country my heart sinks deeper and deeper. I leave a big part of the person I am and am left at a loss on my returns home. It's a loss that I never truly recover from. The fact is, I find a lot of happiness at home too, but I want the opportunity to mold the dividing line into one. I find myself leaving my first love because although it corrects my personal world, it doesn't fit into my world at home. Without a doubt I can anticipate that the fight of my life will be the division of this country from my world at home and where my true place of stability lies. Your first love comes with unexpected intensities, but prepares you to gain control the next time your universe begins to spin. For now, i've adapted to the idea that eventually I have to leave my heart back here
again, because I now understand that at times, we have to protect ourselves and leave the closest things behind. I have to trust that the pieces of the puzzle will at some point unfold in the hands of time, and eventually the answers will surface..
After all, true love will always be waiting for you
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