where it stands at the moment

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after thinking for a few days on what i believe i should do or shouldnt do i realised that yes if need be there is a way out. i do feel trapped with the pressures of being finacially strung out and weak from the constant mind battles of working it out in my head. i do wish to come home but i think that the way im thinking...this would be the easiest way out. the responsible side always gets to me now that i have matured a bit and know that if i have the cash at hand i can come home easily and not be a drain on the family. i came out here for a reason. i still dont know the reason why but i do know that i came out here for 6 months. the most discouraging part of it all is that i havent figured out why im here. i guess in a sense australia is not all what i expected it to be. yes people have accents, yes people drive on the other side of the road and yes...i am completely on the other side of the world! its nothing like youd see on tv. it is not a culture shock and there arent a ton of wild animals. the biggest problem i have is i had all these expectations of australia and ive kind of been dissapointed by what i have seen. so the last few days i have been thinking and after i talked to mom/dad i thought "do i really want to take the easy way out and go home?" i do want to go home, but i dont want to do it without knowing why im here and taking the fast way out. it would be great to come home for christmas and see everyone.. i think the biggest struggle i have here is not only financially im just getting by now...but lets face it.... bringing 4500 dollars to australia could only get me so far. the fact that i will have half the amount of money i brought into the country and being over halfway done my trip yet still seeing a ton of things.. i think i have done well for myself. so that is something i can be happy about. i need to get out of the big city. sydney has over 4 million people, brisbane has over 2.5 million people, adelaide just over 1.3 million and melbourne over 3.5 ish million people! i think the gold coast is perfect for me. i dont want to be in big city life. i want to experience australia...i could go to any big city just for the thrill of saying that ive been there. its old news now.....so what i think im going to do...is this...i will continue to live in australia for the time being and fly out when im supposed to fly out. i know it will be hard...but i know it will better me in the end. what should i do? thinking constantly how i can do this with being happy and enjoying my trip...i actually have been planning to go camping in byron bay...just south of gold coast and a few hours from sydney. i actually met a really cool friend from findland that has been hanging around me since my korean friend left. i threw the idea out there and it seems like thats the same experience they want to do aswell. now camping isnt that tough...its cheap and i think i can get away and really reflect on my time here and my future back home. so my flight leaves melbourne on the 3rd of december and i will be in gold coast as of dec 5th. from the time that i intended on coming home for christmas... dec 22nd to when i actually leave there is maybe 5 weeks difference which really isnt alot. so from the cost of me camping...and the cost of changing my flight...i should still come home with relatively the same amount of money....give or take a few hundred. i do know that this is a decision that i must make..and not change my mind because the cost of the flight will only go up if i change my mind...so basically i cant change my mind. i will be in contact on thursday to tell you that my plans havent changed...and until then..i guess i will just keep doing what im doing...work work work... love you all.

take care..

blair

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