There's only one thing for it...

---

We were up at 6am ready to leave Pommie Palace behind. Shorty gave us a lift to Surfers Paradise where we could catch our bus up the East Coast. He had to hot wire his car to get it started. It was torrential rain outside so within minutes of arriving in Sufers, we were drenched. Fortunately they have lockers at the bus station so we were able to drop off our bags while we went in search of a café. Both of us wrapped colourful scarves round our heads to protect our hair and attracted some funny looks. We looked like little Indian women… wearing flip flops.
This rain was miserable and we quickly established there was only one thing for it… we’d simply have to get pissed. And that is how we found ourselves searching for a Bottle shop willing to serve us alcohol at 7.30 in the morning. Nowhere would, not even the café we had breakfast in - everywhere served from 10am. We did however find shops selling “Essence of Kangaroo” and “Baby sheep placenta”. Yuk! Wet through, we flagged a taxi down and begged the grumpy driver to take us to the Surfers Paradise Arc where we could find a decent place to eat.
The café we had breakfast in was called Rish and we both had an English Muffin with poached egg and salad. Had a long chat with Ellie about budgets and finance. We’re both very similar when it comes to money and organisation and would hate to not know where we’re up to. El’s overspent a bit in Oz so far, but we know where we’re up to and have realized we under budgeted for Oz.
Walked back to the bus station empty handed and decided that we’d have to get Vodka at Brisbane, an hour or so in to our journey. Our coach driver was so much fun. He kept cracking jokes and taking the mick out of peoples names when the passengers handed over our tickets. He wanted to know if Ellie was related to a famous Australian gangster with the surname Flannery.
We picked up our drinks and snacks later that morning from a 7-11 in Brisbane. The girl on the counter forgot to pack my big bottle of diet coke so we poured the Vodka in El's Sprite bottle and she shared that with me back on the coach. El realised this was the first part of our trip as two single girls and started singing “All the single ladies, put your hands up” at me. Had a funny journey. Me and El had an indepth sex discussion which was, well what can I say… interesting! We drove passed trees submerged in rivers due to the floods they’d been having on the East Coast this week. Apparently its thrown down a years worth of rain in just two days, and has been the worst weather they’ve experienced since the late 1800’s.
Our first bottle was gone in 20 minues so we picked up more mixers when we stopped at a service station. Half watched a a film called “Next” with Nicholas Cage, while having some drunken banter with Ellie. I hadn’t realised Ellie had nailed the majority of her bottle while I was falling behind spectacularly. She announced she’d had her second epiphany in one day. I wasn’t sure what this meant but she informed me it was like an idea or realisation. Her first “epiphany” was to use less conditioner, and her second was that her new favourite drink was Vodka and Sprite.
Played “pass, pass, give motherhooker” (a variation of a game friends play back home, except they use a spliff not Vodka) and we chanted "pass, pass, puff, puff, give me sugar, motherhooker". Arrived at the bus station in Hervey Bay about 5pm and spotted all kinds of signs with suggestive meanings, so we took photos and decided we’d make a rude sentence and post it on facebook tomorrow.
Stopped at a Bottle shop to get more drinks and I completely wiped out on the slippy floor from the rain. There I was doing the splits while Ellie and the shop assistant were doubled over in hysterics. I was laughing so much I couldn’t get up. Even the two of them struggled to pull me up as I still had my enormous backpack on. Talking about my little Splits demonstration when we were in the taxi, the driver said tomorrow I’ll wish I didn’t do it; El said the male cashier was thrilled I did it; and I said I didn’t even know I could do it.
The driver pumped out a random but brilliant tune that we’d never heard before and El and I did some silly choreographed dancing as I shouted out which moves we were going to do next: stack the shelves; sign the cheque; walk the dog; climb the ladder etc. When we got to our hostel we were beyond giddy and were surprised that the miserable staff didn’t seem to find our behaviour amusing.
In the room, we had a "Flip Flop flick off" competition and mine miraculously ended up perfectly balanced on the lightbulb tube over our dressing table.
Our room was basic and we had no bed covers but we’d paid for an 8bed dorm, and this was only a 4bed so we were happy. No other girls had turned up yet so we hoped we would have it to ourselves.
El dragged me by my hands and legs off my bed to go out for dinner. We wandered out to Hervey Bay but there wasn’t much going on, it all seemed very quiet! The only place still serving food was an All-You-Can-Eat Chinese Buffet, so we troughed that then felt sick after. There were no lively bars so we went back to the dorm, and feeling doppy after a days drinking, we ended up falling asleep by 9pm.

---

Comments

[Angela Flannery]

funniest yet
This blog is the funniest yet - seems you have more fun when times are tough than when they are good! Pity Ellie didnt photograph you doing the splits.