Australia 4/01/10 - 25/01/10

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Now, when you’re the furthest away from your home that you’ve ever been in your life the last thing you expect to see is your home. Well, it happened…kinda.
As we got settled into our seats on the Airbus A380 (the largest commercial aircraft in the world may I add), I was perusing the in flight entertainment options. Everybodys seat has a screen which they can use to watch a selection of films and tv programmes and listen to music from the planes database. I was flickin through the “Travel” section of the TV programmes when I saw Islands of Britain with Martin Clunes as an option. I selected it and there it was: The Shetland Isles. How delightful, so I sat and watched it. Jon Pulley if you’re reading this you made a cameo. You did great by the way. Nice stick holding.
The flight flew by, and Quantas know how to feed their customers. “2 in flight meals sir?”, yes please. “Banana sir?”, why not. “Ice cream sir?”, go on then. “Hot chocolate with marshmallows sir?”, dontmandifadoo. I hate saying no to free food, but I ended up having to say the dreaded “No thanks, im fine” a couple of times.

We arrived in Sydney quite late but we’d arranged to meet a few folk Dave went to camp with in the summer, so we swiftly got to our hostel, had a shower and headed out to meet them. When we got off the subway at Circular Quay, we instantly found ourselves smack bang in the centre of the city with the opera house and the Sydney bridge right infront of us. This was sightseeing efficiency at its best! We’d only been in the country for about an hour and we’d already ticked off 2 must-sees. With a start like this, the 2 days we had here would seem like an age! So we met up with Lindsey, Kellyy and Stobbs and went for a pint and a game of pool and took a wander around the Victoria area if town before heading back to the Blue Chilli hostel, to sleep off all the food wed eaten. Next morning we headed straight to Bondi beach to meet up with them again. We found a spot on the busy beach and managed to find a spot against the wall to play a game of headers and volleys. The climate was a lot cooler than in Asia and with the clouds overhead it almost felt a bit chilly at times. Before we left me and Craig decided to go and chill off in the sea. We got in to about halfway up our calves. It was baltic. Compared to the waters around Asia, here it felt like goin for a dip aff Torvald's Geo! Thankfully wed be heading back up to tropical waters soon.
That night we met up again and went for some ostrich, emu and crocodile pizzas. Deelish. James managed to get his friend Debbie from Belfast to join us afterwards. We went for a pint of fancy German beer in an Oktoberfest themed bar before heading to an Irish pub for the remainder of the night. So far, due to James’ insistence on not setting foot inside such an establishment, wed managed to stay away. But less than 3 months in and he’d failed and given in to the call of Paddy Maguire.

One thing I noticed that night was the ridiculous number of essy kerts knockin about. I swear I saw about 20 that night. I almost felt it was my moral obligation to run outside and give them a hand.

Day 2 in Sydney we headed down to the Harbour Front. Craig had a bit of a cold so he lay vegitating in his bed instead. The rest of us took a wander round the Opera House and looked over at the bridge. It was a cracking day and the suncream was well needed and applied. In the afternoon we took the boat over to Manly for a look. We headed straight for the beach and were greeted with the most amazing selection of females wed ever seen. I personally didn’t know where to look and thankfully my shades were on hand (on face) to conceal any lingering glances. We found a spot at the quiet end of the beach and failed miserably at kicking an inflatable beach ball around. It was far too windy, and we ended up burying it instead. Manly was a nice place. A lot more relaxed than the city but still very close by.
After grabbing a bite to eat we got the boat back and took a walk around the harbour beside the Aquarium. We thought about going in but like everything here it was very expensive and it wasn’t open for much longer. So it was back to the hostel for an early night, we were flying up to Cairns the next day.

We arrived at our Cairns hostel and were greeted by the owner, a broad Glaswegian who had moved out there a few years ago. We gave him the chat and he gave us a free upgrade to an air conditioned room. We were very grateful as the mercury sit’s a fair few notches higher in the north than it does in the south. Spent the rest of the day doing my washing. My microfibre towel was starting to smell like it had been left to fester in a vat of vinegar and cheese for a week.
I was thinking about learning to dive here and doing my PADI, but a combination of time constraints and the contraction of a mild cold (how this happened in 32’C heat I will never know), made it unfeasible.
The majority of our second day in Cairns was spent deciding what we were going to do for the next 3 weeks and how we were going to get to Brisbane to catch our flight to Fiji.
Gloria, the old lady at the reception took us through about a million options we could choose from. We could barely get a word in edgewise so we decided to take a handful of leaflets and plan it ourselves. In the end we opted to hire a car for 10 days as it was a lot cheaper than all of us getting an individual bus ticket. We also booked a 3 day, 2 night trip around the Whitsunday Islands. We opted out of booking a Fraser Island trip as it was too expensive a commitment to make. We could always book it at a later date. And for the following day we booked a day trip out to snorkel the Great Barrier Reef. There weren’t enough spaces on the trip we wanted but we got a free upgrade to a better boat that went to a better area.

