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Published: October 21st 2009
Checking for Early Signs of BB
In the background is the Wairoa River. It was murky but I figured if things came to the worst I could plunge in to cool certain parts of the anatomy.
Dear Lance (not his real name),
Afer a few days on the road, I figured perhaps it was time to drop you a line to update you about my travels and let you know how I am getting on - and in particular that part of my anatomy that we discussed a few weeks ago.
I'm sure you remember the conversation but if you've forgotten, it took place it the newsroom when you took me aside and explained how, many years ago, you cycled from Invercargill to Dunedin.
Glancing over your shoulder to check that no-one could overhear, you said that during the ride you'd got the usual aches and pains, especially a sore backside. You dropped your voice to a conspiratorial whisper and went on. Excuse my language but I'm only repeating you here, you said you got a bad case of numb nuts which eventually turned into blistered balls. The pain you said, was horrific and the blisters took days to heal after you'd stop riding.
The story sent a shiver to my very core, even though you told it with a degree of levity and even suggested there might be a fortune to
A Modern Mountain Bike Saddle
Imagine it with the front cut off, and two shallow dishes installed to cup certain parts of the male anatomy.
be made by an enterprising cycle seat manufacturer who could come up with the perfect bloke's bike seat. You reckoned the answer might be one in which the front was cut off, and replaced by two shallow dishes designed to gently support that part of the male anatomy which we had been discussing.
Despite your attempt at levity, your obvious discomfort at even the memory of the event sent a shiver to my very core. I couldn't stop thinking about it - not so much the details of your personal circumstances, but more my own concerns about what lay ahead.
So the next day I paid a visit to my local cycle shop. There on a shelf at groin level was a bewildering display of potions in little plastic tubs - to ease chaffing, relieve the pain of aching muscles and so on. Inevitably a shop assistant (fortunately he was male) arrived before I had time to make my selection. I explained to him as delicately as I could what I was looking for. His hand shot out and he grasped a blue and white tub and said,"this is the only one, perfect for the job. You'll need
Not a Blister to be Seen
Pins and needles in my fingers. They get so numb I can't feel the gear shift levers.
the big tub if you're cycling around the country".
I handed him $20 and he handed me the tub of Keywin race proven anti chaffing cream. I clutched it on the way home, knowing it might be my only defence against a bad case of blistered balls.
Lance, I'm now a week into my trip and I can report you you that I do have a problem. It's in my fingers and thumbs. They get pins and needles and then they go numb - so numb I can't feel the gear shift levers.
But of that other region, things are ok. Sure I'm getting a bit of a sore backside and everything's a bit hot and bothered at times. But no problem.
I'm not sure what conclusion to draw from this. Either I've got tough nuts or you had a lousy seat. Either way, so far so good. I'll keep you posted.
PS: If you take up cycling again, you can have my anti-chaffing cream as I don't seem to have a use for it.
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