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Published: August 11th 2008
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Introducing Jerry the Jerky Giraffe
With all this talk of lasts I wanted to have at least one first on this post. So here it is the first photo of Wingnut and his tour mascot Jerry the Jerky Giraffe. I expect you will see a lot of him throughout the photos of the trip so count yourself lucky that you got to see him before he was famous! Its been the last times that have been getting me. It has been 150 days, well a lot longer than that but, 150 days since I started counting down and now I find myself with no more days to count. I will be boarding my plane in 15 hours time. Although I wrote about most of what lead me up to taking the trip and how I went about it in my last blog post I felt like I should write another before I left. The reason I felt so compelled to do so is that what I have felt since writing my last post leading up to now has been so profoundly different that I didn't think my last posted adequately described what I have been experiencing as the preparation for my trip came down to its finer details.
I think the majority of the reason that it all felt so different is that I have basically been taking this trip with a "Don't bore me with details and check out the big picture" attitude which ultimately could only last until the details just weren't going to get worked out unless I worked them out myself. I found myself doing all the things that I would work out later but of course "later" was always some time floating in space and all of a sudden I found myself in that space which was a little surreal.
I think this highlighted something in myself that I am not really sure how to interpret. I found that working out these details really got on top of me to the point where I just plain was not excited about going on my trip. It just felt far too much like work to get everything off the ground and the only thing that could get me fired up (finally) was talking to T (one of my tour mates) only a couple of minutes ago. Of course the chat we had involved the big picture again which cheered me up. Really I think the overwhelming feeling I had could mean one of two things 1. Nothing. I am planning for a massive trip and anyone would feel like this or 2. I am definitely not interested in details so perhaps I am a "tour traveler" i.e. I would much rather let someone else work it out than have to do it myself. I suppose either way I have plenty of time to work that out.
The other thing that really has had me on my heels over the last couple of weeks is doing all my lasts. The last time I would walk out of my unit in Bendigo, so much of the definition of the life that I am leading now has been brought to fruition by events that have happened while I have lived under that roof that I have found it really difficult to let that go, as gay it sounds. My last night out in Bendigo, but not for the reasons you might think. My last night, or really I should say nights because I had 2, outlined two things for me. It outlined how valuable the mates I have made in Bendigo are in what they each did to help make my 80 odd years on the planet a little more pleasant but of course that love was always there and was definitely felt during the drink I had with them at home. The fact staring me in the face however was how long ago Bendigo had stopped adding the same value to my life as the people who populated it. It made me feel good to have it thrown in my face that it was time to move on because it made the last time I would say goodbye to my mates easier in that my mates are portable, I will see them again but it doesn't have to be in Bendigo.
Saying goodbye to my mates was always going to be the hardest. Not to say that they were less significant but I would say Milsey and SJ's goodbyes where the easiest. Once again all the boys were difficult but there was no outside pressures surrounding these farewells, both those boys and I have always had a very outward, 'wear your heart on your sleeve' way of dealing with each other that made it easier to say what we needed to when it come down to crunch time. The first difficult one was Budgie, don't tell him and if you are reading this mate stop, but I love prick just as much as the other boys. We both just spent so much time posturing and one upping each other, not in a mean way that is just the way we had fun together, that when it came down to goodbyes I could see it in his eyes he was thinking the same thing. "Well shit.....c%*#'s not comin back is he" and there was just no choice but to let all the shit that we usually talk to each other melt away and say goodbye. I still feel weird just writing about it.
The other weird one was Nemo. He and Albertine gave me a send off after the Melbourne gathering at an alternative club (i.e. a club that plays alternative music) I was as happy as a pig in mud and as much fun as we had all night I couldn't stop myself flashing back to the reality that between him and I it really is the end of an era. The Wingmo household is dead, there's no other way to put it and it sucks because it was the most fun I have had since being at the Halls in 05, guess it couldn't have lasted forever but it still sucks that it didn't.
It was also tough playing kick to kick with my little cousins, shooting the shit with Debbie and Scott, Talking about the trip with Nan and Pa, and joking around with Ainslee and Greg at my farewell here in Melbourne, I have a big extended family but I have no trouble keeping all of them close to my heart and I am not going to big man it up and say I didn't get choked up saying a final Catch ya to them. Obviously my immediate family is going to be the hardest but that is a hurdle I will jump tomorrow, lets not talk about that.
I know its not forever, judging from what I have written above you might think that I think it is, but with the length of this trip it is easy to let it feel like I'm not coming back. I said it about the last post but I really put this down for myself so that if I am ever thinking of not coming home I can come and remind myself why I must. For now I'm am very tired and have a big day tomorrow so I am just going to shut down my computer for last time and go have my last sleep in my bed.
Love
Wingnut
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bella
non-member comment
:(
Hurry up - one year. I am so proud of you, that you have the guts to do this on your own, but at the same time, I wish I was there - I don't know what its going to be like without you for a whole year. I know its like Bendigo, but atleast I got to see you every now and again. I hope you have an amazing time! We all miss you already! I love you. Love Bella x