Following morning we were up bright and early to board the catamaran. We were headed for Michaelmas Cay.
When we arrived at the site the first thing we did was take a trip in a boat that had an underwater viewing area that the passengers sat in. It was unbelievable. It’s a completely different world. We floated past massive coral fields, covered in bright coral, saw a crazy amount of fish, but the pick of the bunch was the green turtles that swam by. We saw about half a dozen on our short ride around.
After lunch we donned the super sexy stinger suits (designed to protect us from lethal jellyfish, not just to make us look like prats) and were let loose on the coral. Although we did it a fair bit in Thailand its something I don’t something il ever get bored of doing. Every time we go I see something new. The best spot this time was a blue spotted ray that floated by before it hid between a couple of rocks. Some of the Americans that were on our boat said they saw a reef shark. We searched round for a bit but to no avail.
After getting our wrinkled prune-feet back on board we had to head back. Me, Luke and James enjoyed a complimentary glass of champagne at the bow and laughed at unsuspecting people get soaked as the waves sprayed up between the 2 hulls. We arrived back very satisfied with the days excursion. Australia was looking good. Expensive, but good.

We had a couple of days in Cairns before we headed down the coast. If your not diving or snorkelling theres not a great deal to do so we spent most of our time at the lagoon. Theres no beach in the area so everyone congregates there. We had a 5-asides game with some Dutch guys before having a much needed cool off in the pool. That afternoon we broke our keepie-up record and I smashed my handstand record. Dad, I remember you once said you would give me a tenner if I held one for over 30 seconds. I trust the money will appear in my account in the very near future.
That night as the sun went down over the lagoon we saw the bats head out for the night. At first there were a few dozen flying overhead, meandering through the sky. The flow steadily increased until there were literally tens of thousands of the things all following each other. It was like something from Planet Earth. I half expected David Attenborough to surface beside us and give us the low-down.

On the 11th it was time to start our 1681km road trip down the East Coast to Brisbane. Our first stop on the way would be Airlie Beach to do the Whitsunday Islands trip. James took the wheel first and handed it over to me when we were halfway there. It was the easiest driving in the world. The Bruce Highway goes along the coast all the way down and the trip to Airlie passed without incident…nearly.
The one memorable event of the first leg came when we were following a 4x4 towing a fast food van thingy. From underneath it fell a small metal pin a couple of inches long. It bounced along the road towards us and rattled under our car for a couple of seconds. I slowed down a bit but it wasnt soon enough. Following the pin came a big fat windscreen-seeking beast of a bolt. It bounced off the road infront of us and before i could let out an obscene yelp of fear we drove straight into it at 100km/h. It gave the screen a smack and it sounded like someone had shot a pistol in the car. Luckily it only left the tiniest of marks....our underpants weren't quite so fortunate.
I hung back a good 100m till it turned down some side road.
Other things we noticed is that the Aussies like thier "Safe Driving" signs. Every couple of hundres metres there was a big bill board saying "Stop, Revive, Survive", "Slow Down Stupid!" or my personal favourite "A Gingers Best Friend". Sorry...no...that was the one we saw for suncream, my mistake.


We had a couple of days in Cairns before we headed down the coast. If your not diving or snorkelling theres not a great deal to do so we spent most of our time at the lagoon. Theres no beach in the area so everyone congregates there. We had a 5-asides game with some Dutch guys before having a much needed cool off in the pool. That afternoon we broke our keepie-up record and I smashed my handstand record. Dad, I remember you once said you would give me a tenner if I held one for over 30 seconds. I trust the money will appear in my account in the very near future.
That night as the sun went down over the lagoon we saw the bats head out for the night. At first there were a few dozen flying overhead, meandering through the sky. The flow steadily increased until there were literally tens of thousands of the things all following each other. It was like something from Planet Earth. I half expected David Attenborough to surface beside us and give us the low-down.
On the 11th it was time to start our 1681km road trip down the East Coast to Brisbane. Our first stop on the way would be Airlie Beach to do the WhitSunday Islands trip. James took the wheel first and handed it over to me when we were halfway there. It was the easiest driving in the world. The Bruce Highway goes along the coast all the way down and the trip to Airlie passed without incident…nearly.


