bustle bustle

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I get homesick for new york... But I'm ready to see another part of the world, other parts! People! Fruits! Flowers! Culture shock = growth. And beauty, beauty, beauty! I know to be careful, I will be careful. I know about macho men. And though I'm sure everything is shaded very differently, and some things I know to expect through what I've read and some things there will be no preparation for...I will always have myself and my mind. I'm not sure if I'll begin thinking in Spanish. I'm not sure how soon I'll pick up the accent, or how immensely disoriented and confused I'll be to begin with. But this is worth it, even anticipating such things (and knowing I can't fully anticipate anything), I can say that these are all valid experiences.

Because I want to grow...I want to take a bite out of things within the limits of safety and reason, and appreciate all of the irrationally beautiful newness, human and natural. And I'm grateful for the end of a period of relative stagnancy. And I'm ready to learn and I know I will love.

And then, you know, maybe I'll really know what the hell to do in this world. At least to a certain extent. But because I think I could be a good lawyer, because I think that law school could give me opportunities, that with drive and determination (fuck, I hear echoes of Hilary Clinton's rhetoric -- too much CNN lately!) I could do something decent in the world with a law degree and because I don't believe that's mere idealism ---- I've got half a brain cell registering LSAT preparation.

Enough! I need to finish packing. If I am this long-winded before I've even left the country, I'm not sure I can even invite many people to suffer through this thing...

I got an Ash Wednesday blessing, second-generation, as my best friend since third grade rubbed her ashy forehead against mine and said a beautiful prayer for me in the MP3 aisle at Target. I didn't make it to church -- but that was the most spiritually uplifting two minutes I had experienced in a long time.

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