announcement

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i came to australia to figure myself out. what i want as a future and who i am. to date since i have been out in australia....i feel like i have achieved what i wanted to do. i have learned as much as i can about myself only to figure out how much of a negative person i am. my goals are only temporary and never useful to my future rather than a benefit to the moment. there is so much i would love to do in australia but i put myself into a rutt fast. soon after i landed in sydney i had my mind set...save money and work..enjoy my trip day by day. that worked for about 3 weeks. after talking to many different travellers i found that there is two types of people travelling. people that plan their trip and see australia or the people (like me) spend funds without thinking and then playing catch up. it is such a dissapointment. the last month i have been more depressed than i think i ever have in my lifetime. i am completely broke living paycheck to paycheck. looking at my calender and trying to save my money and be excited to finally leave melbourne. but i cant. money is a hard thing to come by in australia. making enough funds to travel is one thing but to enjoy the time im out here is hard to do when i have spent more than 2 months (nearly half my trip) stuck in a massive city of nearly 4 million. its like living in downtown vancouver or toronto with the money in your pocket and thats it. i was smart with my money before i left but now..its impossible. i will work for a week and get paid...pay for my 150/week rent, food and transit only to keep working to prevent myself from losing a place to sleep at night and have food in my stomache. since thats all i can really do...i have no time to meet people or enjoy my trip. i have booked my flight to sydney and then gold coast (population : 300,000) but now my credit card is maxed (from all my transit booked since ive been here) i was planning on changing my flight details to come home dec 22nd to surprise everyone (no surprise anymore) but i cant even do that because i cant transfer money into my "emergency card". im just stuck. i want out. i have enjoyed my trip but i have been more depressed and worried than enjoying it. i think i want to come home. i feel like a dissapointment to the family. i have no goals and all i do is the wrong thing. i have no career as a football star and i dont own a house, a car and have a job. im the dead weight that asks for money. i work for 3 more weeks at my job with guarenteed 2 weeks of fulltime work which works out to 544/week after taxes. my paycheck is 750 for next thursday and since i finished the contract i will get about 400 dollar bonus. so adding it all up ill probably leave melbourne with 2000 dollars. once i leave ill be happy but it will only stress me out more. i cant even explain how tired and restless i am thinking over and over and over again what i am going to do with my situation to get by for the week, my trip and coming home. its hopeless. the amount of stress i am under is making me sick. no matter what i think of....my financial situation is in the back of my head. i just want to start my life and look ahead to a more stable future rather than living like this. i want to come home and get a good job...move out on my own (my friend in calgary asked if i want to move in with them) and hopefully start my life, save money...get a car and be successful like beck and zach. i contacted united airlines and it will cost me 250 dollars to change my flight details to dec 22nd but i dont know if time has past and i dont know how i can do it without my credit card. i figure if i come home around that time i will not only have some cash to get myself situated but i will have more than enough time to get comfortable with the time of year and hopefully cheer up a bit and look for a job. i am sorry i have been a failure. i hope to see everyone soon. i can tell you that i am extremely burnt right now and i can only tell you that i will be more burnt by the time i get home. i have lots of pictures of me and the many many great friends i have made and some scenic pictures aswell. please no one stress over me. i just have to vent and let everyone know that i am ready to come home. next time i go on a trip it will be 3 months max. there is positive things im sure i have learned. i unfortunately havent quit smoking. but i still have time to atleast succeed on one thing! i miss you all
xox blair

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