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Published: January 25th 2007
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Cairns Post
They're at it again over at Cairns Post hq. Another ground-breaking story. Far North Queensland, home of scenic delights such as the Great Barrier Reef, Atherton Tablelands, Cape Tribulation and also to some of the most feral forms of human life imaginable (and that includes Wolverhampton).
With Matt Richards stranded in Noosa it was back to solo travelling for a while and after arriving at Gilligan's hostel to be greeted in my dorm by a German randomly wingeing about someone stealing his pasta from the kitchen, I immediately set about booking a tour to Cape Tribulation. I'd had a quick look around the town of Cairns (it doesn't take long) and soon realised that there wasn't much to hang around for. This was confirmed when upon setting foot in the nearest boozer I was forced to watch England get walloped by the Aussies at 20/20 cricket and listen to some high pitched nasal wailing from the local termites.
The trip to Cape Tribulation was an interesting one. I was hoping to see some crocodiles in their natural habitat, as a cruise along the Daintree River which is supposedly full of crocs was part of the days entertainment. Sadly, the crocs proved impossible to spot other than a baby one on a
Cape Tribulation 2
Me at the end of the Cape Trib day tour log and my excitement was limited to chatting to a very attractive German lady who was also on the tour. My conversational efforts were hampered by a gay Parisian however, which I was less than pleased about naturally.
I couldn't face another night in Gilligan's with the wingeing German, who had since been joined by a porky Japanese kid that insisted on spending the entire night on his mobile phone (the German soon put a stop to that), so I checked into a nice apartment building down the road and awaited the imminent arrival of Clarky and Al.
I arranged to meet the lads in PJ O'Briens pub that night and upon arrival I was quite shocked to catch sight of a young lady that I had dated in London prior to my leaving to go travelling. A slightly awkward twenty minutes passed before Clarky and Al turned up, but it could have been much worse! I would have thought that PJ's in Cairns should realistically be ex-free, but it goes to show what a small world we live in.
Putting that behind me, we had a night in the infamous Woolshed Bar and the next day
Cairns lido
Despite being on the coast, Cairns has no beach and this is the alternative swimming area headed out to the Atherton Tablelands, where the tropical rainforest meets the outback.
All was going well until we arrived at a place called Granite Gorge, which is recommended in the LP as having great views and the option to take a walk around the owner's land whilst feeding rock wallabies. Having paid our $5 each we were supplied with a map and informed that the walk would take about half an hour. Two hours later we arrived back at the starting point feeling fortunate to have survived Granite Gorge.
What the hosts fail to mention is that the walk is over and through huge rock formations and should no account be attempted by flip-flop wearers. Luckily for me I had trainers on, but Clarky and Al struggled clambering over the granite in thongs and Clarky suffered a heavy fall and a whack on the head. I dropped my phone down the side of a large rock, but miraculously it survived intact. The trek was fairly rigorous and dangerous even in trainers and if the owners of Granite Gorge are reading, perhaps a mention of this would be helpful in future.
The lads left town the next
Gilligans
Described as "The Ritz for backpackers" in the LP. Not convinced that some of the guests here would make it past reception at The Ritz before being ejected from the premises day to commence their journey home to England, so I had a drive around the southern sector of the Atherton Tablelands by myself before heading back to Gilligans for an early night in what I thought was an empty dorm. It was empty until about 11.30 pm at which point the door swung open and in staggered two of the most feral Aussies known to mankind. They were the real deal these guys. Remedial, slow, loud deliberate speech, tinged with a nasal drone and tatooed from head to foot including the face. And they were pissed into the bargain. What fun! I pretended to be sleeping of course.
My idea of a night's undisturbed kip went out of the window as they spent the next two hours in and out of the room banging, shouting and attempting to converse with each other in Queensland English. Amongst the wining I caught a snippet of information that was to serve me well later; that one of the guys had severe sunburn.
I got the hell out of there at 8 o'clock the next morning, making as much noise as possible and on my way out, turned the shower temperature up
Baby croc
The only wild crocodile we saw on the Cape Tribulation boat ride to maximum scald level heat, knowing full well that sunburn boy would be too thick to be able to adjust it, as indeed he was the previous night. I then caught a flight to Melbourne asap.
Happy to have put serious distance between myself and the ferals and hopefully added some pain to at least one of their backs, I arrived in Melbourne, which in my opinion is the best city Australia has to offer. Admittedly this isn't saying much, but Melbourne is well worth a visit and it's essential of course to catch some of the Aussie Open tennis whilst in town.
I saw a host of top players, a riot involving Serbs and Croats and an enforced heat break, as the temperature on court reached 50 degrees! It was too hot to sit and watch let alone play tennis, but the likes of Sharapova and Nalbandian struggled through their matches bravely.
Next stop is Auckland, where I join the Kiwi Experience bus tour from Auckland to Christchurch and possibly the odd incident along the way.
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James
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Gold !
Those last two entries are pure Calvert gold ... brilliant ! I almost felt like I was there with the crack and homs. Good luck on the bus trip !