Advertisement
Published: August 28th 2007
Edit Blog Post
Rosie & Matuakeke Tanekane
Thats Maori for Uncle Duncan you fools. Can’t Believe I Missed Me Footy After Only 72 Hours Travelling
Okay, so nearer to 32 hours, but I had crossed the International Date Line, so it wasn’t that far off. I was held up at Auckland airport for 9 hours, during which time I’d made about 6 shuttle runs between the Qantas and Air New Zealand ticket counters to see who was going to pay for the flight that I’d now missed (they were fairly unanimous - so I reached into my wallet for my credit card). Auckland airport was about as lively as a Bobby Sands dinner plate, but that didn’t stop me from eating away my sorrows in a bucket of Sushi, courtesy of a Qantas meal voucher (who needs free flights when you’ve got free food). I managed to pass the rest of the day with my head deeply embedded in another Harlan Coben novel, before finally arriving at Dunedin.
Katy and Rosie Focker (I think they prefer to be called Falcous, but this is my blog not theirs) greeted me with a shower of hugs and kisses - so embarrassing. Remarkably, despite a 10-minute lay over in Christchurch both my bags had made it
98 Saplings of Pine on the hill, 98 Saplings of Pine...
If one of those pines should happen to spill there'd be 97 saplings of pine on the hill... to Dunny and most importantly my surfboard was in one piece.
Day 2 - Sunday, the Day of Rest
Mark woke me at about 8am with a cup of tea (what a darling) and a light whipping with some twine (how sweet), ordered me to put on some chaps (“trousers are optional,” he said) and get my lumberjack butt down to the back paddock. Happy days. We beasted away at the Gorse for a few hours - totally missed our mid-morning snack, but arrived back at the house in time for Salmon sandwiches. The afternoon followed the same form, though I took a little time out from planting to tend to my… in fact everyman’s pyromania, by stoking the gorse fire. The wife had prepared some tender venison steak for dinner (hey, even a vegetarian has to keep his protein count high after a day on the farm). Stato Falcous tells me I should inform you that we planted about 150 trees on the first day. Joy, only another 500 to go!
Day 3 - Monday, a New Week Begins
Groundhog day - Mark woke me at about 8am with a cup of tea (what a
Mark Cowboy Falcous
"What?... I always stand like this when I'm staking out a job!" darling) and a light whipping with some twine and ordered me to put on some chaps, etc, etc .... We cracked on in the morning and double planted (the saplings were supposed to be 2.5 metres apart - or ‘Shaquille O’Neal’ as I kept reminding Mark when he got over excited and started planting ‘Spud Webbs’). Leftover Thai curry for lunch and Cowboy hotpot for dinner. I dreaded to think what should follow the cowboy hotpot, given Mark’s admiration of me in my chaps, and I'm not talking about a gut full of wind, but whatever Mark had in mind I seemed to have dodged that bullet. Right until about 2am when I crept out of bed to the bathroom to say a few prayers to the porcelain gods above. After several references to “Ralph” I think my eyes were bleeding, but I was content in the fact I wouldn’t need an ab’ workout tomorrow.
Day 4 - Tuesday, the Day the Poison Took Effect
"Just a light easy day today Muskhound" said Mark.
"Thanks buddy," I replied, wondering whether I should strangle him now, or perhaps try something a little subtler like FOOD POISONING.
"Hey, you were
making a bit of noise in the night Musk - everything ok?'
"What you mean besides the food poisoning you gave me?" Hunky-dory my friend. "Yeah spent most of the night on the crapper, sometimes i prefer to sleep there. You never had that Mark?"
"Have you been throwing up?" asks Mark.
Sherlock Falcous has entered the building. I refrained from responding with a barrage of expletives, though the inside of my head was like Gordon Ramsay’s kitchen.
“I'll be going back to bed now. Good luck on the Farm today Dr Focker. Be careful you don’t trip over that precariously placed pitch fork, eh, wont ya.”
Mark also decided to take the day off, and rocked into work (the real job) at around midday, to give a 2-hour lecture and then return home. Prima Donna. I meanwhile was tucked under the covers, shivering like Jack Frost’s nuts.
Day 5 - Wednesday, Back on the Farm
After planting another few hundred saplings in the morning - we took to ‘Gorse Patrol’ in the afternoon. Mark entertained me with musical gags along the lines of “when there’s something wrong in your neighbourhood, who you gonna call? - Gorse Busters!”
I’m not sure if I wet myself through laughter or simply to take the attention away from Mark. Regardless, at this point I was happy to be wearing the chaps.
After a few hours of playing Dan Akyroyd & Bill Murray we littered the bank with around 200 saplings and finally I felt purged of my environmental guilt. Despite circumnavigating the planet to be here, with a carbon footprint worthy of Robert Pershing Wadlow, my carbon offsetting was complete. Happy days.
Until next time…
Advertisement
Tot: 0.063s; Tpl: 0.011s; cc: 11; qc: 26; dbt: 0.0224s; 1; m:domysql w:travelblog (10.17.0.13); sld: 1;
; mem: 1mb