Lost at Sea

---

When I look out over the railing I find it impossible to believe that I am floating so far from shore. The horizon is a blank slate, melting seamlessly from sky to sea into a darkness that is intangible. I feel the opposite of powerful while somehow filled with the false overconfidence of someone too drunk for judgment. I am days from everything I know and understand. I am lost and finding myself at the same time. Deep within me I am aware of the splashing of something new; I can feel the water rising up against the walls of this vessel; I can sense myself hovering beyond my own recognition.

The purpose of such self-gratification is not something I have yet grasped. I am locked in wanderlust that eats at me from every angle, each breath caught upon the possibilities of someday. I am forever floating from shore, wanting to chart undiscovered waters, yet hesitant to lose sight of solid ground. It is like pieces of me are scattered everywhere and I am desperate to collect them all, so that someday I might be whole again.

Tonight I cannot see land, but somehow I do not feel lost. Simultaneously in motion and frozen to the moment, I am caught in a stillness I haven’t felt for years. Sliding into dark waters, I am fleetingly at peace with the silence of my velocity.

---

Comments

[Emily]

I've always said you should be a writer....I'm just waiting for me to be right. Love you.

[serra]

awwww
that is absolutely beautiful - I miss you lady!!!

[DouglasRoy]

-e e cummings
now is a ship which captain am sails out of sleep steering for dream

[Farah]

i think i know the feelin
Hey girly, I am in LA right now trying to figure things out. Reading your comment made me realize how spread out i feel too and that i just wish i could gather all the people i love into one place to enjoy it all. but i can't so i go back to e-mails and phone calls. i hope you are well, i miss you and please keep in touch.