We stayed in Airlie for a night as our trip was leaving the next day. In the morning we lay by the lagoon as our boat was leaving at 2pm. When the time came we headed to the marina, met the other 30 or so people that would be travelling on the New Horizon with us, boarded and set sail. As the captain led us off out to the Whitsundays, we sat on deck and made some new friennds. The ones we got on best with for the next coiuple of days were Donna, a teacher who stayed in Melbourne, her friend Denise, Vicky and Kate from England, Master Mark Mast, and a guy called Damian. That night we arrived at our sop, watched the sunset, had our food India the ccok had made for us, sipped a beer and went to bed.
Day 2 was en early starter. Up at the back of 7, we had breakfast and jut shuttled passed swimming turtles to the island. We made our way through a trail to the viewing platform where we could look out over the bay to get a couple of snaps. We then headed back down the path and emerged onto Whitehaven Beach. The sand was white and the sea was crystal clear, a beautiful spot. We waded about in the water with our stinger suits on. As the tide was coming in these small yellowish sharks about a foot or 2 came and swam up to us. They were pretty hard to see in the water but very cool nonetheless. A couple came up pretty close and we got a good look at them. As the tide came further in the sharks were replaced by dozens of stingrays. They were everywhere. It starded off that folk were shouting out when they saw them but by the time we left we had to dodge about 20 to get back to the shore. We had to be careful not to stand on them, they would bury their bodies in the sand so you had to look out for the spiky tail sticking out. Dont wanna stand on one of them!
In the afternoon we headed off to a snorkeling spot. The tour was offering introductory dives for quite cheap so all fo us (bar James who was doing a proper dive as he has his licence) took up on the offer. We were given our safety briefing and taken down. We followed the guide as he took us round the area. It was a very cool experience being able to breath underwater. The first couple of inhales are very surreal. My breathing starded off pretty slow as i gained trust in the equipment, but after a few it felf normal. We didnt go very deep really which us understandable, but it gave us a taste of what scuba is all about. Definitely want to do it again.

In the late afternoon we got back on board and were allowed to jump off the boat into the water (with stinger suits on of course). Some of the girls were throwing bits of bread into the water to attract big batfish. I thought it would be a good idea to try and kiss one on the lips as it came up for its munch. I puckered out my lips near a bit of bread and nearly pood myself when one came out of nowhere and nearly made the connection. I freaked out and quickly exited the water, probably knocking out 3 of the poor things in the process.
That night after food we were let loose to slap the goon. We were having a few cups of the stuff and played some drinking games when shouts of "Dolphins!" came from outside on the deck. We all scamperred out and strained our eyed to see in the dark. We saw a couple of light shapes quite far away and as we were all giving up on seeing them again one came along and swam right past our boat. It came up gave us a spray from its blow-hole, flipped up its tail and vanished to a cacophony of claps screams and whistles from the passengers. Turtles, sharks, stingrays and dolphins all in one day. Not bad eh?
The 3rd and final day we woke up slightly later and visited another beach for another spot of snorkeling fun before heading back for the mainland.
We spent one more night in Airlie when we got back. Laughed a lot at grafitti written under our bunk beds and laughed even more at Craigs magical ability to make his tongue look like a lip. Absolutely priceless.
Headed off in our Ford Falcon estate the following morning. Next stop Bundaberg!

After another easy ride down the coast we landed ourselves in Bundy. We arrived at about 9pm and it looked like a ghost town from 1950's central America. Very strange feel about the place. We found the hostel (probably the worst wev stayed in so far. Me and Craigs roommate had been there for 3 months workin as a basil picker and stunk like what what we finally agreed on was a combination of an old spice cupboard and rotten trainers. The showers were windowless and you could look over the whole town while the whole town watched you wash your hair) and met up with Christina who went to uni with us and her boyfriend Kenny. They're taking a year out to work in Aussie and decided to come up to Bundaberg to meet us for a night out. We left in search of somewhere to eat, and as everywhere was closed we finally decided on kebabs and McDonalds. I had sudenly lost my appetite and passed on both. We walked past an empty club on the way, but on the way back there were a few people outside so we decided to go in for a look. It ended up being a pretty good choice and the palce soon picked up. We sat in the beer garden out the back and were treated to some live music while we sipped Tooheys extra dry. Kenny provided the shots of Bundaberg Rum. It had to be done. The band randomly chose to play the Proclaimers as thier last song. Their was a noticable surge in enthusiasm and noise coming from our table.
The following morning we went to a nearby beach for breakfast, said goodbye to Christina and Kennny (we would soon be seeing them again in Brisbane), and headed on our expedition down the coast. This time we were heading to the awesomely named Rainbow Beach.

