Is it fall?

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Today is like a full-on fall day - windy, clouds with spots of sunshine. Last night's watch was pretty fun. We had a deck surfing competition, told ghost stories. There were high seas and wind so we pulled lookout back ot the bridge. One swell hit the hull so hard we felt the vibration back on the quarter deck. Cody came running out of the salon for a look. His bunk is right against the part that got it worst. Lots of people got doused yesterday. Man ropes were rigged at midships and the quarter deck and 1 day away from full moon showed brightly. This morning I had first helm and 3rd lookout with a moderate amount of sail handling and no ship's work which meant lots of hanging out on the quarter deck, surfing and flying paper airplanes into the gusty wind. We also set the spanker, loosed and set upper main tops'l, mizen stays'l and the main t'gallant stays'l and sweated up halyard. The temp was 68F with wind chill and the wind started at 20-25 knots and then layed down to 12-15 knots. But i think it's picking up again. My cheeks are burnign right now I think from the wind.
...after midnight after watch:
had a good sleep after lunch - didn't sleep so well last night withthe rolls - had 4 pm stretches on the hatch and hung out in the focs'le with Nadja, Mer, Davey, Paul, snuggled with Bronwen in her bunk and worked on my sea bag. Tonight's watch went by fast with good conversation, 2nd helm. But going up to stow the fore lower tops'l was awkward in my foul weather gear and boots, felt like I was doing it in someonelse's body - couldn't feel anything thru my boots and couldn't see as well. 1 week from now I'll be in nyc - crazy. Tonight's QD questions were: who are the top 3 people you are most looking forward to seeing upon your return? What's the #1 activity you are most looking forward to doing? What's the #1 restaurant/meal you are most looking forward to having upon your return? We continue to motor with all square sails stowed and only fore-aft up - ho-hum.
Atlhoough, in some ways I am looking forward to the next whatever in life - I'm of course just now feeling at a good spot here in regards to comfort on board in finding my place and letting myself be myself with the skills and things I've learned. Looking back, I've learned and done a lot: races to royals to stow, making fast tops'l halyards, helm, small stuff like mousings, seizings, whippings, splices, general sail handling. And maybe I thought I would deal with some of my "stuff" on board. But, I feel like I was more acquainted with all the goofy sides of me. Now, my fear of f'g up holds me back from putting myself out there for new jobs, tasks, experiences or the general feeling of yuckiness when doing a job i know is not right nor good or is wrong but do it anyway because that's all i got. On the positivie side, I've learned that i can do or make anything i want as one does on board. It may not be right or not ideal but, people's ingenuity, resourcefulness, problem solving skills in making stuff with their own hands is admirable, impressive ad catching; pitch in to help out, clean things, don't fill evenings with useless TV/computer, there are plenty of projects I can do to keep me busy in the evenings now that I've learned to sew canvas and leather, work with rope, etc.

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