Its a tiny little town on the coast that is mainly used as a stop off for people who are going to Fraser Island. Before we arrived we were undecided whether we were going to take a trip there ourselves but once arriving and checking prices and from what wed heard about it we all agreed that it was a bit too expensive. We had another 5 months to finance and it didnt really make economic sense: it was a matter of opportunity cost for all you budding young economists.
We hung around the hostel and the beach for a couple of days. The hostel had a table tennis table which Luke dominated for the duration of our stay. By the end of playing a couple of games you were drenchd in sweat. We went to the beach one afternoon for a look. It was massive, and had some pretty sweet surf. Me and Craig hired bodyboards for an hour. Iv never properly done it before but its some workout. If you catch a good wave it would take you most of the way into the shore at which point you had to turn round and battle against the waves to get back out to where they were breaking again. And trust the one time I didnt wear a stinger suit was the only time we encountered jellyfish. I pulled off a long, thin see through which had wrapped around my belly. It left a nice wee stinging red mark along my side. I told Craig i was starting to feel nauseous and faint as we were floating about 100m offshore, but decided to tell him i was joking before he started to panic.
Other points to note from Rainbow Beach were the sheer number of big rhino beetles knocking about. I went to pick one up on the way back from the beach but when it started hissing as soon as i touched it i decided better of it. There were just as many dead ones as there were alive ones. They suffer from a serious design flaw as when they fll on their backs they cant right themselves. As a result the pavements are lined with upturned, still, sunbaked beetles.

After breakfast the following day we set off on the last leg of the journey down to Brisbane. With me driving and Luke expertly navigating we made it to the hostel with only 2 unnecessary crossings of the Story Bridge. We’d heard from Christina and Kenny that there wasn’t really much to do for tourists in the city area but that it was a nice area to stay if you were working. We didn’t really get up to much in the few days we were there. One day we took a walk down the riverside to the Botanic gardens where Craig discovered ants like blueberry muffins, especially the ones you leave half eaten on your rucksack. A couple of the days we went to the lagoon (yip there was one here too) to kick the football and sun ourselves. We met up with James’ friend Debbie again so we all lay on the sand and watched a group of local guys do acrobatics along the waterfront. They were superb, everybody in the pool was just standing and watching them. Another day we visited the lagoon we were saw some more of the city’s youth displaying their talents. This time it was in the form of dance. They had brought their own massive speakers and were pounding out some hard dance tunes. Every so often a couple would bust out some stomping moves before stopping to catch their breath again. The dance is called the “Melbourne shuffle” (I would highly recommend checking it out on youtube, its nuts)and we stood and watched them for a good while. The following night in Mustangs we cracked it out ourselves, sweating it out on the dancefloor for a good hour and a half. I swear it’s the most exercise any of us have ever done! We were absolutely dripping by the end of it, our shirts had changed colour and we all had crippling spaegie in our legs for the next week! We were now hardcore shufflers and since that night every time wev had a beat to dance along to, the shuffle has been unleashed.

We were very lucky in Brisbane as Robyn, one of Craigs friends from school, now stayed there with her boyfriend Alastair and were kind enough to put us up for a few nights to save us some much needed cash. It was like being back at James, Luke, Craig and Stus flat in Glasgow. We sat and watched a couple of films and made ourselves some food, something we’d rarely done in the past 3 months. It was good having some home comforts again, away from the busy noisy hostels.
I was beginning to fear that our 3 week escapade in Aussieland was going to pass without a single barbeque. Thankfully these fears weren’t realized and on our final night in the country, Jason, their other flatmate, fired up the Barbie and we all did what the stereotypical Aussie does best: eat cheap flame-grilled steak and sip ice cold beer. If there were any beaches or farms nearby or we would have done it all standing on surfboards with kangaroos….wearing cork hats…. and shouting “G’day mate!”.

Our time on Australia had come to an end. It was time for a wee holiday and we all headed off to Fiji... even Craig who when we arrived at check-in, couldn’t find his passport. After a brief panic and quickly formulated plan to go back to the hostel we stayed in to try and find it, he pulled it out of his laptop bag. Surprise, surprise it was exactly where he’d last put it. Douche bag.

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